Confession after 30 years, not sure it went well...

[hjm3inpa]

Hey, Just wanted to let you know that I tried to respond to your message, but you have too many messages stored in your PM folder, so If you delete some (max is 50, then I can send you my message

That’s weird, I only had 5 messages in my box. I wonder if I’m allowed olyn 5 as a new member here.

Clear out so send away

 

[TerryJT]

Hi hjm,
I am a returned Catholic myself. I went to confession during lent for the first time after 25 years. The priest in my case was warm, welcoming, and had obviously been at this for a while, as he didn’t even flinch when I mentioned it had been 25 years since my last confession. I expected to “feel differently” after but I didn’t. I wasn’t looking for warm fuzzies or anything-just expected after all that time I would feel a bit lighter or something-but nothing of the sort happened.

The bottom line is though-I know I made an honest confession, and was now clear to return to communion. The reality is-my sins were absolved, as were yours, in spite of the youth and ?inexperience of the priest who heard your confession.

I forgot some sins (to be expected after not having gone for so long…), and returned again this week. It was a different priest-I think he was filling in, and I felt he rushed me a bit-didn’t even ask me to say the act of contrition. He did however give me a blanket absolution, as in his words “Easter is about new beginnings”. He wanted me to have a fresh start, and said by the power given him by the church, he was absoliving me of everything in the past-so I needn’t worry about forgetting anything else from my past again. From this day forward-a clean slate!

Let me tell you-he may have given me a bit of a “Drive through” confession-but I really “feel” like a new creature in Christ-squeeky clean, and a new start with my walk with Christ and the Church. So he rushed me a bit-but IMO was pastorally wise, and prevented me from mulling over my past too much, or becoming too scrupulous.

So it seems to me that every confession is different. If your priest was young-he may have been “new” at this, and maybe hasn’t delt with any of us long term prodigals before.

Specific to your comment about small groups-I spent over 2 decades with protestants, and came to like small group studies. They are good community builders, and help integrate new people into a congregation. My parish had a small group during lent I joined in, which I enjoyed. I heard this saying somewhere, and found it to be true…“Protestants have community. Catholics have communion.”

You won’t find the Eucharist anywhere else my friend! I would encourage you to go back. Once you are attending for a while-see if you can volunteer for a ministry-it is a way to meet people.

Hang in there-it is worth it. I would also HIGHLY recommend Scott Hanh’s books. They helped me immensely to better understand the Catholic faith, and answer some of the long term questions I had, coming from so many years in protestant churches, and hearing so much anti-catholic bias.

Hope I wasn’t too wordy! Let me know if you have any questions. Oh, and BTW-the second confession was MUCH easier, and I had way less anxiety.

 

[catholictiger]

I’m new here to the forums so please be patient with me.

This has been bugging me and I haven’t been back since…

I hadn’t been to confession since catholic grade school. I guess I fell away into a non-church goer starting in Catholic High School and College. I can’t believe it’s been this long

Anyway, trying to get back to my faith and a new & better relationship with God. I went to a “Landings” program, wasn’t what I had hoped, but still worth it some of the time. Started going to Mass but still felt like I was just going through the motions. I went through the process of having my wife’s previous marriage annulled and it was just as I had expected (a story for another time). I decided it was time to go to confession, did a lot of thinking and praying, and went to the church. I sat in the pew a long time trying to get up the nerve to do it. I felt like I was back in grade school waiting for the Nun to tell me it was my turn. In any case I really wanted to do it. There had been a lot of serious sins to get worked out and forgiven. I’m not sure what got me to move, but I ended up in a face to face room some how (I would have never done that if i was thinking about it) but I sat down and noticed the priest was very young, probably a brand new priest. I didn’t think it mattered, so I went with it. He seemed really uncomfortable for some reason and almost nervous while I was talking. Kind of made me uneasy. Anyway I explained my long time away from the church and confession. I was expecting a lot of questions from the priest before getting started, but he didn’t ask any. I showed him a booklet about confession I had with lots of notes so i could remember all my sins, so we began. It took a while and I felt kind of rushed because there was someone in the confessional next to him waiting. Afterwords I read a penance prayer from the booklet and he gave me additional readings from the bible and absolved me from my sins like I remembered from grade school. Now, after I left and did my readings and prayers I sat there for a while trying to get a feeling for what just happened. I just wasn’t feeling it, I felt like something was missing or went wrong. I figured it was just because of my time away, but I wasn’t feeling it or even feeling like I was truly forgiven somehow. I figured I’d give it more time and think and pray about it some more, but it’s still bugging me and I haven’t been back since, It’s starting to make me question my Catholic Faith which is much more serious them my falling away which was just that, a distraction, not a loosing of my Catholic faith. It’s been about a year since the confession I was attending Mass regularly, but now it’s not as regular as before, but I keep praying about it while trying to comprehend what i am feeling and what to do next.

