Cohabitating before marriage

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Cdantona1

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My Fiancee and I have been together for over 4 years and we have just rented a place for us to live in after we get married. (45 days after this post is was created). I know cohabitation is seen as bringing scandal, but due to our current situation, and the loss of my job, we are currently down to one paycheck before the wedding and I can no longer afford my rent, since I am in school and cannot commute the three hours home. I wanted to ask if there is anyway we could live together before we are married. It’s been 4 years and we have refrained from sexual temptations thus far altogether. I would be staying in a separate room, in a separate bed, and due to her work, she would only be there at night to sleep. This was not my first idea, and I don’t necessarily want to do it, but we may need to out of financial necessity. Any POSITIVE contributions welcomed.
 
You’re going to get a lot of different advice as this exact question seems to bring out a host of different thoughts. I would recommend talking to your priest/confessor about this. I had a question very similar to this and asked a few priests about it. It’s not that you won’t get some good advice on here it’s just that your pastor will better be able to understand your exact situation and help you. God bless!
 
is there no one else you can stay with?

talk to your priest, it’s much easier to be chaste when you are not under the same roof day in and day out but it’s also not impossible. two people living under the same roof isn’t neceaarily sinful, but it depends on how much of an occasion of sin this might end up being, and also like you said, scandal, depending on how many people knew about the situaition
 
I agree with those who have previously responded, do anything you can to avoid living together, but if all else fails you may be able to get permission to live as brother and sister before marriage (I don’t remember the details but it is typically used for situations of illegitimately “married” people who need to stay together for the sake of kids). I can’t make any guarantees and your priest may be able to help in some other ways, such as having ideas you may not think of.
 
I lived with my now husband before marriage and in all honesty was something I do not regret doing talk to your preist and see what he says
 
It’s never ok to sin. And it’s a bad idea to start a marriage that way. You could indeed sacrifice for your marriage and your bride for 45 days and commute.
 
Ask your priest. In my experience they are much more charitable than expected with their answers to issues such as this. Do not expect them to support it, but they may understand.
Even if the couple chooses not to separate, they can be encouraged to live chastely before marriage. “They should see in this time of testing a discovery of mutual respect, an apprenticeship in fidelity, and the hope of receiving one another from God” ( Catechism of the Catholic Church , #2350). The challenge to separate or, if continuing to live together, to live chastely, can be fruitfully posed at the end of a process in which the church’s teaching on marriage and sexuality is carefully explained.
http://www.usccb.org/issues-and-act.../marriage/marriage-preparation/cohabiting.cfm
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Church law says couples who live together before marriage have a right to a Catholic wedding, but a priest may recommend postponing the marriage if he believes the pair lacks a proper understanding of marriage as a Catholic sacrament.
https://cruxnow.com/life/2014/09/29...ether-before-marriage-whats-the-church-to-do/
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Bottom line: this should be your absolute last resort and you should definitely talk to a priest first.
 
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I would talk to my senior pastor about this instead of put any weight on anything anyone on these forums has to say. There are too many variables.

Do yourself a favor a get a appointment with your senior pastor to talk about this.

Co habitation is part of what is wrong with society these days, imho, but I don’t know if you would be homeless in a dangerous area, if the weather there is freezing cold or desert hot, I don’t know if you have a sickness that will make it more difficult to be homeless etc, etc, etc. Nobody else knows either. Not everyone has a relative that can lend helping hands in times like this.

Therefore, talk to your senior pastor and see what he says. Living together is not a sin in and of itself. Just talk to your senior pastor please.
 
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It’s not objectively sinful if they live chastely. It could be subjectively sinful, but that’s for their confessor to determine.
I can’t imagine any priest I know telling someone who is struggling financially to commute 6 hours per day.
 
Recovering_Catholic said:
In case my handle doesn’t make it obvious, I will start by saying that I am no longer a Catholic, and my viewpoint is therefore admittedly biased.
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While it’s good that you state you are no longer a Catholic, the people who post here are generally seeking Catholic advice unless they specifically ask for non-Catholic viewpoints or are posting in the non-Catholic religions subforum. Telling someone who is concerned with following Catholic teaching “You do you” is not really a helpful response. They can get that advice from secular society already.
 
twf said:
It’s not objectively sinful if they live chastely. It could be subjectively sinful, but that’s for their confessor to determine.
I can’t imagine any priest I know telling someone who is struggling financially to commute 6 hours per day.
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Especially for school. Since going to school also includes time to study for exams or prepare for classes.
Doing that would be exhausting to the point of dangerous.
 
While I will not say it is not sinful, I will admit my wife and I lived together for two years before getting married. We had no choice at the time due to financial as well as location reasons. Do I regret it? Honestly? No. Did I confess it many years back? Yes, yes I did.

With that said, my wife and I have now been married for 30 years. It did not affect our marriage in any negative way whatsoever.
 
I think I would avoid living together. The struggle before marriage will make the marriage that much better. Also, once married, there will be other temptations eg I just lost my job we are down to one pay check can we use contraceptives for a little while. This is just one of many test married life will throw at you
 
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