Confession messes me up

  • Thread starter Thread starter trobinson017
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
T

trobinson017

Guest
I have an interesting problem. I’ve been fighting an addiction to porn for most of my life, about 25 years. About half of that as a practicing Catholic with regular visits to the confessional, talks with a spiritual advisor and about 2 years of daily recitations of the Rosary, all to deal with this addiction. Nothing has stuck. As a matter of fact (and hence my topic), I seem to do better prior to going to confession, then worse afterward! To explain, I can rededicate myself to eradicating this disease and eliminate it for a few weeks. During this time I do not go to confession but attend weekly Mass. Then when I think all is well and I’ve got a grip on things I go to confession, then reception of the Eucharist. Without fail, a couple of days after that I’m overcome with desire for the sin and fall back into it. It just seems that going to confession and being purified opens my body and mind widely to Satan’s whisperings. I just don’t know how to combat this anymore. I’m really struggling and feel I’ve done everything that can be done. I cannot see a professional as I don’t have the money to pay what insurance won’t cover.

Any advice and certainly all prayers are welcome.

totus+tuus

trob
 
Ever think that you’ve got others working against you? I’m not one to blame Satanic forces off the bat but it’s true that they are working against our salvation. They know when we are doing well and how to shake us up. A sure way to overcome Satan is to ask Our Lady for assistance. Especially in cases where purity is concerned.
Please keep up your determination to beat this. Maybe this website can help also: dads.org/strugglewithporn.asp
 
I find that whenever I am tempted it is easier to overcome if I start praying the rosary. Usually, by the time I finish, I find I can more easily overcome it. If I still feel weak, I start again. Usually those kinds of temptations come when we are idle. See if you can come up with something constructive to do with your time.

St. Michael and your Gaurdian Angel are a great help, too.👍

God Bless,
Joyful_1
 
Try putting a statue of Jesus, the Blessed Mother, a Rosary, or some other holy reminder next to the computer/tv/etc. Make CA or EWTN or something like it your homepage.
 
This must be difficult for you. You are to be commended that you realize this is an addiction and are seeking to gain control over it.

Have you checked for SAA (Sexoholics Anonymous) in your area. This is a support group similar to AA (Alcoholics Anonymous). They have a group for the addict and a group for the significant other of the addict.

Also, it seems that you have been waiting to conquer your addiction prior to going to confession. You may achieve better results by confessing as immediately, fighting the urges during the week, and then confessing the urges weekly.

There is a great CD that is available on confession. It is by Father Larry Richards and it is only $4.00. He also has other CD’s available or your can listen to his talks on Relevant Radio.

Better yet, if you can make it to one of his retreats (he only does a couple per year). I bought his CD’s after seeing him - his CD’s are good, but seeing him in person is inspiring - his non-verbal communications really add to the talk. You can find out where he will be by checking his schedule on “The Reason For Our Hope Foundation” website.

Hope this helps, and good luck.
 
I was having the same thought as you - also with impure thoughts and deeds.

I’ll pray for us 🙂
 
I recognized just prior to lent that a certain person was so difficult that I began to despise her in my heart, slipping from focus on the sin to focus on the sinner. Her very name brought disgust to me. When Jesus made me aware of this, I went to confession. As I prayed the Act of Contrition there, I felt a serious duty to keep my resolve to “avoid the near occasions of sin” with regard to this person. I have faithfully kept this by avoiding contact, and this is my recommendation to you. It really purifies our hearts when we keep free of the occasions of slipping.

Since all temptations originate in our thought life, that would be a good place to begin, placing your thoughts under the protection of the Virgin Mary and especially St. Joseph, who guarded her purity. You probably realize that when your thoughts arise to indulge the “occasion” of sin, that you need to abstain from whatever it is that formerly ignited your passion, be it books, internet, films, etc.

Addictions are extremely difficult to overcome when these materials gain entrance through your eyes and imprint an impure image on your memory. That is the stuff satan recalls to your mind with so much ease to trap you into a new surrender. And the more you surrender, the more images are played in your memory, making it doubly hard to overcome.

The only solution is abstinence, but more than that, you will need to replace the images when you recall them, with higher images of pure beauty. Mentally picture something that inspires you and play that memory instead. I once had a terrible time with a certain temptation, but I had begun spiritual reading and meditation, and was learning how much Jesus loved me. My gratitude for so many gifts from Him was the image I used in the moment my temptation was severe. I pictured Him right there loving me, showering me with grace, watching for my victory, and it helped me to conquer.

