Communion for a divorced friend

[Intrigued_Latin]

Dear Friends,

A Latin Catholic friend on mine has recently divorced. She had been married over 10 years. She has two children.

I am unsure as to whether she was able to receive an annulment or not, in my last conversation with her she had mentioned the cost and brushed it off.

She is now living with another man. She attends Sunday Mass regularly and as far as I know approaches the Holy Chalice and receives the Most Precious Body and Blood of Christ.

This concerns me as I’m not sure she is aware of how she is “abusing” the Sacrament.

Can anyone suggest a way for me to inform her without coming across as being judgemental ?

We have somewhat of an open relationship and I feel that I can tell her anything.

Brad

 

[genealogist]

Unfortunately it appears that your friend is a cafeteria Catholic and picks and chooses which teachings she wants to follow. Pray for her, set a good example and if you get an opportunity admonish the sinner.

How sad that she wants to be satisfied sexually so much that she cohabits with a man with her children. That sets both a terrible moral example and endangers her kids. How many children are beaten, raped and sometimes killed by Mom’s live in boyfriend?

We are all sinners but some sins are repented of and others are habitual such as cohabitation and fornication or in her case adultery. It is really unfortunate that the anullment process is to costly for her to consider. It may have “saved” her soul if her new stud was free to marry.

I know all of my advice is judgmental. Unfortunately it is all true but truth is the biggest casualty these days.

 

[Katie1723]

genealogist:

…How sad that she wants to be satisfied sexually so much that she cohabits with a man with her children. That sets both a terrible moral example and endangers her kids. How many children are beaten, raped and sometimes killed by Mom’s live in boyfriend?..

That is totally uncalled for, implying that the woman’s BF could be responsible for such reprehensible acts.
As far as the woman receiving communion, it is between her and the Lord, not you, me or anyone else.
And although it may be far fetched, you aren’t in their bed room so you don’t know what is going on. And that too is between her and the Lord. It is not unheard of for couples to live as brother and sister. Unusual perhaps, but not all together unheard of.
While what she is doing may be considered unconventional, it is not for us to make blanket statements about her personal life.
~ Kathy ~

 

[cargopilot]

Katie1723:

That is totally uncalled for, implying that the woman’s BF could be responsible for such reprehensible acts.

Genealogist never accused the shack-up boyfriend of that. He just said it happens.

Katie1723:

As far as the woman receiving communion, it is between her and the Lord, not you, me or anyone else.

So, how do you recommend we respond to the OP’s question? Do you say that the question should have never been asked, or is genealogist’s answer is flawed and not consistant with the Church? Or are you defending the ‘right’ to receive the Blessed Sacrament, no matter what one’s state of grace is?

Katie1723:

And although it may be far fetched, you aren’t in their bed room so you don’t know what is going on. And that too is between her and the Lord. It is not unheard of for couples to live as brother and sister. Unusual perhaps, but not all together unheard of.

You’re right, it is far fetched to assume the brother and sister relationship. But even if it’s true, isn’t there scandal? Whatever the case, do you think she is setting a good example for her children?

Katie1723:

While what she is doing may be considered unconventional, it is not for us to make blanket statements about her personal life.

~ Kathy ~

More than ‘unconventional’, what she is doing is probably gravely sinful and scandalous. No one would be making any ‘blanket statements’ if she weren’t doing that. It’s just what happens when you lead what appears to be a sinful life.

 

[Al_Masetti]

Make an appointment with the pastor, if you have a good rapport with him. If necessary, tell him you want the conversation to be under the Seal of Confession… because, you never know, YOU might be under some misapprehension… Let him deal with it. After the “confession” is over with, you can discuss it again.

I know of one case where the pastor did intervene in a “situation” and got it all “regularized” and got the people married.

The “situation” was causing a scandal in the parish. The pastor exercised his authority as pastor and went to the people involved and “discussed it with them”.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

Al Masetti:

Make an appointment with the pastor, if you have a good rapport with him. If necessary, tell him you want the conversation to be under the Seal of Confession… because, you never know, YOU might be under some misapprehension… Let him deal with it. After the “confession” is over with, you can discuss it again.

I know of one case where the pastor did intervene in a “situation” and got it all “regularized” and got the people married.

The “situation” was causing a scandal in the parish. The pastor exercised his authority as pastor and went to the people involved and “discussed it with them”.

Excellent advice!!!

 

[Sparky]

Talking to the priest* is* great advice.

But is she open to talking about faith at all?

Well, here’s one thought I had - maybe it would work. I’m not sure, maybe someone here can comment.

Make it about YOU and what’s bothering you. Get some time alone with her. Go out for coffee or something and say something like this:

“Can I tell you something really personal? Because there’s something happening that really has me concerned, and I really don’t know how to talk about it. It’s about our faith.”

See how she responds. If she seems open to it go on,

“Well, we’re taught that we must go to confession before receiving communion. That we should be in a state of grace. Sometimes I wonder that I am, that I’m receiving the body and blood of our savior properly because, as you know, we’re damning ourselves by receiving it unworthily, you know? I mean, in 1 Corinthians 11:26-30 it says if we eat and drink unworthily we’re drinking damnation upon ourselves. I mean, if we’re not in a state of grace, if we’re in sin, we shouldn’t be taking communion, right? This is pretty serious. We shouldn’t take communion like that. Anyway, I was thinking about going to confession and talking to a priest about it. Would you be willing to go with me?”

BWAHAHAHAHA…ahem. Anyway, you get the idea. Make it about you. Talk about why it really bothers you. Usually these people make these mistakes because they don’t know…they don’t know what scripture says. They don’t know why the Church teaches what it does, that we must be free from mortal sin. Making it about you will be like slipping her the information on the sly…

If she’s bright, she might ask if this is about her. If she says something to that effect, tell her you really wanted to know for yourself, but that you did wonder how she felt about it because she seems to go every week. And leave it like that. If she’s smart enough to connect the dots, she will.
–Ann

 

[Catholic_Heart]

It is entirely possible that this lady does not know she is “living in sin”…And…I really don’t like the judgmental attitude of some here. You don’t want to give helpful advice…You want to condemn, and are quick to yell “cafeteria Catholic”…How helpful is that?

My advice would be to talk with her about the problem…See if she is aware of what she is doing, and make sure she knows that although an annullment does cost about $300.00 (just a fraction of the cost, actually), that “bill” can be paid in installments, or car be waived if the situation requres it.

Got bless you for being so concerned about your friend.