Coming Home - Married to Protestant

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I converted to Catholicism as a teenager and I was a very committed Catholic and enjoyed my faith up until my college years. At university, I went to church less and less and just fell out of practice of going. Fast forward a few years, I married the love of my life. We were married by a protestant pastor (friend of the family’s) and in a protestant church. I am a baptized Catholic (though I wasn’t a practicing Catholic when I got married) and my husband is a baptized Protestant.

For the past year and half, I have felt the biggest pull and need to return to church. Afraid that my home church, the Catholic church, wouldn’t accept me back, my husband and I tried quite a few other churches - methodist, lutheran, episcopalian, etc. But, nothing has filled my need like the Catholic church. I want to return home.

I have been attending mass (but not participating in the Eucharist) for a little while now, but I am nervous to talk to the priest. So, to help my nerves, I thought I would see if you had any information on what might happen or need to happen so I can fully participate in mass again.

I would like to rejoin the Catholic church. My husband isn’'t sure if he wants to join the Catholic church or not, but he is supportive and has been coming to mass. He says he will continue to come to mass and support me, even if he decides not to convert.

Will the Church even recognize our marriage? Will there be financial penances that stand in our way (my husband work minimum wage and don’t have much financially)? What would the Church have me do in this situation?

Peace and Love,

ScienceUser
 
Welcome back!

You will need to talk to a priest about your marriage. But you don’t mention previous marriages for either of you, and if that’s the case, it won’t be a big problem. Your husband does NOT have to convert in order to have your marriage regularized.

And there’s no “entrance fee.” 🙂 If there are any fees related to your marriage, they can and often are waived for those unable to pay.
 
Big sigh of relief 🙂

Hopefully I can ask the priest this week about arranging a meeting so we can talk. My husband and I were never married before each other, we didn’t even hardly date anyone before each other. Let’s just say we were high school sweethearts that reunited when my brother got married and we were both in his wedding party. Must say, it was a God thing to bring us back together again!
 
You will want to discuss the matter with your priest, but to the best of my knowledge, there should be no fees associated with returning to the Church OR with having your marriage validated. One of the chief precepts of the Church is that we contribute to the material support of our pastors; however, there is no formal “tithe” required and people can give according to their ability to do so.

As you did not have the appropriate dispensation to marry outside the Catholic Church, the Church does not recognize your marriage as valid. However, this is usually not a difficult situation to resolve. You will want to discuss this with your priest, but these are the usual steps:
  1. Ensure that neither you nor your husband has been married previously. If either of you has a previous marriage, a declaration of nullity (Church declaration that the first marriage was not valid) is required prior to your being able to marry in the Catholic Church. This normally takes somewhere around 18 months if a formal nullity trial is needed; less if the invalidity is something you can prove on paper (e.g. being married outside the Church, marrying when you are underage, being too closely related to the person you married, being married to someone who was already married, etc.).
  2. I am not sure whether a marriage preparation course will be required given that you are already married. DH and I had our marriage convalidated because he needed a declaration of nullity so we married civilly first. However, we had previously taken the marriage preparation course and met with Father for our pre-marital interviews. You will need to discuss this with your priest.
  3. Finally, you will choose the option of how to have your marriage validated. There is a formal ceremony called “convalidation” - this is what DH and I had. This requires that you celebrate the Rite of Marriage and make a new commitment to each other - it is NOT a renewal of your vows; it is a formal Catholic wedding. This can be celebrated in a private ceremony or during a regular Sunday or weekday Mass. (DH and I live in a small community so we had our marriage convalidated during Sunday Mass.) It should NOT be seen as a second wedding, so there should be no big party. If you or DH does not want to make a new commitment, you can ask your priest for a radical sanation. This literally means “healing at the roots” and is a process through which the Church will retroactively validate your marriage as of the date you were married. All that’s required is to complete some paperwork, which your priest can help you with.
WELCOME HOME!!!
 
WELCOME HOME!!

Hopefully in the near future with you coming back, your husband will also think of converting since he already mentioned of his support for you. Do you have any kids?
Just wondering on how you are settling the religion of the children and how you are going to raise them.
 
Don’t feel that the Church will never welcome you back. Keep in mind the parable of the prodigal son, and how God says that when a sinner repents there is a big celebration in heaven. Go and talk to your local priest, be humble and do a lot of prayer.
 
ScienceUser said:
I converted to Catholicism as a teenager and I was a very committed Catholic and enjoyed my faith up until my college years. At university, I went to church less and less and just fell out of practice of going. Fast forward a few years, I married the love of my life. We were married by a protestant pastor (friend of the family’s) and in a protestant church. I am a baptized Catholic (though I wasn’t a practicing Catholic when I got married) and my husband is a baptized Protestant.

For the past year and half, I have felt the biggest pull and need to return to church. Afraid that my home church, the Catholic church, wouldn’t accept me back, my husband and I tried quite a few other churches - methodist, lutheran, episcopalian, etc. But, nothing has filled my need like the Catholic church. I want to return home.

I have been attending mass (but not participating in the Eucharist) for a little while now, but I am nervous to talk to the priest. So, to help my nerves, I thought I would see if you had any information on what might happen or need to happen so I can fully participate in mass again.

I would like to rejoin the Catholic church. My husband isn’'t sure if he wants to join the Catholic church or not, but he is supportive and has been coming to mass. He says he will continue to come to mass and support me, even if he decides not to convert.

Will the Church even recognize our marriage? Will there be financial penances that stand in our way (my husband work minimum wage and don’t have much financially)? What would the Church have me do in this situation?

Peace and Love,

ScienceUser
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Welcome back, as someone else has said! 👍

I like to think that we do a good job of helping each on here, but ultimately a lot of your questions will need to be brought before a priest. I’ve never heard of financial penance and don’t know what it means.

The one piece of advice I have is to just be sincere when you talk to the priest. He will be happy that you have come home.
 
Welcome Home! If neither of you has a previous marriage, it is fairly simple to have your marriage validated in the Church. The one thing the Priest will want to know is whether you and your husband (both must agree) plan to raise any children of your union as Catholic. Raising them by attending a multitude of other churches would not be considered acceptable. Since your husband is supporting your return, and is willing to attend Mass with you, I would think he would also be willing to raise any children you are blessed with as Catholic. You might also tell the Priest you will need training in Natural Family Planning, since artificial contraception is not permitted to Catholics. NFP is safer, very effective when done by the training you’ll receive and blesses your marriage as well. (Also can prevent future arguments about whether or not to use artificial contraceptives, which are abortificants as well.)

Good luck, speak to your Parish Priest soon, and perhaps after attending with you at Mass for awhile, your husband will also become Catholic.

My husband was Protestant, although we married in the Catholic Church, and he converted at Easter 1 1/2 years later. Since he was already Baptized, he received First Communion and Confirmation – and I was his Sponsor as well as his RCIA teacher! (Special circumstances involved there). God bless you and welcome home!
 
So glad you are coming home. Will keep you in my prayers.
 
Welcome back! I’ve never heard of a financial penance. It doesn’t cost anything to return to the church. If there are fees for administrative things those are usually on a sliding scale. No one will be kept out due to finances.

I must reinforce what others have said and suggest you have a chat with the priest. He will walk you through the process.

There is a site called “Catholics Come Home” (.com or .org?) that might be a good place too.
 
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