Complicated situation

[PseudoUser]

Hello, first I will say this may be long-winded and I apologize ahead of time. Also many of you will probably think I am stupid and I probably deserve that.

I am going to convert to Catholicism and for some time now I have been wondering about confession and mainly how I will go about confessing a specific part of my life.

The whole thing goes that I meant someone online about 5 years (I am 25 now) ago, mind you I wasn’t looking for anyone, it literally happened by accident and gradually. Years go by and we talk online everyday and we swapped pictures and talked on the phone a few times. We knew that way of dating was looked down upon, but we enjoyed each others company so much that we overlooked that.

The big problem is as we progressed we started to want more of each other. Durings our years online together we started to “swap” adult pictures of each other (we sent them to each other thru our chat room). We both wanted to make the other happy and this included each of us in solitary sin. Both of us were certain that we are to marry some day (both of us are virgins and hadn’t ever had a serious relationship, heck I haven’t ever kissed a man). We had a talk with our families about him visiting (we didn’t want to do anything like that in secret) and with their consent he came to visit for a week. We did nothing bad, just talked alot, watched tv and just enjoyed being together in person (we did hug however, that was my first ‘love’ hug and that was all we did. We both want to wait until marriage for anything more then a kiss or hug.).

He left and went back home and for some time I felt quite lonely at his leaving. I missed having that company every day. After that time I started to learn more and more about Catholicism and I was drawn more and more to it. I have always been a religious person (I obviously had a huge falling point though as stated above) and was baptized in a Protestant Church when I was a baby.

I have since stopped solitary sin completely and also stopped doing anything online with him. I act with him simply as a courting couple, no more of the adult stuff. I stopped the solitary sin for about 3 months now and have stopped doing anything bad with him for longer then that. I plan to keep up with this as well and am very lucky that I rarely ever get tempted (I am female, just thought I’d state that this isn’t some gay trist or something).

My big question is how will I go about confessing all this? Can I keep it simple and state that I have led others to sin and that I am guilty of the solitary sin?

I am sorry to ask such a thing here.

 

[tcay584]

You could just print out your post, take it to the confessional with you, and read it aloud to the priest. I had to write lists and almost write a script for confession when I first came to the Church, because I wasn’t used to confession and it made me really nervous. My priest never minded that I brought my “list” or speech.

 

[Lux_et_veritas]

Welcome “home” to the Catholic Church :tiphat:

We often can be less specific about details in confession and the priest can always ask for more details if he feels they are necessary.

Often times it is adequate to say that you lusted over someone, or exchanged impure snapshots online, or had impure thoughts or actions. Many people will state that they’ve engaged in adultery or fornication - as simple as that (remember, if you look at one with lust, you’ve already committed the sin of fornication or adultery). Others will mention that they engaged in impure acts either alone (i.e. masturbation), or with a member of the opposite sex or same sex, or whatever the did it with (goodness I don’t want to know).

Anyway, I hope this helps. There isn’t anything you can’t tell the priest that he likely hasn’t heard so many times already.

Some additional tips, if you don’t mind…

Just whatever you do, don’t ever have a specific grave sin on your mind and withhold it as this can invalidate the entire confession. As someone else said here on this site, if you walk in with 3 sins on your mind and only confess 2, you now have 4 sins to confess next time. If you have a grave sin on your mind it is an indicator that the Holy Spirit has helped you to see your error and it needs to be reported. By withholding it, it is considered a sin against the Holy Spirit in attempting to trick the system. It cannot be tricked.

Also, if in doubt as to whether something is sinful or not, make sure you go to confession and just ask. There is a tendency to “not want to know” which leads to sinful evasiveness.

Most of all, never lose hope. Hopelessness and despair are seeds of the devil and one he hopes will sprout into the rejection of God’s love and mercy. This too is a serious sin against the Holy Spirit. No matter how many times you engage in something and try to stop, always go back and repent and ask for help.

 

[Fergal]

I would agree with the above posts.

Explain to the Priest as you have explained to us.

God Bless You!!

 

[puzzleannie]

PseudoUser:

I am going to convert to Catholicism and for some time now I have been wondering about confession and mainly how I will go about confessing a specific part of my life.
.

the first rule about the sacrament confession is that it is anonymous and completely confidential. the priest will never reveal what is heard, and no third party should ever hear your confession. the second rule is that our sins have to be confessed in person to a priest in order to obtain absolution. I have deleted the rest of your post without reading it because it is none of my business. We also have a rule on the forums about revealing personal information. Please confine the details of your confession to the confessional. Complete strangers on an internet forum should not be privy to these details. By all means at the earliest opportunity avail yourself of the comfort and grace of the sacrament, which will avail you much more than pouring out your story here.

