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puzzleannie
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regardless in canon law no adult can be forced to receive any sacrament of the Church. period.
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u047mn
Guest
Unfortunately, it does not and should not work that way. See my post on what the Catechism says. Old school philosophy here does not work (and really never did). They have to free to choose with guidance, love, patience and acceptance; Not “you will do it because I said so…” What does that get? resentment, alienation, hurt, anger, - all things that are exactly opposite what the Spirit brings: Love, understanding, courage, wisdom, piety, knowledge, reverence…
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kengraff
Guest
Confirmation is a Sacrament of choice. It is the initiation where the individual take ownership of the gift God gives him or her. To a certain extent, it has to be the person’s choice.
Our problem in this Church is that we want to delegate our responsibility of explaining and encouraging, helping our children discern and decide to others. As parents we need to work as if the very lives of our children depend on them accepting and believing in Jesus and guiding their lives according to that and then we need to allow God to touch their hearts.
If a teen isn’t there, Confirmation becomes a chore. While it might be easier to come back to the Church as a more mature individual, some of the greatest Catholics had it very hard…(ie Paul, and many saints)
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Our problem in this Church is that we want to delegate our responsibility of explaining and encouraging, helping our children discern and decide to others. As parents we need to work as if the very lives of our children depend on them accepting and believing in Jesus and guiding their lives according to that and then we need to allow God to touch their hearts.
If a teen isn’t there, Confirmation becomes a chore. While it might be easier to come back to the Church as a more mature individual, some of the greatest Catholics had it very hard…(ie Paul, and many saints)
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JimR-OCDS
Guest
I think sometimes parents force their teens to receive Confirmation, because out of their own pride, the don’t want to asnwer to their friends, that their son or daughter, refused to make Confirmation. For them, its as bad as telling people their kid has decided not to go to college.
Jim
Jim
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mercygate
Guest
Of course you can expect her to go through the program! That is not the same thing as forcing her to be confirmed.
While nothing may “click” for her in her faith by going through it, it is almost guaranteed that nothing will “click” if she does NOT go through it.
Acting as if the program is optional will further dilute your authority with her and will evidence your own lack of conviction. Respecting her unwillingness to be confirmed in the end would be necessary if she persists in resisting: free will is essential to receiving any Sacrament of the Church.
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VAC
Guest
Yes, you can demand obedience. You can force them to attend classes, to attend mass, and to behave respectfully toward other in church and in class. You cannot force anyone to believe anything. We insisted that our boys attend all the classes and meet all requirements of the class. The 2 older ones refused to make confirmation at the end of the year.
The DRE and the Deacon who taught the confirmation classes of my oldest son stated that it had to be the child’s CHOICE to be confirmed. Baptism, First Communion, and First Penance are ‘forced’ on a child. Our Deacon told us that Confirmation is a sacrament that must be the active choice of the individual.
It hurts that they’ve rejected their faith, but I think it’s a bigger sin to encourage your teen to be a hypocrite by forcing them to accept something they don’t believe. How can you advocate this with a clean conscience? Both my older boys have at times stated they don’t believe in God. If I forced them to receive communion when they didn’t believe in what they were receiving I’d be commiting blasphemy.
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RPConover
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VAC
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Re read my post. I said that as infants and young children, we make the choice for them. In the Eastern rite, everything is done as infants who are unable to make the choice.Why then do the Eastern churches confirm(chrismate) infants? Since choice is the big issue here is it useless for them to do this?
As it stands, considering the age confirmation takes place at in the Roman rite, you’re right… it probably is useless to try and force it.
In the Roman rite, teens must make the choice.
Anytime you give a teen a choice, you must accept the possibility that they will not make the choice you prefer.
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puzzleannie
Guest
because that is the Eastern Rite, and the OP was about practice in the Latin Rite. as discussed previously in dozens of threads on this topic, which we might wish to refer to if we are going off-topic with the age issue, the ER practice more properly conveys the theology of the sacrament. It is NOT a coming-of-age ritual, or graduation from religious education, or the occasion on which a teen decides to be Catholic. The reasons confirmation became separated from baptism in the west has more to do with historical reasons than with theological, and the differences in how populations were converted, and in different evolution in role of the bishop.Why then do the Eastern churches confirm(chrismate) infants? Since choice is the big issue here is it useless for them to do this?
