Common-law marriage, the Church and Hope

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jollybird

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I think I should have posted here…

I have read with great interest the questions about marriage and the views on the various legal forms. For a long time, I found it very disheartening to find out that so many people believe that a common-law marriage is tantamount to shacking-up when nothing could be further from the truth. It is more often than not, a wish to not invite the government into the marriage in any form unless or until one spouse should need protection from the other spouse. With hard work, the government need never be involved…don’t get divorced.

A common-law marriage, provided it was established in one of the states which has NOT specifically outlawed the creation of such a union, is recognized by all sister states and this is due to the Full Faith and Credit Clause of the US Constitution. I challenged the state of Maryland to change my name on an occupational license and they sent me a long letter full of legaleze telling me that I could not make a change to my name without a marriage certificate or court docs showing a legal name change. I sent them back a lengthy letter explaining in plain English why their analysis was incorrect, attached a copy of the Full Faith and Credit Clause of the Constitution and after about a month of analyzing the issue, they sent the MD Dept of Occupational Licensing a directive that they must accept my common-law marriage as sufficient to change my name. My point…even the government and their attorneys do not know the answers right off the cuff and must be schooled.

A common-law marriage is every bit as legal as a civil marriage and the only way to dissolve such a union is to obtain a divorce through the legal proceedings of whatever your state of residence may be; I imagine it is through the court systems.

The church has granted a radical sanction to a family which was formed by common-law because one of the two baptized Catholics, even after 20+ years of marriage, had no interest in convalidating the marriage which was offered, no license necessary. I imagine that in most common-law marriages, there may be trouble p(name removed by moderator)ointing the actual date the marriage occurred and therefore there is a lack of form but in many common-law marriages, the spouses exchange verbal vows and even memorialize the marriage on a certificate. In this case, and with consideration of additional facts, it may well be possible for those who feel hopeless, to find hope that their marriage can be healed at the root and made sacramental.

I bring this up for that purpose…to offer hope to people who feel rejected by fellow Catholics and who may perhaps be speaking to a good-hearted priest who himself does not understand canon law. Over the years, I have seen many well intended comments on here and another forum such as the old EWTN Q&As where some pretty rough and very incorrect things were said.

Have heart, don’t leave the church because of incorrect info. Keep searching and talk to the marriage tribunal and tell them to look into case history with the Vatican. They will absolutely find what they need and those who feel the mistakes they made by not marrying in the church may be able to be reunited with the Eucharist.
 
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With all due respect, I don’t think most people in the USA have some big overwhelming interest in keeping the government out of their marriage. A common-law marriage usually just means you will be having to provide more documentation and explanations for things like insurance, death benefits, name changes, tax issues and everything else under the sun. The only people who would bother with it are those who are either rabidly against government involvement, or who for some reason never bothered to get legally married and now are trying to get benefits due to the death of a longtime partner whom they considered a common-law spouse. So I’m guessing this post is going to apply to/ be of interest to a tiny percentage of those reading the forum.

I’m curious as to exactly what posts you’ve been reading on here suggesting that Catholics even care about the common-law issue except for the fact that people who rely on common-law marriage usually don’t bother to get married in the Catholic Church either, which presents a moral issue.
 
Type in common-law marriage and see some of them over the past years - here and on other Catholic/faith forums. Add in Radical sanction and convalidation and you will see that many people are in this form of marriage and are struggling with anting to return to the faith but feel they are not going to be accepted. Then you will see that some people completely misunderstand what it is, how it is formed, how it is proven, when it is called into question etc.

Perhaps it is not MOST people in the US who would like the government out of marriage but there are millions in common-law marriages for a multitude of reasons, one of them is to keep government out. The problem then becomes how do they get back into God’s Grace and rejoin the church in full communion. People in common-law marriages DO want to return to the faith in the same numbers as people who have left the church for other reasons but the problem is that returning to the church while in a common-law marriage can be difficult based on canon laws and therefore many who I have spoken to feel hopeless as if the church has rejected them.

Your comment about never bothering to get legally married would make some believe, and perhaps you do as well believe, that common-law marriage is not legal. If they had a common-law spouse, legally established, then they are entitled to the benefits. If they are trying to establish a common-law marriage after the death, that cannot be done. Both spouses must consent to the marriage and with one dead, that is a little hard.
 
I’m a lawyer and I’m familiar with common-law marriage.
I also know that when it comes to legal stuff in most if not all US states, having a common-law marriage is an extra level of complication and a pain in the neck.
Most married people would rather not give themselves extra headaches. They will just go get married in one of the normal legal ways involving a marriage license and a marriage ceremony of some sort.

I have been on this forum pretty frequently for about two years and I can’t say I see the topic of common law marriage coming up very much or at all, but if you thought it was necessary to post about it, then your post will remain here in the archives and those searching on the topic in the future will see the thread even if they don’t make their own thread about it. I would however note that threads about marital status are usually put in the Family Life section on the forum. The legal status of common-law marriage isn’t a sacramental issue.
 
