Confession with a Toddler

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nodito

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I really need to go to confession. I could go this weekend when my husband is home to watch our kids but I’m worried that a prior commitment would run over and I’d miss it. I found a parish that has scheduled confessions on Wednesday mornings, but I have no one to watch my toddler, so I would need to bring her with me. This would be true even if I were to be able to schedule an appointment at my home parish sometime this week.

What do other parents do in this type of situation? Can I bring the two year old in with me? She has good vocabulary for her age but I don’t think there’s a risk of her understanding or repeating what I need to confess. I do think she’d be curious and want to explore the confessional, though, which could be distracting. I don’t know anyone in this parish well enough to ask someone to watch her while I’m confessing, and, as I said, I don’t have anyone to watch her this week.

What would you advise me?
 
I have never brought my children in the confessional with me. I have always told them what is said in there stays in there. I really want them to trust that idea, and I do believe that sense of trust begins even at age 2. It’s not so much that the child might hear your confession; I would want to reinforce the idea that we always go in alone because it is private. Children tend to not grasp exceptions (“just this once”), so I try to keep the privacy of the confessional as an absolute.

I appreciate your problem, but I honestly would go out of my way to get to a confession that meets your schedule. I know it’s hard; in this area the confession times all seem to be before the 4:00 Saturday Mass.

Or maybe you could leave the curtain open just enough to see the child, and/or leave him/her there with someone else (I’m picturing a kindly grandmother type) who is also there for confession.

Good luck and God bless whatever you decide.
 
Find someone to watch your child for an hour or so. Once in a while someone brings their toddler into the confessional with them and we can hear the child outside being disruptive and talking or sometimes even crying and carrying on during the parents confession. If you REALLY need to go, then you need your full attention with the priest and it isn’t worth the chance you will spend most of the time trying to keep a child in check.
 
nodito said:
I appreciate your trying to be helpful, but I thought it was pretty clear from my post that I have no one to watch my child this week.
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Could you bring her some books or something to keep her occupied? Perhaps also if you talk to the priest you can tell him you have a child and perhaps they can arrange fore someone to sit with her for a few minutes while youre in the confessional? Otherwise I would commit to doong it on the weekend and plan around it. I am sorry if I cant be of more help as I have not bbeen in your situation yet(baby due in November) but I wish you luck!
 
Usually, when we have scheduled an appointment for confession, the place was at the parish office instead of a confessional in the Church , and we confessed our sins facing the priest. I believe you can ask the parish office’s secretary to look after your toddler until you are done with confession.
 
I would go for the scheduled confession in the Priest’s office or the rectory. Much more inviting and less stressful for a toddler.

Bring something you know will distract them like a phone or iPad with game. I’d go so far as to buy a new toy to bring out when you get into the office so your child is immediately distracted and couldn’t care less about what you are discussing.

Going into a booth would be a disaster with my girls. It’s dark and confining and would instantly cause fear and anxiety and there is no way either of my girls would be fine with me leaving them with a total stranger (I don’t care how sweet and grandmotherly they might be) while mom disappears into a room.

I can really understand your predicament. We worked the problem by finding a parish that has daily evening confession and switching off on who is with the kids and who is going to confession. We’re really lucky that we live in a massive diocese with dozens of parishes within minutes of our house.
I know not everyone has this to take advantage of.
 
Confession is to be celebrated in a confessional unless a legitimate reason exists to celebrate it elsewhere. Perhaps your pastor can hear your confession in the nave of a the church at a distance from your daughter that is close enough for you to watch your daughter but not so close that she can overhear your confession.

I’d advise you to explain your predicament to your pastor or confessor. Do what he says.
 
I have brought my two year old with me. I apologized to the pastor and said that I knew it wasn’t ideal, but he was very quick to say he was glad I could be there and to not worry about it.

If your child were older, I would say no.

2 is not old enough to understand what is going on. You’re talking about the purity of your soul. If you feel that you need to go, go. God made that child. He understands your heart. I am confident he would understand why your child is with you.
 