As it stands, considering the age confirmation takes place at in the Roman rite, you’re right… it probably is useless to try and force it.
participating in RE and in parish Confirmation Prep is another issue than actual reception of the sacrament, which was question in OP. if you want to discuss that, we also have several ongoing threads for that topic. Canonically for the purposes of the sacraments of initiation anyone over the age of discretion (about age 7) is considered and adult, must be prepared for the sacraments according to age and ability, and must freely chose to accept them.
It is entirely within the parental rights to insist that a minor child in your care attend RE as well as sacramental prep programs, and attend Mass regularly. You cannot force him to accept Confirmation, nor to confess, nor to receive communion. Nor can you or should you pry into what belongs in the confessional.
What is neglected, however, by DREs, pastors and parents, is stress on the serious nature of rejecting Confirmation when it is offered by the bishop. It constitutes rejection of his authority, rejection of the sacraments as instituted by Christ, and rejection of the gifts of the Holy Spirit and determination to conduct one’s life without that divine assistance and in disregard of the immensity of those gifts, and rejection of the opportunity to grow in knowledge of the faith. Very serious, potentially mortal damage to the soul, and by the way, very poor attitude toward one’s spiritual growth and health (and inadequate preparation for marriage, by the way).
CatholicCajun
New member
This is a hard decision to make and there are many good points in this thread for and against. My son was confirmed, he knew he did not have a choice. Is any teenager ready for anything? They don’t know what they believe at that age. Is there a youth group at your church that they could join and maybe being in that environment with other teens may help them decide to make their confirmation with out a fight. God Bless.:banghead:
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mercygate
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Any teenager who has been prepared for Confirmation knows enough to know that he doesn’t want to commit – or that he does.
As for absolute readiness: nobody is EVER fully ready. You have to step forward in faith. That should be part of the spiritual preparation: teaching them that as long as they understand the fundamentals of the faith and are willing to trust in the Lord to bring their faith to fruition, they are ready “enough” and that the graces of the Sacrament will continue to grow throughout their lives.
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KathyA
Guest
Here’s a quick story about “forcing” a teen to be Confirmed…
Several years ago, I was working in the Court office. I happened to be the clerk in the courtroom when a lady from our parish and her son were there to appear on a minor consumption of alcohol ticket. The judge asked the mother if there had been any consequences at home for her son’s actions, to which she replied, “We are going to go ahead and make him get Confirmed.” Yikes!
Kathy
Several years ago, I was working in the Court office. I happened to be the clerk in the courtroom when a lady from our parish and her son were there to appear on a minor consumption of alcohol ticket. The judge asked the mother if there had been any consequences at home for her son’s actions, to which she replied, “We are going to go ahead and make him get Confirmed.” Yikes!
Kathy
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Orogeny
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IrishAm
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You can’t force a teenager to do much of anything if they dig in their heels. You can, however, leverage.
Arguments I have used:
Trust me, if it’s just a piece of paper it’s one that will come in handy if you ever decide to get married in the church. (Yes, I know not being confimed is not an impediment to a valid marriage, but the kid didn’t.)
You can’t be your sister’s maid of honor!
You can’t be a Godmother to anyone!
And, my personal favorite, when the child in question despised the person leading the Confirmation program (with good cause, I might add) "Are you going to let some anal-retentive-ecclesiastical-dictator keep you from claiming what is rightfully YOURS?!
You can also insist they attend classes and masses as always. Confirmed or not.
Arguments I have used:
Trust me, if it’s just a piece of paper it’s one that will come in handy if you ever decide to get married in the church. (Yes, I know not being confimed is not an impediment to a valid marriage, but the kid didn’t.)
You can’t be your sister’s maid of honor!
You can’t be a Godmother to anyone!
And, my personal favorite, when the child in question despised the person leading the Confirmation program (with good cause, I might add) "Are you going to let some anal-retentive-ecclesiastical-dictator keep you from claiming what is rightfully YOURS?!
You can also insist they attend classes and masses as always. Confirmed or not.
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