Confession Questions

[KDault]

I am a fairly new Catholic (a year and some change), and I have a question about confession.

Most of the time, my confessions have to do not so much with what I have done, but what I have failed to do - I neglect the poor who are my neighbors, I fail to trust that God will provide, worrying about money, etc. I don’t feel like I’m being scrupulous, but that these are real sins and I want to confess them. My priest has dismissed the confessions of what I have failed to do, and chosen to focus much more on what I have done. I often feel like what I have done is less serious than what I fail to do. I do not love my neighbor as myself. This is a problem. But when I confess it, I feel like my priest thinks I’m silly for confessing that. Does anyone have any advice to deal with that? Am I being silly?

Thanks,
Kira

 

[ralphinal]

To me, what I have failed to do is important as well. It takes me longer to confess those sins because I fail to do a lot. I think that next time, mention to the priest that this is important to you. If he is dismissive, find a new confessor.

 

[cue]

1. What are the chief qualities of a good confession?
   The chief qualities of a good confession are three: it must be humble, sincere, and entire.

Never worry about confessing too much. As long as you are only talking about yourself (and not complaining about how difficult other people are), you’re fine. Open up, as you seem to be doing, to Christ in the Sacrament and let him know every way in which you have not loved him. I agree that it might be good idea to find another confessor, if possible.

 

[mercygate]

I am a fairly new Catholic (a year and some change), and I have a question about confession.

Most of the time, my confessions have to do not so much with what I have done, but what I have failed to do - I neglect the poor who are my neighbors, I fail to trust that God will provide, worrying about money, etc. I don’t feel like I’m being scrupulous, but that these are real sins and I want to confess them. My priest has dismissed the confessions of what I have failed to do, and chosen to focus much more on what I have done. I often feel like what I have done is less serious than what I fail to do. I do not love my neighbor as myself. This is a problem. But when I confess it, I feel like my priest thinks I’m silly for confessing that. Does anyone have any advice to deal with that? Am I being silly?

Thanks,
Kira

Saying “I failed to love my neighbor” isn’t a confession: it’s a condition of life. I think if you were to be specific, it would help. E.g., There’s a homeless person on the streetcorner by my office every day and I never buy him a cup of coffee or even say good morning.

 

[Orionthehunter]

I am a fairly new Catholic (a year and some change), and I have a question about confession.

Most of the time, my confessions have to do not so much with what I have done, but what I have failed to do - I neglect the poor who are my neighbors, I fail to trust that God will provide, worrying about money, etc. I don’t feel like I’m being scrupulous, but that these are real sins and I want to confess them. My priest has dismissed the confessions of what I have failed to do, and chosen to focus much more on what I have done. I often feel like what I have done is less serious than what I fail to do. I do not love my neighbor as myself. This is a problem. But when I confess it, I feel like my priest thinks I’m silly for confessing that. Does anyone have any advice to deal with that? Am I being silly?

Thanks,
Kira

Keep in mind that your Confessor is there “in the person of Christ.” Trust him a little more. Maybe he understands with divine guidance that the sins of failure to do what you are to do are not the real sins that are separating you from God. Maybe Christ and your Confessor want you to face more directly what you are doing. For example, are you not doing what you should do for the poor because you are indulging too much in your own personal passions that absorb your resources? This is the sin then Christ wants you to attack.

It has been my experience that my Confessor has a supernatural ability to see better what I need to confess. Don’t fight him. Go with him. I believe you will be surprised what gets uncovered.

P.S. Mercygate is very correct. We need to be specific in our confessions. When I try to get away with saying “I haven’t been a good husband”, my Confessor makes me give examples. And to make his point, he often says, “give me another”, and “another”, etc. If my examples aren’t too serious, he then says tell me how you have been a good husband. In the end, he points out that I was trying to “confess” that I’m not a perfect husband. This isn’t a sin to be imperfect but it is inherent in our human condition.

 

[mercygate]

It has been my experience that my Confessor has a supernatural ability to see better what I need to confess. Don’t fight him. Go with him. I believe you will be surprised what gets uncovered.

Ain’t THAT the TRUTH!

 

[Sr_Sally]

Keep in mind that your Confessor is there “in the person of Christ.” Trust him a little more. Maybe he understands with divine guidance that the sins of failure to do what you are to do are not the real sins that are separating you from God. Maybe Christ and your Confessor want you to face more directly what you are doing. For example, are you not doing what you should do for the poor because you are indulging too much in your own personal passions that absorb your resources? This is the sin then Christ wants you to attack.

It has been my experience that my Confessor has a supernatural ability to see better what I need to confess. Don’t fight him. Go with him. I believe you will be surprised what gets uncovered.

P.S. Mercygate is very correct. We need to be specific in our confessions. When I try to get away with saying “I haven’t been a good husband”, my Confessor makes me give examples. And to make his point, he often says, “give me another”, and “another”, etc. If my examples aren’t too serious, he then says tell me how you have been a good husband. In the end, he points out that I was trying to “confess” that I’m not a perfect husband. This isn’t a sin to be imperfect but it is inherent in our human condition.

I agree that in order to root out the true sin in our lives we need to focus on why we do or don’t do something. Perhaps we don’t help the single mom because of impatience with her, or pride because we don’t want to be seen with her, etc. So the true sin is our impatience or pride, not just ‘not loving our neighbors’.

St. John Climicus says we need to obey the authority put over us even if they aren’t very wise. God will protect us because of our humility. So even if you don’t agree with your priest’s recommendations, he is in authority over you and you should follow his directions from the confessional.