Cohabitation before marraige

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No matter how many times it’s explained to me I don’t understand the objection to people living together first. I mean realistically you never REALLY know someone until you end up having to share the house or apartment or where ever it is you live. To use a crude analogy you usually test drive a car before you sign the paperwork.
The conclusion would seem to be that you have to live together first in order to get to know each other in order to decide to get married. And what if, after marriage, you find that you still didn’t know them completely? And what about the children? You don’t get a chance to know them first before making a lifetime commitment to them. (The obstetrics ward doesn’t say, OK, just take him home and get to know him. If it doesn’t work out you can bring him back.)

Marriage is for life–till death–so spouses are always getting to know one another better.

But cohabitation is nothing more than a ‘trial’ marriage, and a trial marriage is by definition impermanent, and thus no marriage at all.
 
The conclusion would seem to be that you have to live together first in order to get to know each other in order to decide to get married. And what if, after marriage, you find that you still didn’t know them completely? And what about the children? You don’t get a chance to know them first before making a lifetime commitment to them. (The obstetrics ward doesn’t say, OK, just take him home and get to know him. If it doesn’t work out you can bring him back.)

Marriage is for life–till death–so spouses are always getting to know one another better.

But cohabitation is nothing more than a ‘trial’ marriage, and a trial marriage is by definition impermanent, and thus no marriage at all.
Well lets see, first of all having children is also a decision, you can choose whether or not to have children, it’s not as if when you get married children are somehow a requirement. If you do decide to have children then you’ve made your bed and you need to sleep in it if it doesn’t work out.

As far as still not knowing them completely after marriage and after you’ve lived together before getting married, then I suppose you did everything you could to make sure it would work. Either way the divorce rate is quite high and I feel people should take steps to try and improve their chances of it either working out or realizing it’s not going to work before they get fully invested in each other and save a bunch of grief later on down the road.

Either way people don’t stay married and people do walk out on their kids. It happens every day. This isn’t a leave it beaver world we live in where mom and dad stay together for life and the kids are nausiatingly good and the worst thing to come out of their mouth is “gee golly”.

And no, marriage is not for life, otherwise there would no such thing as divorce.
 
No matter how many times it’s explained to me I don’t understand the objection to people living together first. I mean realistically you never REALLY know someone until you end up having to share the house or apartment or where ever it is you live. To use a crude analogy you usually test drive a car before you sign the paperwork.
People don’t freeze in stone on their wedding day never to change again afterwards. I’m not the same person I was five or ten years ago, and can guarantee that in five or ten years time I’ll have changed again, surely in some pretty significant ways.

This is regardless of whether I marry or not.

And no matter how long I may live with someone before marriage, I don’t know who they will be in five or ten years, and I have to be prepared to adapt to the changes in them as they happen. Likewise they with me.
 
Well lets see, first of all having children is also a decision, you can choose whether or not to have children, it’s not as if when you get married children are somehow a requirement. If you do decide to have children then you’ve made your bed and you need to sleep in it if it doesn’t work out.
In Catholic teaching, the only thing inherently wrong with cohabitation is scandal. If you live together, it’s assumed (even if it’s not true) that you fornicate. Thus, other people look at your relationship, assume you believe that premarital sex is acceptable, and that might influence their opinion of premarital sex, leading them to commit a mortal sin. If you were somehow able to live together in secret, theoretically I guess there’s nothing technically wrong with that.

Practically, the Church teaches against cohabitation because it’s seen as a weakening of the value of marriage. Think about it: you’re cohabitating one day, and you’re married the next. What has changed? Just the rings. So then what’s the implied value of marriage? Not much. It’s a very different situation when you’re living separately, get married, then have to move in together and start a home.

Of course, if you reject Catholic teachings, then those arguments can be quickly dismissed.
Well lets see, first of all having children is also a decision, you can choose whether or not to have children, it’s not as if when you get married children are somehow a requirement. If you do decide to have children then you’ve made your bed and you need to sleep in it if it doesn’t work out.
It actually is a requirement to be open to life.

The problem is that Catholics are discussing a Catholic teaching based on Catholic doctrine, and you’re attempting to interject non-Catholic opinions (I’m not trying to downplay your comments, just show how they don’t fit in the context of this discussion). If you want to debate the Catholic view of marriage vs. the protestant or secular view of marriage, that’s a different thread.
 
"The negative images of marriage portrayed in the media and our society over the last three dozen years have changed the way we think about and live out our marriage. We have gone from Leave It to Beaver to The Brady Bunch, then to All in the Family, and on to Married with Children and The Simpsons. Marriage is continually shown in a negative light by much of society. The ease with which our friends, family, and coworkers leave marriage relationships has a generational effect on the desire to be married."From The First Vocation Crisis appearing in Catholic World Report.

It’s true we no longer live in a Leave It To Beaver world. We live on the cusp of civilizational collapse, preceded by the collapse of marriage and family.
 
So do we go to weddings of the cohabitating, to hopefully stay in their good graces, or do we try to keep the scandel down to a minimum by not attending?
which is worse driving the couple away or feeding the scandel?:confused:
 
Well, my personal rule of thumb would be that it is OK to attend the wedding (if it is a valid Catholic wedding), but until then I would avoid going to their residence so that I would not give the appearance of legitimizing their “living arrangement”.
 
So do we go to weddings of the cohabitating, to hopefully stay in their good graces, or do we try to keep the scandel down to a minimum by not attending?
which is worse driving the couple away or feeding the scandel?:confused:
Why would it be scandalous to attend a wedding of a cohabitating couple? If the marriage is presumably valid and you can presume that the couple has been to confession, nothing about the marriage is sinful.

Besides, to be scandal, you would have to give the impression that you support cohabitation (which, in itself is scandal because it gives the impression of fornication). Attending a wedding only tells people that you support the marriage, not necessarily all past history of the couple. That’s why it’s not necessarily scandalous to attend the wedding of a couple that already has a child or the wedding of someone that had been fornicating before marriage.
Well, my personal rule of thumb would be that it is OK to attend the wedding (if it is a valid Catholic wedding), but until then I would avoid going to their residence so that I would not give the appearance of legitimizing their “living arrangement”.
I think that’s a good rule.
 
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