I’ve brought infants and toddlers in with me when I had to. They’re not really interested in eavesdropping; they’re just happy to be with Mommy.
 
I bring my almost-4-year-old in with me, as our parish has a lovely enclosed confession room. He wears a pair of heavy duty ear defenders (Baby Banz) and reads while I speak with the priest. My confessions are usually only a few minutes. We discuss that the content is private and that he is expected to be silent and still while I confess. He does admirably!
 
nodito said:
I really need to go to confession…
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I think your opening statement serves as a good focus for the whole discussion. A person who really needs to go to confession should do just that, and not delay until more optimal conditions present themselves. After all, if someone were to say, “I really need to go to a doctor,” then we would, of course, caution against delaying, would we not? Whether a malady is physical in nature or spiritual, it’s best to go ahead and get it taken care of.

You can call the parish office ahead of time to see if the pastor has any suggestions or directives in this regard, but (objectively speaking) there is no rule prohibiting a toddler accompanying a parent into a confessional. If you have to confess something of a sensitive nature that you are worried that the child may repeat later, then refer to the commandment that was broken (by its number) and use “grown up talk” to supply any additional details that need to be expressed. A toy to distract your daughter may be helpful as well.
 
I used to take my little ones with me (one at a time). I explained they needed to be very quiet and not interrupt my confession, and I told them to cover their ears. It worked and my son was always very keen to press his hands over his ears as hard as he could 😃 I used language they could not understand. When my son was three and a half I stopped taking him in with me, and he was fine waiting outside. My daughter was younger than that when she was old enough to wait outside and not panic. I never had a priest complain of me taking one child in.
 
Personally, at that age, I’d just bring him with me and not worry about it. God Bless.
 
I also bring my young children in with me when I have to. If it means going to confession or not, I would think going is better than not. My kids would never sit with a complete stranger. I have tried: they scream and cling to me. My confessions are generally 5 minutes or so and they sit quietly on my lap taking in the new environment. I have no problems at all, except for maybe judgemental people outside the confessional!!
 
nodito said:
I appreciate your trying to be helpful, but I thought it was pretty clear from my post that I have no one to watch my child this week.
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My youngest is now five and I’m no longer in that situation, but in the past I have brought my toddlers into the Confessional. On more than one occasion before entering the Confessional I’ve run into friends or acquaintances at the Church and they offered to watch my little ones or we exchanged watching each others children. I’ve also asked people (whom I knew) who were in line behind me if they’d be kind enough to keep their eye on my child while I quickly go in.

These weren’t long Confessions–and I mention to Father before we start if I have a toddler with me or just outside the door. If the toddler was with me, I used vocabulary words that were beyond the child’s comprehension.

People always seemed happy to help me and if a young mother asked me now, I’d be happy to help her.
🙂
 
Thanks for all the advice and help, everyone! Problem solved: I made an appt this morning with our pastor, met with him in the rectory, and my 2 year old was calm and quiet the whole time. Father didn’t mind at all and it wasn’t a distraction. Praise God for His goodness!
 
nodito said:
Thanks for all the advice and help, everyone! Problem solved: I made an appt this morning with our pastor, met with him in the rectory, and my 2 year old was calm and quiet the whole time. Father didn’t mind at all and it wasn’t a distraction. Praise God for His goodness!
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Yay!

I have brought my kids up to 2 years old into the confessional with me. After that they were just too verbal and I knew they were fond of repeating what I’d say. Since I prefer behind the screen, I’ve just told the priest, “Just so you know, Father, I have a baby in here with me, so if you hear any weird noises, he’s likely the culprit.” And Father has usually chuckled and we’ve proceeded without any issues.

My oldest is not very good at sitting still or behaving himself without a super watchful eye, so while another child his age might be OK sitting outside for a minute, I don’t do that just yet. If we go together my husband and I will switch off going in so the other can watch the kids. We do try to go on a semi-regular basis which helps enormously.
 
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