Ask the Lord to help you enoble your thoughts and see sexuality as the beautiful gift of Our Creator, and refuse to soil it with degenerate baseness. When you have overcome, you will notice these are most disgusting to recall, and it will give God much glory when you reject them.

I prayed for you last night. May God bless you with courage and victory.
 
beckycmarie said:
Some resources you might find helpful: St Padre Pio Center for Deliverance Counseling
Click to expand...
Excellent resource.

OK, here’s where I’m going to be weird, blunt, and am trying to be gentle [and my examples are all pure speculation]:

I knew a woman once who needed an amout of pain to become excited. Without it, she was not fulfilled. She thought she needed the pain to “pay” for her sins in order to let herself receive pleasure. Through Catholic Counseling, she is experienceing a more tender and loving relationship with her husband. (No, not me.)

I suspect that after you feel “clean” and whole after confession, you could be “physically celebrating,” your purity, but not being totally aware that you’re sabotaging yourself.

Or, you could be physically demonstrating yourself as a sinner – not to spite God and His sacraments – but because you feel so unworthy that you’ve just been forgiven that you almost need to sin again.

Perhaps you feel you are not worthy of God’s love , grace, and forgiveness…it could be the routine that “I confess, I sin, I confess, I sin.”

Or even, “I sin but I know I’ll be forgiven next week.”

**
“Chastity can only be thought of in association with the virtue of love.” - Pope John Paul II
Click to expand...
**

So love yourself, as JPII exhorted you to do. Remind yourself (especially after confession) that you are a vessel of God’s love and the temple of the Holy Spirit. Although NONE of us are worthy of the Blood of the Lamb, we HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN through the sacrament – and we compromise our salvation daily by similar sins!

You may want to pick up a copy of JPII’s Theology of the Body, while you’re questioning.

Check out these lnks from the Pure Love Club:

Pornography, etc.MasturbationPornography

Forgiving Yourself (under Starting Over)**I’ve gone to confesion, but how do you forgive yourself? **What if I feel like I don’t deserve a good [relationship]? Will someone still love me even if I made some mistakes and am carrying “baggage”?

**How to Stay Pure**Purity In Daily Life

Purity In Relationships I hope this helps, even a little.
  • Mis
 
Joyful_1 said:
I find that whenever I am tempted it is easier to overcome if I start praying the rosary. Usually, by the time I finish, I find I can more easily overcome it. If I still feel weak, I start again. Usually those kinds of temptations come when we are idle. See if you can come up with something constructive to do with your time.
Click to expand...
I had the very same addiction as the OP. I do a lot of travelling and staying in motels away from my family. I realized I had to do something, so I began by putting an image of the Divine Mercy as my desktop and leaving it on so I felt our Lord’s presence whenever I was contemplating using my laptop to view the wrong CDs. There is nothing like having our Lord staring at you to lead you back to Him. And, like Joyful says, praying the Rosary lets our Blessed Mother intercede and genlty nudge us in the right direction.
 
Every time those images even begin to start coming into your mind, start praying the Hail Mary. I don’t know why or how this works, but it does.

I have recently had to become celibate due to my husband being very ill, so I know exactly what you are going through - it is not fun. 😦
 
Remember that though we are forgiven for our sins, the tendency to sin remains. That’s the idea for the penance after confession, to help you to heal your sinful tendency.

It sounds like there is something in your life, a deeper cause for your sin. For me it was pride, i wanted to beat it all by myself so i could say i did it. I needed to humble myself and ask Jesus to help me, because afterall, he had the same parts i do but he was ok. For you it sounds like it could be sloth (laziness), and falling into the error that everything is ok once confession is done, or once mass is over.

After the first battle is waged on the battle field, you have to ready yourself for the second wave. Remember your humanity: we are all sinners. Denying this very fact and trying to supress your urges is unhealthy and will get you no where. When tempted, recognize that temptation is normal and that no man goes without being tempted severely. It is what you do with the temptations that makes the difference. When dirty thoughts come, start praying “in the name of the father son holy spirit, holy blood of christ wash over my temptations, etc etc”.

