Clique-ish

  • Thread starter Thread starter LotusCarsLtd
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
L

LotusCarsLtd

Guest
I’ve noticed a strange trend amongst Catholic young adult groups and I don’t know if it’s me or perhaps there’s a trend here.

I’ve found that Catholic young adults tend to be very clique-ish and not completely welcoming of strangers, and this is a trend I noticed across several different groups (with the exception of only one group). Atheist and evangelical groups, on the other hand, don’t seem as clique-ish (if at all) and are much more welcoming.

Personally I find that it’s a rather troublesome trend if others have noticed the same. We’re all called to the New Evangelization, but how can we achieve this if there is this clique-ishness everywhere?

Has anyone else noticed this?
 
LotusCarsLtd said:
I’ve noticed a strange trend amongst Catholic young adult groups and I don’t know if it’s me or perhaps there’s a trend here.

I’ve found that Catholic young adults tend to be very clique-ish and not completely welcoming of strangers, and this is a trend I noticed across several different groups (with the exception of only one group). Atheist and evangelical groups, on the other hand, don’t seem as clique-ish (if at all) and are much more welcoming.

Personally I find that it’s a rather troublesome trend if others have noticed the same. We’re all called to the New Evangelization, but how can we achieve this if there is this clique-ishness everywhere?

Has anyone else noticed this?
Click to expand...
There comes a time when you get tired of adversity, bad faith, endless arguments and you like to be with people who share your ideas and with whom you can relax and be yourself. If you think atheists aren’t clique-ish, you’re deluded. Sure you’re welcome as long as you’re willing to reject your beliefs. Be strong in your faith and proselitizing and see how well it goes.
 
Robertanthony said:
There comes a time when you get tired of adversity, bad faith, endless arguments and you like to be with people who share your ideas and with whom you can relax and be yourself. If you think atheists aren’t clique-ish, you’re deluded. Sure you’re welcome as long as you’re willing to reject your beliefs. Be strong in your faith and proselitizing and see how well it goes.
Click to expand...
Bear in mind these are simply observations I have made, and I am merely asking if anyone else has witnessed these same things. I can think of several people I know who have experienced this same thing themselves, so I don’t think delusion has anything to do with it.
 
I’ve found that Catholic young adults tend to be very clique-ish and not completely welcoming of strangers

Are you referring to online groups or in-the-flesh groups? I agree that young adults in general are very clique-ish. In fact, I see a disturbing trend in young adults of all faiths and no faith, of being very self-centered, narcissistic, and uncompassionate. Sign of the times. 😦
 
boomerang said:
I’ve found that Catholic young adults tend to be very clique-ish and not completely welcoming of strangers

Are you referring to online groups or in-the-flesh groups? I agree that young adults in general are very clique-ish. In fact, I see a disturbing trend in young adults of all faiths and no faith, of being very self-centered, narcissistic, and uncompassionate. Sign of the times. 😦
Click to expand...
In-the-flesh. Mostly college Catholic groups, and there was only one exception out of many where the members were very warm and inviting. I find a similar issue runs through some pro-life organizations as well, but not as much.
 
I don’t think it’s just young groups. Cliques have been a major part of just about every parish I’ve ever belonged to. My parents have been at their current parish for almost 35 years. My mom’s been extremely active the entire time. There’s still groups where she’s not welcome. My wife and I have been at our current parish for nearly two decades. I volunteered for everything I could at first while my wife was very active at the school. We were often turned away from things we volunteered for, sometimes even when they didn’t have enough people. Other times I volunteered to run things and couldn’t get anyone to join my team/booth/event/etc. while the established members of the parish had more people than they needed. It’s a little better now, but we gave up on volunteering and participating in things for a lot of years because we couldn’t break in to any of the cliques. I wish I knew what the answer was, but after all these years I haven’t been able to figure it out.
 
You’re right. Catholic young adult groups tend to have cliques. Most of the time I would say it’s not intentional though. The trick is to get on the leadership team and work hard to make sure cliques don’t happen…like working to include new people, have randomized small group discussions instead of people picking their own groups, etc. Being a guy, the one problem I don’t know how to fix is female cliques. Those cliques can push females away from the young adult group altogether, especially when there is a guy involved…
 
I personally have a lot of trouble with the “cliques” at the parish I attend. I am new to the faith (going through RICA) and because of the preconceived groups I am having trouble getting active in parish life. I am finding it extremely difficult to be apart of a parish that doesn’t give even give people whonjust want to be a part of something the time of day.
 
Well, teenagers are very “clique-ish”. Young adults have recently stopped being teenagers, and are probably still getting used to be more welcoming of other people.

But usually, it’s not intentional. In order to survive teenage life, teenagers find a clique, stay there, and shield themselves from others. That is how they protect themselves.

It takes time to learn to adjust to “non-teenage life”. For some people, it takes months. Others, years.
 
I am very sad to report this same behavior. When I was younger and going through the conversions process I was eagerly welcomed into the young adults group. Much of my faith was formed in these years. However, after a few years and a young child, I found the group was becoming very closed. In fact, the group eventually disbanded from the parish setting and emerged as a private study group by invitation only.
However well-intentioned they were, it clearly was no longer inviting for anyone. I can imagine how difficult feeling left out or excluded from a ministry. As mentioned, sometimes this is a big step for someone to make, to step out of our comfort zone and volunteer. It’s so hard on those more sensitive souls who are not so extroverted.
Prayers are needed in these situations.
As the lay-faithful we of course need to be part of the solution. Pray, pray, pray.
 
I’ve seen the same thing, OP.

I’ve been to many Protestant/Non-Denominational YA events, and they were definitely more welcoming. I’m not really sure what the reason is. I’m a bit past the YA age now, but when I went to such things, the Christian kids generally seemed less self-conscious, less clique-conscious, and just more open to make friends with new people.

It would be nice to get to the bottom of why this is!
 
I agree that YA groups can be clique-ish. At one parish I had the misfortune of joining a group that had a lot of established relationships. People who went to high school together and a sibling of their’s, people who went to college together and the people they were dating plus young adults who had grown up in that parish.

I didn’t have much luck with a local pro-life group either. Again, people had previous connections and were not really motivated to include someone new.

I lucked out when I started going to a new parish and Renew groups were just starting and even though I had decided to avoid the young adult group like the plague (I told the person who wanted me to sign up I wanted to be in a group with old ladies) I relented and it turned out to be a group made up of newbies to that parish, not the regular young adult group. And we all had had recent conversion experiences and were excited about growing in our faith. It was awesome.

What was interesting is the we developed a reputation and so some from the established YA group as well as some other new people joined our group the next season and they just didn’t jell. I felt that we were open to new people but it was obvious that the chemistry was different. Can group chemistry make that much of a difference? 🤷

It may be that a new group needs to start at a parish that doesn’t have a group or waiting until the movers and shakers at a parish move on.

I’ll add one more thing. My mom used to be part of a diverse group of women that got together for prayer and bible study. It began as a Renew group made up of “mature” women who were divorced or widowed. Later as Renew dissolved, some people moved on, some stayed and others joined and now there were younger women and married women. Their approach to prayer and study was always evolving but it was important to my mom that the group was inclusive. Not everyone that came to a grouping, stayed a part of the group. But not all was wonderful. My mom got to hear all the complaints the ladies had about other persons in the group and some of it was some pretty petty stuff. It kind of surprised me because I kind of thought they were above all that. I guess saints are human.
 
Unfortunately yes. Cliques exist everywhere and are usually very divisive in nature. It is a sad reality and I am not sure how to deal with it other than to politely confront those guilty of the behavior.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top