Concern about the sin of impurity

[tom1]

It began by me reading that some guy “deleted his porn folder” and felt liberated. So I was like… why haven’t I deleted all the stuff yet? So I decided to finally delete every trace of porn and similar material from my PC or just things which made me aroused in the past. I struggled mentally before that, like I was a bit surprised that I wanted to keep it… nevertheless I knew I had to do it (or had I?). In the process I tried to not look at those, looking away or praying when it was impossible, but the whole process was a rememberance of many past sins, seeing certain names, images popped up, also shame, etc, and because the files were everywhere around the PC, I had to go through everything… I was selective about it, sometimes I slowed down and thought about horryfying it seems, or how sinful it was. But also, it automatically aroused me in a way, and I felt some temptations even, but I progressed. I was selective about it, so I checked if a folder is empty or not for example. The whole thing was a mixture of arousal, rememberance, rejection of past deeds, some shame also, and in general strange feelings.

And I kinda knew it would happen, that it would arouse me and bring memories… so when those appeared I prayed and did it in a way of rejecting it completely and finally. But I kept going… should I have stopped?

I felt like an addict that is throwing away his stash of narcotics, so it would be natural to get flashbacks, temptations in the process, to maybe do it one last time, or not waste this, and struggle to not think about it, but on the other hand, maybe I shouldn’t have deleted it, just completely forget it and never touch it again? That’s what I did previously, but this led to doubt… like why would I even keep it? But then … I don’t want to delete everything, maybe files I want to keep (because I didn’t really need any of them).

Should I confess that I agreed in a way to being unhealthily aroused, because I believed or lied to myself that the goal is noble? Because if that was sinful I would name that sin this way.

What are your thoughts? I need to be certain, and it would seem so dumb and shameful if I confessed something that maybe isn’t at all a sin. I feel like the priest at the confessional would laugh at me in a way if that’s the case. Still, even if he did, I would go there to confess to God, so it just comes down to whether it was a sin or not. I didn’t feel like it was, but doubt arised (and when doubt arises, something is usually wrong).

Thanks.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Did you actually give into the temptations or did you just keep praying and deleting as you fought the feelings? If the latter, I don’t see a sin. Deleting was your next step in growth, congrats if you got through it and didn’t actually give in.

 

[ChunkMonk]

Sounds like instead of just deleting the stuff you decides to peek at it while you were doing it. So not like an addict who throws everything away, but like an addict who gets high one more time while he’s throwing it all away.

Next time just delete the folders.

 

[Trilor]

Yes, definitely remove the folders. and use a program like ccleaner to make sure they are well and truly erased!

There are a few other points I would like to make that might be helpful for you. some Catholic and Orthodox spiritual writers have identified a “descending ladder”, as i like to call it, into sin. Addictions make that “descending ladder” all the more slippery.

The first step on the ladder is what they call Provocation. That’s when an image free thought comes into you head. The next step they call Momentary Disturbance. That’s when you are thinking about the provocation but haven’t started mulling it over. the third step is what they call Communion or Coupling.that is when you are indeed entertaining the thought and mulling it over. next is Assent, when you decide to act on the thought. The final step is Prepsession, where you become predisposed to sin in a certain pattern, such as impurity or whatever.

The fewer steps you have made, the easier it is to keep yourself free from sin. Obviously, the more steps you have taken, the easier it is to take the next downward step.

I hope you find this brief post helpful

 

[RandomAlias]

I need to be certain, and it would seem so dumb and shameful if I confessed something that maybe isn’t at all a sin. I feel like the priest at the confessional would laugh at me in a way if that’s the case.

I am pretty sure he would not laugh. Flashbacks and memories are not sinful unless you prolong them intentionally or act upon them in a sinful way. Even so, it may be good to tell the priest so he better understands your temptations, and he may have some advice.

 

[tom1]

Thanks for your replies, I didn’t give in to the temptations, I was just worried that it might be sinful to progress if an activity such like this is arousing me even slightly. After all arousal is pleasurable even if we don’t nourish it. It’s like fire is always pleasantly warrm, whether you are trying to extinguish it, or actually sit by a fireplace. A certain level of physical feeling is the same. You say I definitely should delete the files, why is that?