Is this normal for someone who hasn’t been involved in the church for a very long time? I’m kind of at a crossroads and don’t know where to go or what to do. Maybe I’m just rushing it, but I want to truly feel like I’ve been forgiven, and I don’t feel that way for some reason.

Thank you in advance for any thoughts.

Sincerely,

hjm3(name removed by moderator)a

let me say this as long as the priest said the words of absolution and you didn’t set your will against the confession your sins are forgiven. So no matter how you feel your sins are forgiven never ever forget that.

I can’t really comment on what its like to come back to the church after a long time, but what I can suggest for you to do is preserver, God may bringing you through a period of desolation right now. Continue to pray Continue to go to mass (weekly ate last) and try to go to confession again.

God Bless you in your journey

 

[TheRealJuliane]

onthisrock,

I’m from the Philadelphia area as well, that is where I grew up Catholic in a pretty Catholic area. After college and the military I moved to Harrisburg for a job and found it to be a much more protestant area with many big churches. That may have been part of my inability to reconnect with the right church community. Recently That job has moved me to Pittsburgh, which seems to be a huge Catholic community, so the opportunity to grow in my faith seems much more available, lots of Catholic churches to visit and get to know.

Unfortunately I did an online search for faith groups that get together and found only protestant ones. The Catholic Church really needs to get the word out about it’s activities (or even start having more) and non-Sunday type groups for people like me to get connected. The protestants definitely know how to reach out and get people involved, I’ve had no shortage of invites to come and get involved in their small groups. I wish the Catholic Church did the same.

I’m going to take your advice and get back to confession and church regularly, and see if it leads me to a spiritual Adviser, thank you.

hjm3(name removed by moderator)a

Ahem…Welcome Home! I am a revert after 20+ years away…I confessed a bunch of really bad stuff when I came home too, and lately I’ve been wondering if that priest really even heard me, it was one of those multiple-priests within the sanctuary deals…I mean, I do not doubt the absolution, not at all, but I may make an appointment to talk with a priest outside the confessional just to go over it for my own peace of mind. When I confess, I feel mostly relieved. But some of the time, I still feel guilty and sad that I keep sinning and hurting Jesus, when he died for my sins. I pray and ask Jesus to give me peace and comfort (our confessions are done in the adoration chapel). Sometimes I feel happy. But it really doesn’t matter how I FEEL, what matters is that Jesus has TRULY forgiven me and I am clean!

About the outreach programs and other social activities…That’s something YOU can work on! Converts and reverts add a lot of energy back into the Church! If you want it, make it happen! Others will thank you.

Again, glad you came, and now, it’s probably time to get back to confession and start going to Mass again!

 

[Jaypeeto4]

Please go to Confession again but with no expectation of walking on a cloud after. Ask for forgiveness and trust that the priests words of absolution are from Jesus Christ Himself. I hope this helps you.

