Confession and not feeling like I've sinned

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Jade

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Hi All!

ok. I’ve been in this position before and I find it very startling and very unnerving, but I can’t think of doing things that have offended God lately. I understand, really deep down in my being understand, that I am not perfect and that I offend God countless times, but I honestly can not think of a time recently. I get very suspisous and it troubles me when I get this way.
I have asked my priest this question, but so far have not recieved a reply. Could you guys help me while I wait? Is this a common feeling?

Thanks!

God Bless!

Jade.
 
Jade,

I had the same thing a year or so ago.

Luckily I went to a priest I didn’t know; he was very young so I suspect he had the latest training. That’s just me; I prefer to go to a priest I don’t know to confess.

Anyway I just went in and told it straight. I said that I have certainly made mistakes but I’ve really been making an effort. There were a couple of possible mortal sins such as anger toward another person, but I soon got over it. Further, I said, I try not to dwell on sins in the past because I accept that I can’t change them.

Then I told him my real fear. I said that I honestly don’t know if I’m here because of an obligation or if I really am sorry for these things because they just don’t seem to bring me any anxiety once I get over them and repent. One thing I don’t want to do , said I, is make a false confession.

He said that it wasn’t that I had to “dwell” over them, but that if I have done these things and I own up to them humbly in confession then it is valid. Going through the process, he said, was good and necessary regardless of the fact that they don’t bother me.

So we went ahead as usual, and afterwards I felt I had received benefit from it. It was kind of nice to know that I had been officially forgiven and not just in my own possibly pride-biased mind.

Alan
 
Jade, I know exactly what you mean. I kept asking God to show me the elephant in the living room. There had to be something I was missing here - something huge and obvious that’s been there so long I didn’t even see it any more.

Finally, He did show it to me in a confession. I mentioned something that didn’t seem too big, and against which I’ve put up a half-hearted struggle. The priest jumped on it like a duck on a june bug and showed me what a big deal it really was and how far-reaching its effects. I was really taken aback, but it was a very good thing.

May God do the same for you very soon!

Betsy
 
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AlanFromWichita:
I said that I honestly don’t know if I’m here because of an obligation or if I really am sorry for these things because they just don’t seem to bring me any anxiety once I get over them and repent.
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Hello Alan!

Thanks for your post.
But what if you can’t THINK of anything you’ve done wrong?
 
The priest jumped on it like a duck on a june bug

Betsy

Betsy,

Thanks for your post! and I love that expression!😃 Thanks for making me smile!

Could you please pray for me that God would give me one of those moments?

God Bless!

Jade.
 
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Jade:
Hello Alan!

Thanks for your post.
But what if you can’t THINK of anything you’ve done wrong?
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Usually I go infrequently enough I can think of something.

One way to help is to go through an examination of conscience, which takes you through kind of a checklist.

The object, of course, is to be perfect. If you cannot think of ways you have obviously sinned, then when you examine your conscience to find places where you are weaker in faith than you ought to be, and maybe focus on them.

Another problem I have is that I don’t go around feeling guilty and worried because I think that is what Jesus came to keep us from having to do. That is why I appreciated the young priest saying that going through the process was useful.

If you honestly can’t think of anything to tell the priest, gosh, you might confess that. Just say, I wish advice, father, on whether I should continue this confession. I have no particular memory of sin since my last confession and I don’t know whether that is something I should be concerned about, and how I should confess under those circumstances.

One thing I’ll just throw out, is that you sound like you might just really love what you can get from a spiritual director, if you don’t already have one. These are perfect issues to discuss with them. Parish priests are really so burdened with administrative tasks these days (especially in our diocese where we don’t really have deacons to help) that I try to limit how long I tie them up in discussions. I think it’s OK to ask a question directly related to confession in the confessional, but contrary to some other people I don’t think it’s appropriate to drag it out, for respect of others in line.

Another thing you might do is invite your priest out to dinner or over to your house for dinner, and then after dinner you can maybe spend a while talking about these things. The priest at our parish enjoys going out to eat because he doesn’t cook, and has no regular cook, except parishioners who bring him things occasionally.

Alan
 
Alan’s comment about doing it like a checklist could be taken a step further; there are lists of major categories and breakdowns that could be very helpful. Fr. Hardon, in his Catechism does a pretty good job of listing the various permuttions of sins we commit under the aegis of the 10 Commandments.
 
Alan, otm,

Thank you! You are helping me tremendously! Thank you.

Alan, I am very privilaged to have my priest who encourages and literally makes time to have these types of discussions. And I have darkened his office door too many times to count! He is my spiritual director so to speak. I’m hoping to meet him soon.

Again, thank you for your replies!
 
I find this kind of thing - an Examination of Conscience checklist helps me. I’ll put a few of them up as some offer more than others.