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there are so many definitions of common-law, here in Canada, it is tantamount to shacking up, 100%
 
angell1 said:
there are so many definitions of common-law, here in Canada, it is tantamount to shacking up, 100%
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And in the UK, I would say that common law marriage has a lot more legal protections than it does in the US, probably helped by the fact that the UK is not dealing with the marriage laws of 50 different states. I also think more people tend to choose it or rely on it over there.
 
I seem to have hit a nerve and I apologize. But I disagree - any form of marriage is a sacramental issue when the marriage has been invalid and one or both spouse want to return to full communion. I can post it there as well.

I am fully aware of the headaches of common-law marriage and have successfully navigated them in multiple states as well as been able to return to the Eucharist because I persevered and got a Certificate of Matrimony from the Vatican. Before that I was told everything from leave your family to find another religion. Nothing was acceptable and because of a couple years of legal research, I was able to rejoin the church and receive the Eucharist. I have helped guide others to where they may find the same acceptance and healing.

I imagine as a lawyer you know that those in a common-law marriage can no longer go get a license to marry…they are already married. Unless they lie of course but that could cause problems down the road with a tangled web.

There are many people who do not want to ask the government for permission to marry and choose not to. There are laws established preventing marriage to relatives or bigamy etc. Provided none of those obstacles exist, then there is no reason why people should have to ask permission to marry.
 
There is only one definition of common-law marriage in the US.
 
jollybird said:
I seem to have hit a nerve and I apologize.
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You haven’t hit a nerve. I’m just factually pointing out that I haven’t seen this being some huge issue on the forum and that in my experience most people in the US don’t rely on common law marriage if they want to be married. You’re obviously still welcome to post about it and no apologies needed. Having said that, I’ll invite myself out of the thread since I have said my piece, and have no interest in engaging in a legal discussion with you on this subject.
 
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Our Supreme Court ruled that licensing laws are simply directory and that the states cannot force people to obtain permission to marry via a license unless they also statutorily remove the right to be wed at common-law. Most US states have outlawed it but 9 or so have not and at least one has made a move to go back to it completely. Don’t think that will go anywhere. But for the marriage to be legal in all 50 states, it must have been formed in tone of those states where it is still legal or was still legal at the time of the marriage. Anything else is shacking up - not common-law marriage.
 
Well I ask that if you ever come across that person who feel hopeless because of having gotten themslef into a mess because of common-law and the church, please remember what I have said.

Issues do not need to be huge to be of concern to people and this is not to you but it was and is to many. I wonder how many of the couples you have met over the years that you have actually asked for the details of their marriage. Church? Party? Priest? Civil? Which JP? It is not a topic of discussion in most circles unless you were present at the wedding. So your experience may be limited. Mine is not because I have worked with these people.
 
I have never in my life met someone who you describe in your post. Nor can I imagine ever meeting one.
 
jollybird said:
Perhaps it is not MOST people in the US who would like the government out of marriage but there are millions in common-law marriages for a multitude of reasons, one of them is to keep government out.
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So they want the government out of their marriage but want the benefits that come from … the government? That doesn’t make sense to me.

Anyway a heterosexual couple in a legally recognized marriage can indeed get a convalidation or radical sanction provided there are no previous living spouses.
 
The OP wouldn’t by chance be one of those people who insist that courtroom proceedings aren’t binding because they’re displaying a flag with a fringe, would he?
 
Cecilia_Dympna said:
Legally, in the UK, there is no such thing as common law marriage. It’s a phrase that younger people just don’t use any more.
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I was taught that it had some effect on inheritance law. You are right that the terminology may be antiquated however, the concept is kind of the same. Basically more protections for unmarried partnerships of long duration is what I was taught.
 
jollybird said:
struggling with anting to return to the faith but feel they are not going to be accepted.
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This is why the answer to those in an irregular situation ought always be to speak with their pastor, an expert at their Diocese.

Honestly, I’d wager if I stopped 100 people down town this afternoon, maybe 1 of them would even have a guess what the phrase “common law marriage” means.

Common law marriage has never been accepted by the courts in my state. Only 9 states and DC have liberal common law marriage acceptance, 6 more states have restrictions such as a grandfathering in of such that occured years ago. I had to learn about it for my job.

So, in the US, common law marriage is rare.

The Church law does cover “secret marriage”. It is difficult to find a valid reason for a secret marriage in our modern world, the Church is not exactly encouraging one attempt such.
 
jollybird said:
There are many people who do not want to ask the government for permission to marry and choose not to. There are laws established preventing marriage to relatives or bigamy etc. Provided none of those obstacles exist, then there is no reason why people should have to ask permission to marry.
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We are required, as Catholics, to obey just laws.

How are the marriage laws unjust?
 
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