Completely irrational (sort-of) crisis of faith!

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Dear all;

I could do with your help or prayers at the moment, as I seem to be doing battle with the enemy in my head.

My faith has been so strong recently, to the point I would almost scoff at any accusations against the existence of God. I have personally experienced what is unmistakeably God working in my life and some mini-miracles of sorts. I’m not sure if I have been over confident and that I am being tested…I just don’t know.

Over the last few days my mind just can’t rest. I am grappling with this idea that I might be wrong and I have these stupid, recurring thoughts along the lines of:
  • What if Jesus was an alien?
  • What if we are akin to bacteria and the universe is like a marble in the closing scene of Men-in-Black?
At this point I’m going to lost most readers who’ll think I’m crazy! I’m actually of sound mind, and have been listening to Peter Kreeft all day and reading his handbook of Christian apologetics.
This is why i think I’m being tormented. No matter what I hear, I get this nagging thought again and again and I don’t find a satisfactory answer to prove it.

It’s making me down, as I feel my faith is severely lacking. I don’t want it to be this way.
The strange thing is, I am still praying, and have in no way* lost* my faith.
It’s not that I can’t believe, it’s that I can’t silence my disbelief. It seems completely irrational to me.
I have this paranoia that the world has been influenced or manipulated by some super intelligence from somewhere in the universe. I tell myself how ridiculous that is- and what possible outcome they could expect from this ‘experiment’ (Christianity). But no matter what I do, it just won’t leave me.

I wanted to get this off my chest, even just to hear someone tell me I am being completely stupid! I welcome it!
 
You are being completely stupid!

Now do you feel better? 😃

Just kidding, I know I’ve had many crazy, irrational thoughts, not many about Jesus, mine are more about Adam and Eve, who they were before they fell and contributed to the human fall from grace.

I’ll keep you in my prayers. 👍
 
Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strength, fortitude & wisdom in your time of need.
 
God sometimes allows a crucible to form around our faith to test it “as gold in a fire.” In fact, it’s one way God humiliates us, to keep us from being to self-assured and more reliant on him. Sometimes he withdraws from our perception a bit and allows various ideas to penetrate our thoughts, not that we should run after them but that we should seek him out. I think sometimes God is like a parent who lets the child roam on their own a bit (while still supervised). This forces the child to have to keep ‘glancing back’ in order to assure themselves that the parent is still there.

Fr. Jean-Pierre de Cassaude did a remarkable treatment of this principle of “abandonment” in his “Abandonment to Divine Providence,” and I highly recommend it.

Just keep glancing back,and abandon this notion that every moment of life has to be one of complete consolation and assuredness. Even the moments of great crises of faith and lack of assuredness God allows for your own good. It’s not easy, but usually nothing of God is.
 
I think when we are tempted so much it is because we are so close to the truth. Satan doesn’t waste his time on the lost. Keep on doing what you are doing. I will have you in my prayers.
 
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