Committed mortal sin at 16, now almost 21 and have desire for baptism

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I committed a violent act against a family member. I have apologized numerous times, continue to feel agony over my stupidity years later, and feel as though God is withholding His Love from me. Tonight I start RCIA, with a guilt ridden heart. What must I do about this ?

I also go to a Catholic deliverance ministry and perhaps it is useless to pray for me while I’m in this state.

God Bless,
David
 
All prior sin and all consequences for it are washed away in baptism. It is probably a while until then, but in the meantime you are going the right way about things.

Pray, telling God that you are sorry for what you did, just as you did to your relative.
 
Hi, David!

Your guilt is good:
4:7 Give in to God, then; resist the devil, and he will run away from you. 4:8 The nearer you go to God, the nearer he will come to you. Clean your hands, you sinners, and clear your minds, you waverers. 4:9 Look at your wretched condition, and weep for it in misery; be miserable instead of laughing, gloomy instead of happy. 4:10 Humble yourselves before the Lord and he will lift you up. (St. James)
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I don’t know exactly how it works (born into the Faith) but I think that your Priest can allow you to go to Confession as a means to control your emotional state.

The Sacrament of Confession will be fully valid after your Ushering into the Church; in the mean while, God is Watching us and He Sees (Knows) our hearts and mind; let Him see how much you regret the transgression by being as constructive and supportive as you can with your family, your parish, and your community.

Love will replace the hurt.

God Bless!

Maran atha!

Angel
 
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You should do exactly what you are doing, what St. Peter said: Repent and be baptized.

Acts2:38
Peter replied, "Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.
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I will pray for you.

God is leading you and showing you the path to His door.

Go to Mass, go to RCIA, become Baptised into the Church.

Stay on this good new path
 
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