Trust me, it’s hard NOT to find something when going through such a list. :whistle:

theworkofgod.org/Library/examine.htm

scborromeo.org/confess.htm

And wow, the mega list:

2heartsnetwork.org/examination.htm

Hey, the last link here has some more good stuff. Scroll down and you’ll find more stuff to dig into. Sins against the Holy Spirit are something that need to be understood as these are very serious.
 
I’m so glad you started this thread, because I’ve been wanting help with the same thing.

I don’t know if this would work for anybody else, but something that has helped me is to write down a little bit during my nightly examination of conscience. If a particular sin or temptation reveals itself to be a problem, I keep a running tally of how many times I fail in that manner. I confess every two weeks, but reflecting every day ensures that I don’t reach the end of those two weeks with nothing to say! (I started this because I have a bad memory for the details of day-to-day life)

But yeah, I’m also getting to the point where I know I’m a sinful creature but I’m not sure (even with an incredibly detailed examination of conscience) where to begin working on perfection. By easy standards, I’d be completely “sinless” some days. By really tough standards I’d probably be sinning 60 times an hour. I mean, certain sins never apply to me, while others (like “not trusting completely in God”) I suppose I could really be considered to be committing nearly all the time! How does one begin to combat sins that are not easily definable actions taken in a certain moment of time, but are products of the state of the soul that has been “of the world” most of its life and now wants to live for Christ? I’m not sure if I’m even explaining the problem well…

I want to work my way up to having really tough standards for myself. I’d really like suggestions on how to break that down into bite size pieces.
 
Mercy Alvarenga:
But yeah, I’m also getting to the point where I know I’m a sinful creature but I’m not sure (even with an incredibly detailed examination of conscience) where to begin working on perfection. By easy standards, I’d be completely “sinless” some days. By really tough standards I’d probably be sinning 60 times an hour. I mean, certain sins never apply to me, while others (like “not trusting completely in God”) I suppose I could really be considered to be committing nearly all the time! How does one begin to combat sins that are not easily definable actions taken in a certain moment of time, but are products of the state of the soul that has been “of the world” most of its life and now wants to live for Christ? I’m not sure if I’m even explaining the problem well…

I want to work my way up to having really tough standards for myself. I’d really like suggestions on how to break that down into bite size pieces.
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Yes, I see what you mean that you can always fall into “not trusting completely” or some such.

I think the way to achieve “really tough” standards is to embark on the spiritual journey. One way to help kick this off is, if you haven’t already, consider deepening your prayer life through a combination of vocal, meditative, and contemplative techniques. Technically, contemplative prayer isn’t a “technique” but a gift from God, but there are various methods of inviting such a gift by achieving inner silence for a period of time. You can read about prayer forms in the Catechism paragraphs 2700-2724.

Contemplative prayer is a way to share in Christ’s mystery, and brings us via Transforming Union to Divine Union with God.

You may PM me for specifics. Different people have different tastes and whenever I mention any by name it gets into a debate such that I don’t want to go there at this time publicly. Don’t worry; it’s all completely Catholic and legit.

Alan
 
I too had and at times still have this feeling. It is firstly a trick of satan in order to get you away from regular confession.

Use the 10 commandments as your standard and take each one seperately.

Ponder and muse on them and if your anything like me then by the time you reach number 1 you will feel the need for confession.

**EXAMINATION OF CONSCIENCE
From: " Brother, save yourself "
by very Rev. James Alberione, S.S.P, S.T.D. **
Code: 
                     **1]   I am the Lord your God. You shall not have strange gods before me. http://www.theworkofgod.org/Buttons/cross.gif**
Do I give God time every day in prayer?
Do I seek to love Him with my whole heart?
Have I been involved with superstitious practices or have I been involved with the occult?
Do I seek to surrender myself to God’s Word as taught by the Church?
Have I ever received Communion in a state of mortal sin?
Have I ever deliberately told a lie in confession or have I withheld a mortal sin from the priest in confession? **
2] You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.**

Have I used God’s name in vain: lightly or carelessly?
Have I been angry with God?
Have I wished evil upon another person?
Have I insulted a sacred person or abused a sacred object?
3] Remember to keep holy the Lord’s Day.

Have I deliberately missed Mass on Sundays or Holy Days of Obligation?
Have I tried to observe Sunday as a family day and a day of rest?
Do I do needless work on Sunday?4] Honour your Father and your Mother.

Do I honour and obey my parents?
Have I neglected my duties to my spouse and children?
Have I given my family good religious example?
Do I try to bring peace into my home life?
Do I care for my aged and infirm relatives?**

5] You shall not kill.**

Have I had an abortion or encouraged anyone to have an abortion?
Have I physically harmed anyone?
have I abused alcohol or drugs?
Did I give scandal to anyone, thereby leading them into sin?
Have I been angry or resentful?
Have I harbored hatred in my heart?
Have I mutilated myself through any form of sterilization?
Have I encouraged or condoned sterilization?**

Cont…****
**
 
6] You shall not commit adultery.

