Complaining about wrongdoing?

[trillium]

I read somewhere that “theology allows” a person who has been wronged to tell one (1) other person, instead of gossiping to the whole world. I don’t remember the source, and it didn’t specify if it was Catholic theology. Also if you complain to the person who wronged you, does this meet your one person quota? Does anybody know anything about this?

 

[LisaB]

I haven’t heard of the one person quota, but I do think that it’s healthy to have someone to “vent” to. Otherwise, we stuff our feelings inside and then explode in the form of gossip. Talking to a person who you know won’t spread the information further is helpful, such as a counselor, if you see one regularly, your spiritual director, or even your spouse. You can also talk to friends, but I would be careful to focus on the behavior of the person who has wronged you and how this behavior makes you feel, rather than complaining about the person.

 

[Joysong]

Dear Trillium,

That’s a pretty tough question, because it depends on the seriousness of the wrong. I don’t know how much background you have in catechesis, but there is a spiritual work of mercy called, “bearing wrongs patiently.”

If the matter is not so serious that your reputation is gravely damaged, it helps us to develop strong fortitude when we simply bear the injustice. Many of the saints have written about this, that we ought not to defend ourselves in these slight matters, for we grow in humility.

Now in the case of serious injustice, do you remember the story of Susanna in the book of Daniel? She was about to lose her life over the slander of the elders who falsely accused her. She trusted completely in God, who sent Daniel to prove these evil men were lying. Would it have helped her to confide in anyone else rather than trust completely in God? Vengence is mine, says the Lord. If he does not send a deliverer, then we bear the wrong.

These are two extreme examples above, neither of which may help you unless you are strongly attracted to living heroic virtue. OTOH, for those of us who are utterly practical, it helps to approach the person, for Sirach teaches us the benefit and wisdom of admonishment in Chapter 19:12-16.

 

[AlanFromWichita]

Also see:

"If your brother sins (against you), go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won over your brother. If he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, so that ‘every fact may be established on the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If he refuses to listen to them, tell the church. If he refuses to listen even to the church, then treat him as you would a Gentile or a tax collector.

Alan