Dear Cathryn,
your comments above are correct, of course.
Problem is, possibly, for the OP,
is that on EWTN, and Catholic radio, and in interviews and articles, and
in writings of the Saints, many many many Catholics writing or talking about confession
almost invariably talk about how “WONDERFUL” they feel after having been to confession and been absolved. “As if 10,000 pounds were lifted off my shoulders,” or “I felt like I was in heaven itself afterwards,” and "you can’t imagine the joy and bliss of hearing the words “I absolve Thee…” and hundreds of statements similar to those. I’ve read them, and heard them, so many times I couldn’t begin to count them if I tried.

Like the OP, I do not experience such bliss and joy and ecstasy after my
confessions. I don’t feel quite as depressed as he seems to, but I certainly have never felt these “wonderful feelings” that so many Catholic writers and speakers do, in fact, talk about very frequently, leading people like the Original Poster to expect to feel like
they are on Cloud Nine afterwards!!

Your words are well-taken.
People in general should not expect to experience feelings of joy and bliss after
Confession. SOME people do, but very very many do not, they “feel” basically the same as before they went into the room. I know I do.
BUT, there is a measure of psychological relief, knowing that the sacrament acts
ex opere operato, and that no matter how I subjectively “Feel,” I am forgiven and back in the State of Grace.

Also, for the OP, he should note the fact that the Devil and his Fallen Angels frequently attack sensitive Christian souls, especially if they have returned to God after a long time away, with feelings of depression and sometimes even outright overwhelming guilt and accusatory thoughts, even and especially, AFTER receiving the Sacrament of Confession.
So, dear soul, be warned, the Fallen Ones DO do things like that.
Do pray for God’s, Mary’s, and the Angel’s protection from the Evil Spirits.
Also ask St. Michael the Archangel to protect you too, at least once, if not several times, a day. And keep going to Mass and, if necessary, more confessions. Do not become discouraged and do NOT make the horrible mistake of falling away or apostasizing out of sadness or despair. You ARE forgiven.
God bless you, and you too Cathryn,
Jaypeeto4
+JMJ+
PRAY THE ROSARY DAILY
PRAY THE CHAPLET OF THE DIVINE MERCY DAILY
saintmichaelthearchangelorganization.org
philomena.org
marian.org

 

[hartandhunter]

I know it’s all about glorifying God and worshiping in a Liturgical way, but I’m a social person and I think the “community” part of the church should be stronger and more evangelical if I’m using the term correctly. I’m halfway through the book Ordinary Work, Extraordinary Grace: My Spiritual Journey in Opus Dei By Scott Hahn. I never heard of Opus Dei, but they sound like a group that is really needed at every parish to help people like me understand and get involved in the community, work and with my family while glorifying God. I’ll be looking for more info on that organization very soon. hjm3(name removed by moderator)a

Peace be with you! Scott Hahn is one of my favorite Catholics ever. His series, The Lambs Supper, is what I credit with opening my heart away from rote and ritual to really start exploring my faith. As for saying you are a social person, that you should be!!! The Sacraments are, like people are saying, not here for the feelings we get, but parishes with a strong Community outside of that are wonderful! My husband and I drive twenty minutes out of our way to attend a church that we became very involved in before we moved and just love to continue that. THAT can make you really “feel” like a member in the body of Christ.
You might see if your parish or a nearby parish have small faith communities, groups etc that you can get involved in. I never realized how many there were because they aren’t advertised everywhere. You might check with the parish office during the week and ask them who is in charge of the communities or who you can talk to. You might even make an appointment with one of the priests because they may know more.
Also, I wanted to say that they young priest you first encountered may have been nervous if your confession was a lengthy one and it was the normal half hour they slot for confessions. You can always make an appointment for a private confession! Then there will be no rush.
I have had good, bad and ugly confessions over the years. It is hard, but try to see the Church in spite of some of the people. It is important to make that distinction because we cannot always rely on the people who serve the Church as they are just human, but we can ALWAYS rely on her.

 

[hjm3inpa]

Thank you everyone, it has been very helpful. I’m planing to try and get to Mass a few times a week and even confession weekly for the short term and see where that takes me.

