M
michael.ignatius
Guest
Greetings, All! This is my first post, so my apologies if this is in the wrong forum:
I went through RCIA this year. I had just made my first confession, undergone the Rite of Presentation as a Candidate, and was preparing to be formally received into the Church on Easter, making my first Holy Communion and receiving the sacrament of Confirmation, when COVID hit. As a result, my reception into the Church had to be delayed. However, finally, I’m happy to say that the weekend after next, I’ll finally be received into the Church.
Today, however, I had a moment of uncertainty and temptation. I’ve been waiting so long that I hadn’t stopped to really consider everything. Once I declare my faith before the priest and receive the Blessed Sacrament, there is no going back: I’ve made a commitment for life that cannot be undone. Further, as a Catholic, there are things that are sinful but normalized by society that I will never be able to experience again (e.g., pre-marital sex, partying, a free Sunday morning, etc.).
Perhaps this all sounds silly and irrational, but, I found myself asking myself for the first time: After all of this waiting and longing, is this really what I want? I felt wrong even asking that; philosophically and spiritually, how could I, now that I have been evangelized with the truth by the Church? But I allowed myself to truly weigh my decisions, what I would be giving up and what I would be gaining. I even thought of what it would mean to ‘walk away’, hypothetically at least, at this moment. How would I rationalize my beliefs, when faced with what I have come to adopt as my beliefs now? How could I return to, say, the Anglican Church, after having been catechized and accepted so much of what the Catholic Church teaches? Could I, in good conscience, deny these things and go back? In such a hypothetical situation or life, what would I believe? All of it seemed so tempting as I considered and pondered this. It would be so easy just to go back to my old life, to walk away, to find some way to rationalize what I was doing.
But, after reflecting for some time, I realized it was impossible. Tempting as it may be to consider these things, to return to the worldly pleasures that used to fill my day, I realized that I could never leave the Church that I’d come to love so much, and I could never in all honesty bring myself to deny what I’ve come to hold as my beliefs.
Now, I find myself wondering what to make of all this? Have any other converts here experienced a time of being tested or getting cold feet like this? How did you deal with it?
To be honest, I can’t help but feel guilty for allowing myself to entertain these thoughts or consider these things. Should I have been stronger and resisted pondering these things? Have I sinned in entertaining any of these thoughts, even though I made the right decision in the end, and never allowed myself to engage these thoughts with my will by forming the intent to ‘walk away’, so to speak? Or have I simply encountered true temptation for the first time, been tested, and, through God’s grace, overcome?
I’ve made my choice. I just hope that I’m worthy to receive the Blessed Sacrament.
I went through RCIA this year. I had just made my first confession, undergone the Rite of Presentation as a Candidate, and was preparing to be formally received into the Church on Easter, making my first Holy Communion and receiving the sacrament of Confirmation, when COVID hit. As a result, my reception into the Church had to be delayed. However, finally, I’m happy to say that the weekend after next, I’ll finally be received into the Church.
Today, however, I had a moment of uncertainty and temptation. I’ve been waiting so long that I hadn’t stopped to really consider everything. Once I declare my faith before the priest and receive the Blessed Sacrament, there is no going back: I’ve made a commitment for life that cannot be undone. Further, as a Catholic, there are things that are sinful but normalized by society that I will never be able to experience again (e.g., pre-marital sex, partying, a free Sunday morning, etc.).
Perhaps this all sounds silly and irrational, but, I found myself asking myself for the first time: After all of this waiting and longing, is this really what I want? I felt wrong even asking that; philosophically and spiritually, how could I, now that I have been evangelized with the truth by the Church? But I allowed myself to truly weigh my decisions, what I would be giving up and what I would be gaining. I even thought of what it would mean to ‘walk away’, hypothetically at least, at this moment. How would I rationalize my beliefs, when faced with what I have come to adopt as my beliefs now? How could I return to, say, the Anglican Church, after having been catechized and accepted so much of what the Catholic Church teaches? Could I, in good conscience, deny these things and go back? In such a hypothetical situation or life, what would I believe? All of it seemed so tempting as I considered and pondered this. It would be so easy just to go back to my old life, to walk away, to find some way to rationalize what I was doing.
But, after reflecting for some time, I realized it was impossible. Tempting as it may be to consider these things, to return to the worldly pleasures that used to fill my day, I realized that I could never leave the Church that I’d come to love so much, and I could never in all honesty bring myself to deny what I’ve come to hold as my beliefs.
Now, I find myself wondering what to make of all this? Have any other converts here experienced a time of being tested or getting cold feet like this? How did you deal with it?
To be honest, I can’t help but feel guilty for allowing myself to entertain these thoughts or consider these things. Should I have been stronger and resisted pondering these things? Have I sinned in entertaining any of these thoughts, even though I made the right decision in the end, and never allowed myself to engage these thoughts with my will by forming the intent to ‘walk away’, so to speak? Or have I simply encountered true temptation for the first time, been tested, and, through God’s grace, overcome?
I’ve made my choice. I just hope that I’m worthy to receive the Blessed Sacrament.