I started doubting if I should remove them, because I thought maybe it was a devil’s trick to deceive me and make me think about those again.
I deleted them because I thought maybe that’s how I left an additional window for attacks of temptation.

You have to understand, that recently I’ve experienced pretty serious temptations, and half of my dreams are those where I already fall into the sin, think about falling, or get aroused and enjoy it, or actually am terribly scared of it. I guess in those dreams I commit a lot of sins, I even remember those happening half-conscious, even tonight, so there is concern about those, and there is a lot of doubt, but when I’m fully conscious the ideas feel pretty alien to me and I reject them completely. I have read that devil does that to people who were tied by sin in the past. He also wakes up people for example during nightly emmission to make them feel shameful, and that has happened to me too, exactly as I read somewhere.

God has also shown me the difference between my own temptation, and devil’s temptation. It was pretty shocking. And the difference was tangible. So this is a reassurance to me that I am going the right path. And that arousal is not just something “human”. Well, it is, but satan can exploit that weakness if it’s impure I guess.

So my concern was whether I should have deleted the material, or just fell for a devil’s trick.

Also,

Next time just delete the folders.

There won’t be no next time. I have promised myself even if I somehow fall in the future, I will not enjoy it, and definitely won’t gather material. But I would like to think that I will not fall, unless God wants me to fall to show me that I’m very imperfect and can’t do anything on my own.

 

[anikins]

You’re not going to be able to control being aroused. It’s natural and to your design. God built you with a very primal desire to reproduce. When you have these feelings, acknowledge them, and quickly move on to something else. With time you will get better at moving past these thoughts quickly. You’re going to fail at times. A lot. You’re not alone and the sacrament of reconciliation is there for us for a reason.

 

[ChunkMonk]

Deleting them was obviously the right choice. Like most men in pur age bracket, I’ve also engaged in this type of sin and the consequences of it don’t just go away, I kow exactly what you mean by being haunted by pleasurable feelings you don’t want and hate to have. The damage to the mind and soul requires supernatural healing, and time.

I just don’t think actually opening the folders to make sure they are empty and taking a lot of time with it would be a good idea.

 

[tom1]

You are right, so should I confess that?

 

[RandomAlias]

You are right, so should I confess that?

Oh, yeah, getting back to your original question…

… So I decided to finally delete every trace of porn and similar material from my PC or just things which made me aroused in the past. I struggled mentally before that, like I was a bit surprised that I wanted to keep it… nevertheless I knew I had to do it (or had I?).
…
I kinda knew it would happen, that it would arouse me and bring memories… so when those appeared I prayed and did it in a way of rejecting it completely and finally. But I kept going… should I have stopped?
…
Should I confess that I agreed in a way to being unhealthily aroused, because I believed or lied to myself that the goal is noble? Because if that was sinful I would name that sin this way.

The answer depends on your intention.

From all that you have written, it looks like your intention was to get rid of the porn and similar material. Also from what you have written, it looks like the arousal was an unavoidable side-effect, and you did not seek it for pleasure. You knew that deleting the files might expose you to temptation, but you were prepared to fight temptation, and you prayed, and you reflected on how bad the stuff is, and you resisted the temptation.

So I come to the conclusion – and this is just my opinion – that it was not a sin to delete the porn and similar files, and so there is no need to confess it.

However, if it led to another sin, like impure actions, or intentionally dwelling on impure thoughts, that is a separate matter and you should confess that sin, if it happened.

Give thanks and praise to God! You are making progress on your spiritual journey. It’s like hiking a rough trail up a mountain. The summit is God. The trail represents life, with difficulties like boulders and streams that you can overcome, and there are also bridges, signposts, traveling companions, and much beauty along the way. If you stumble and fall, don’t be discouraged. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep moving.

 

[2towers]

That task had to be done, maybe that is one reason why you had it for so long, you knew the risk of temptation would be great while deleting it. You can’t help but see the thumb prints as you select folders.

Don’t be anxious about mentioning this to your priest at next confession. Just tell him you felt tempted during the house cleaning. It makes no difference if it was a sin or not, just tell him, then you can move on.