I’ve been trying to find a more “small groups or small community/faith groups” oriented parish, but it is proving more difficult then I had hoped. I went to a church last night that started the Catholicism series, but I was the only one that showed up, which made discussing the program a little difficult, LOL. It seems every church I visited so far had all the same types of activities I remember from back in the day. Checking the websites and bulletins was really disappointing. Nothing new or really engaging for someone new or returning. For comparison I hit a few protestant church websites and right there on the main page was info on small groups, adult faith education, social events, and most if not all of that was happening all week long, not just on Sunday, very exciting and engaging info.

Is it frowned upon to promote info like that on our church websites and bulletins? Maybe this is an area I can help since it’s where my interest lies and what I’m looking for. I also don’t want to be looked at as trying to turn the church into a protestant look a like catholic church

This may not be on topic for this Sacraments thread/forum, so feel free to ignore it or PM me with your comments.

Thanks again for all the great advice and help. This website is a blessing for sure.

Looking Up!

hjm3(name removed by moderator)a

 

[hartandhunter]

Is it frowned upon to promote info like that on our church websites and bulletins? Maybe this is an area I can help since it’s where my interest lies and what I’m looking for. I also don’t want to be looked at as trying to turn the church into a protestant look a like catholic church hjm3(name removed by moderator)a

Certainly not, like I said, my particular parish is quite avid and active. What might be happening is that there are not many leaders. Small faith communities etc. are usually set up be people in the parish, with the correct permissions. ALL of them are volunteer as far as I am aware, universally.
If you visit a protestant church or website, you no doubt will see the plethora of activities. I mean this in NO WAY to be offensive, but they thrive on that sense of community in the face of not having the bond of the sacraments. They have to use human contact to keep people interested, otherwise it would be once a week bible study with grape juice and bread. I think it would be kind of uninteresting.
However! Catholic parishes can be vibrant. Maybe you should pray to see if YOU are being called to form a faith community! You don’t have to be an expert of any kind, you don’t have to have certain qualifications. If you are curious and searching, that could be the whole POINT of the group you start. ^–^ You could arrange to have speakers or watch videos and discuss them. That was how I came in contact with *The Lamb’s Supper. *We watched the series, slowly, after Mass and chatted about it for about twenty minutes on Sundays. It was very informal. It may start slow, like the class you tried to go to, but I am sure it would grow.
Pray about it, you sound like you have the desire, hunger and possibly the motivation. You might enjoy speaking with Brandon Vogt, who wrote a book about The Church and the New Media, about how Catholics tend to be slow to use technology for the betterment of the Church, and how he’s trying to change that. He’s a really nice guy! If you’re on facebook at all facebook.com/brandon.w.vogt or his site thinveil.net/ He is also on an episode of The Journey Home with Marcus Grodi on EWTN. Blessings!

 

[adv]

Welcome home! You are on a journey. I remember going to confession after many years and I didn’t have any feelings about it but I discovered other things I needed to confess. It was like taking layers off and opening my heart to the graces God. There is so much he wants to share with you. It’s part of developing your relationship with him. It will grow and grow and you will want to learn more and more.

 

[MonicaMariaGS]

Hello!

You might be feeling like you forgot to say something, or since there was so much for you to say, you felt like you had to let it all out.

When I was young, I would go to Confession every three months (about) because my parents made me, and then as I started getting older (about middle-school age), I started going myself…Still every three months or so.
I felt like I was going to Confession to just go, and not taking it very seriously. And therefore, I also had that empty feeling that my sins weren’t forgiven, like I had forgotten to say something or that I was not as sincere and sorry for my sins.

My last New Year’s Resolution was to go to Confession once every two weeks, and I am starting to experience God’s Grace and I have a better understanding of God’s Mercy on me, a sinner…And sometimes I go twice a week, and I feel like I have changed completely as a person.

You just have to get used to going to Confession…Think of it as if you were moving to a new home.

Also, pray the Rosary daily…Today is the Feast of Our Lady of the Most Holy Rosary! God bless, and God be with you during your journey. Stay strong.