 

[surfinpure]

puzzleannie:

the first rule about the sacrament confession is that it is anonymous and completely confidential. the priest will never reveal what is heard, and no third party should ever hear your confession. the second rule is that our sins have to be confessed in person to a priest in order to obtain absolution. I have deleted the rest of your post without reading it because it is none of my business. We also have a rule on the forums about revealing personal information. Please confine the details of your confession to the confessional. Complete strangers on an internet forum should not be privy to these details. By all means at the earliest opportunity avail yourself of the comfort and grace of the sacrament, which will avail you much more than pouring out your story here.

I think this is being a little harsh, puzzle. While none of us needs to know the specific details of the situation, I’ve seen much more “personal” information shared on the forums. The rule about personal info pertains to phone numbers, addresses, last names, etc. Not this. Obviously PseudoUser is a new CA member and a new Catholic, and while she won’t gain absolution from posting her sins on a forum thread, it may be good practice in this instance for facing her priest in the confessional.

Pseudo, I don’t know that you need to be more specific than what you said at the end of your post. 1) solitary sin, 2) causing another to sin, and maybe 3) lust, etc. The names of the sins will suffice. Always keep in mind that a priest hears thousands of confessions during his lifetime and knows every bit as much as we do what these sins entail. He doesn’t need a full-blown explanation of the incidents of sin, just the recap. I would make a list of the sin categories and name those off.

On the other hand, if you feel that you need the “therapeudic” value of confessing in more detail (within reason, of course), he’s there for that, too. One of the great values of confession is the counseling a priest can give. Many times has this lifted my spirit. So rely on your conscience when you get in there, but know that you’re not obligated to go into detail if you don’t feel a need to.

And welcome to the Church!

 

[PseudoUser]

puzzleannie:

the first rule about the sacrament confession is that it is anonymous and completely confidential. the priest will never reveal what is heard, and no third party should ever hear your confession. the second rule is that our sins have to be confessed in person to a priest in order to obtain absolution. I have deleted the rest of your post without reading it because it is none of my business. We also have a rule on the forums about revealing personal information. Please confine the details of your confession to the confessional. Complete strangers on an internet forum should not be privy to these details. By all means at the earliest opportunity avail yourself of the comfort and grace of the sacrament, which will avail you much more than pouring out your story here.

I am very sorry puzzleannie if my thread offended you. I was in no way seeking absolution on this forum, rather I wanted to ask because it is something that I had become very nervous, scared and ashamed about and had no idea how to confess this during my first confession.

Thank you for your posts, I am very greatful for such kindness and help. I have stopped doing all the things listed above, so hopefully God will be happy with that. The posts here have been very helpful and thank you for the welcomes! As scared as I am about things I’m very excited about one day receiving the precious blood and body of Christ.

Thank you so much!

 

[The_Angelus]

Pseudo, I wouldn’t worry about getting too detailed. If you’re going to ask for advice, you need to explain a bit about the situation you need advice about! And puzzle, that really is a bit rough. I mean, she came for help.

A bit of perspective about confession. No, it’s not fun, but boy what a deal! Plus, this is where all the teenage insecurities come back. “Oh my gosh, the priest is going to think I’m a horrible person! How do I know CNN doesn’t have a bug in there? Will my sins wind up on the 6oclock news? Is the priest going to refuse to see me again? What if someone else is listening and then gossips it around? Will I ever be able to show my face outdoors again?!” I know I certainly had similar thoughts, and still do, when approaching the confessional.

Relax. 1. The priest is not going to remember anything short of axe murder, and possibly not even then. There was a rather good story I heard once:

A woman in the Philippines went to the bishop and said she had had a vision of Christ crucified and that he told her to build a chapel on a certain spot. The bishop was skeptical. “Are you serious?” he asked.
“Yes!” she answered.
“Are you sure it was OUr Lord?”
“Yes!”
THe bishop again didn’t believe her. He said, “I need to make sure it’s really Christ who appeared to you. When he comes again, I want you to ask a question.”
“Okay.”
“There was a certain, really bad sin I committed when I was twelve. Ask Him what it was and then bring the answer back to me.”
THe woman agreed and left. Two days later she was back.
“Well, did He answer your question?” the bishop asked.
“Yes,” she said.
“What did He say the sin was?”
“He said He didn’t remember it.”

I love that story. Turned out it really was an apparition of Christ - after that little non-rememberance, the bishop started taking her seriously. God is like that for all of us. If you can just pluck up the courage to walk into the confessional, say Bless me Father, and fess up, it’s like throwing water on a written-up blackboard. Nothing remains, not even the chalk. Trust me, if CNN published a list of everyone’s sins, lust or the solitary sin would come in as one of the more common, probably right next to lying. Since they aren’t, just tell yourself that no one is going to remember (including God) and get it over with.

Good luck!