You seem to know the patterns of your sins, write them down. Try to eliminate all your near occasions of sin. Identify them. It could take one month or it could take years. Only the Lord knows.

Good luck, and please feel free to PM if you need to, I’ve been through this,

-revelations
 
There is a wonderful little book called "How to Profit from one’s faults based on the writings of St Francis de Sales’ (you can get it on Amazon.com and it only costs 1.60). 👍
It’s main point is that in this life one will always be tempted and one may fall into sin 😦 . If this happens one should not stay fallen but keep on fighting to overcome sin. Each time you give in to sin, it takes a stronger hold on you.:eek:
Each time you succesfully resist it, it gets weaker.:hypno:
So it is very important never to give up trying to overcome it. Never despair. :nope:

It offers great advice and very comforting thoughts that will help you greatly.:extrahappy:

Hope you buy it, read it and find it very useful!

Alma
 
Ever think that you’ve got others working against you? I’m not one to blame Satanic forces off the bat but it’s true that they are working against our salvation. They know when we are doing well and how to shake us up. A sure way to overcome Satan is to ask Our Lady for assistance. Especially in cases where purity is concerned.
Click to expand...
I agree with not blaming Satanic forces off the bat, but I also think that sometimes the timing of attacks of temptaion are in no way a coincidence. I think if this is the case, then you going to confession less often is exactly the goal of the attack. St. Ignatius says not to change your decisions you’ve made in times of grace during times of desolation. Keep going!!!
 
This is a possibility… It could be that you have a negative spirit around you that entices you to sin. Next time you get the urge just do a self-talk and say to the negative thoughts that are going through your mind and say, “STOP IT!!! GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE”.

You have what is called a VICE. Tell the VICE to go away now!!
Do a self talk and pray to God for help right away.
YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE…Don’t give it away to evil spirits or evil thoughts. Just say," I control what I do."

My advise to you is just like a quick band-aid. I truly feel you need to find a new interest to replace the VICE.

Priests know that some of us have some bad habits that are sinful. They also know that we keep repeating the VICE over and over.
I have a VICE that I need to learn to control. My VICE is considered a venial sin but it could become very serious in my future. A friend of mind advised me to do the SELF-TALK right away. It has been working for me.

I hope that all of our advise will help you in some way.
 
trobinson017 said:
I have an interesting problem. I’ve been fighting an addiction to porn for most of my life, about 25 years. About half of that as a practicing Catholic with regular visits to the confessional, talks with a spiritual advisor and about 2 years of daily recitations of the Rosary, all to deal with this addiction. Nothing has stuck. As a matter of fact (and hence my topic), I seem to do better prior to going to confession, then worse afterward! To explain, I can rededicate myself to eradicating this disease and eliminate it for a few weeks. During this time I do not go to confession but attend weekly Mass. Then when I think all is well and I’ve got a grip on things I go to confession, then reception of the Eucharist. Without fail, a couple of days after that I’m overcome with desire for the sin and fall back into it. It just seems that going to confession and being purified opens my body and mind widely to Satan’s whisperings. I just don’t know how to combat this anymore. I’m really struggling and feel I’ve done everything that can be done. I cannot see a professional as I don’t have the money to pay what insurance won’t cover.

Any advice and certainly all prayers are welcome.

totus+tuus

trob
Click to expand...
Iam sorry 4 your suffering I would try going to Alcoholics Anonymous.They writtin the book on recovery.You might be willing to pick up some pointers.Remember Jesus suffered for our sins.sometimes when we feel bad about our actions we dont want to be forgived.You might try to have all the porn sites lock out of the compter if you are willing to do that.You need to keep on guiting dont give up hope.There are sexal recovery groups around,Go to the meetings and help others is sometimes the ownly way.keep parying .remember a sexal add.gos back very far it didnt happen over night you have to give it time .I cant do it ,God can if you let him.
 
trob, it really helps if you join a free sexual addiction recovery group. I know you can find a group. There are many people who have that addiction. You will be surpirsed at what the other people in the group will be talking about their own sexual addiction to porn. They most likely are worst off than you are. You will sorry for those people and be able to see that you can control your problem. You will also MEET people who have RECOVERED FROM LOOKING AT PORN. They will be there to stay in God’s light of protection. Remember… those groups do ask God for help. They also pray to GOD.
Please seek help.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top