Have I been faithful to my marriage vows in thought and action?
Have I engaged in any sexual activity outside of marriage?
Have I used any method of contraception or artificial birth control in my marriage?
Has each sexual act in my marriage been open to the transmission of new life?
Have I been guilty of masturbation?
Have I sought to control my thoughts?
Have I respected all members of the opposite sex, or have I thought of other people as objects?
Have I been guilty of any homosexual activity?
Do I seek to be chaste in my thoughts, words and actions?
Am I careful to dress modestly?**

7] You shall not steal.**

Have I stolen what is not mine?
Have I returned or made restitution for what I have stolen?
Do I waste time at work, school or at home?
Do I gamble excessively, thereby denying my family of their needs?
Do I pay my debts promptly?
Do I seek to share what I have with the poor?

8] You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.

Have I lied?
Have I gossiped?
Have I spoken behind someone else’s back?
Am I sincere in my dealings with others?
Am I critical, negative or uncharitable in my thoughts of others?
Do I keep secret what should be kept confidential?**

9] You shall not desire your neighbor’s wife.**

Have I consented to impure thoughts?
Have I caused them by impure reading, movies, conversations or curiosity?
Do I seek to control my imagination?
Do I pray at once to banish impure thoughts and temptations?
**
10] You shall not desire your neighbor’s goods.**

Am I jealous of what other people have?
Do I envy the families or possessions of others?
Am I greedy or selfish?
Are material possessions the purpose of my life?
Do I trust that God will care for all of my material and spiritual needs?
Code: 
            **Imprimatur:
**+ Francis Cardinal Spellman
    Archbishop of New York     **
Nihil Obstat:
** John M.A. Fearns, S.T.D
Censor Librorum
 
JADE I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM!!!

Gosh it really annoys me when that happens!!!

I confess my sins but I still feel that something is missing…

My prayer: Dear god please forgive me for I have sinned, I’m sorry for…??? ummmmm :hmmm: Swearing… Getting angry… and yeah… I ask for your forgiviness through Jesus amen.

But still I feel that I’m missing something…
BUT WHAT IS IT!!! :banghead:
Also Is it a sin to do this -----------------> :banghead: ? I bang my head against the wall when i am stressed.

baltobetsy, gosh It must of been a real wake up call when the priest reacted like that :bigyikes:

When I confess my sins my local priest is like the exact opposite.

I confess stuff like Constantly thinking suicidal thoughts, felt very tempted to act on those thoughts, got angry often swore took the lords name in vain… and my preist would just SIT there with an expressionous look on his face!!! :I
Its like as if the only sin I commited was stepping on an ant or something! :confused:

Also what is a sin against the Holy spirit? :confused:

Also I found this site which I think is rather good on listing sins, catholic.org/frz/examen/mortal_main.htm

It mentioned that suicidal thoughts are a mortal sin! well serious entertainment of them! :eek:
I’m sooooo dead! :eek:

Evanescence

%between%
 
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Evanescence:
Also what is a sin against the Holy spirit? :confused:
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I’ll post the link here - just click and read. This is a list of frequently asked questions about Sins against the Holy Spirit.

The second link is much more detailed. Scroll down to where you see the Gifts of the Holy Spirit followed by the Fruits and then the Sins against in this second link.

I was tempted to paste them in, but the site rules include not pasting in documents from other websites (probably because it takes up more server space than just providing the link).

catholicdoors.com/faq/qu42.htm

newadvent.org/cathen/07409a.htm
 
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Evanescence:
When I confess my sins my local priest is like the exact opposite…my preist would just SIT there with an expressionous look on his face!!! :I
Its like as if the only sin I commited was stepping on an ant or something! :confused:

Also what is a sin against the Holy spirit? :confused:

Evanescence
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Hi Evanescence!

My priest gets that way too. And knowing him as I do (we have been good friends since I was in grade 7) I know that he is thinking. When he doesn’t seem to react, or has no expression on his face, he’s being quiet and listening to me, and to God. It’s the look of intense concentration. In my priest anyway.

About your question about the sins against the Holy Spirit, you might want to read this link- it explains things very well.
catholicdoors.com/faq/qu42.htm

Take Care!

Jade.
 
Mercy Alvarenga:
I want to work my way up to having really tough standards for myself. I’d really like suggestions on how to break that down into bite size pieces.
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In a book called Frequent Confession by Baur, it recommends that you focus on one particular sin or virtue you fail to practise & work on that for as long as it takes & then chose another one. Each time you go to Confession (aswell as your other sins) you mention this failure & ask for the grace to eliminate it. This is known as a “particular purpose of amendment”. You don’t have to say this to the priest but it should be explicit in your preparation for confession & penance afterward.
 
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