Confused and praying for an end

[BrotherJ]

I do not know the meaning of the word happiness.

I am no saint, never have been, but I am walking a better path than I have in the past.

I was an altar boy, cradle catholic, but in High School I fell out of the habit of going to Church. Mom was a CCD teacher, Dad a 4th degree Knight. Both had an abundance of Religious education.

Almost 5 years ago I got my first marriage annulled (lack of canonical form). Married a women I knew back in Middle School (coincidently we were Confirmed together back in 78ish). She has always been strong in her faith, me on the other hand… Not so much). In almost 5 years of marriage we have had nothing but financial issues. She has had many problems finding/keeping a job. During this time my CD and DVD collection has dwindled to help with bills. my 40 year comic book collection is also gone and many of my collectibles also sold.

Many days I hear all about how cold my parish is, how people look at her and Talk about her. She is vertis certified and has tried to teach faith formation, but nothing works. Sometimes she will complain about the Bishop wanting a 40 million dollar cathedral complex while people are starving, or how the Catholic Schools are filled with non Catholics with money while catholic families can not afford the tuition. Our parish now has implemented using a confirmation text written by the Anglican Church (with some catholic modifications).

Last year the cathedral decided to push Adult Faith Formation (a great idea), but the free courses filled instantly and having the choice of food, gasoline or pay for a course the choice was clear.

I have dealt with depression for most of my life. A few years ago I spent 3 days in a crisis center after swallowing a 30 day supply of meds (I didn’t want to wake up). I still have that desire.

I feel like a nonentity. The company I work for has no respect for the people in their employ. My Wife has no respect for my opinions or feelings. After discussing a couple weeks ago that our 17 year old can not get his drivers license because of the cost of insurance she took him to the DMV and raised our bills by another 150 a month. Then tonight while messing around online I saw one of my final comic related items listed on Craig’s list. Something that is absolutely NOT for sale.

I don’t know what will disappear next, I don’t know how I can find more money. I am so tired of giving my all and getting the dregs in return. I don’t know why God has forsaken me. I just want end it all. I know that leads to damnation, but I feel I am already damned.

 

[tawny]

Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strength, fortitude & wisdom in your time of need.

 

[tweedlealice]

I do not know the meaning of the word happiness.

I am no saint, never have been, but I am walking a better path than I have in the past.

I was an altar boy, cradle catholic, but in High School I fell out of the habit of going to Church. Mom was a CCD teacher, Dad a 4th degree Knight. Both had an abundance of Religious education.

Almost 5 years ago I got my first marriage annulled (lack of canonical form). Married a women I knew back in Middle School (coincidently we were Confirmed together back in 78ish). She has always been strong in her faith, me on the other hand… Not so much). In almost 5 years of marriage we have had nothing but financial issues. She has had many problems finding/keeping a job. During this time my CD and DVD collection has dwindled to help with bills. my 40 year comic book collection is also gone and many of my collectibles also sold.

Many days I hear all about how cold my parish is, how people look at her and Talk about her. She is vertis certified and has tried to teach faith formation, but nothing works. Sometimes she will complain about the Bishop wanting a 40 million dollar cathedral complex while people are starving, or how the Catholic Schools are filled with non Catholics with money while catholic families can not afford the tuition. Our parish now has implemented using a confirmation text written by the Anglican Church (with some catholic modifications).

Last year the cathedral decided to push Adult Faith Formation (a great idea), but the free courses filled instantly and having the choice of food, gasoline or pay for a course the choice was clear.

I have dealt with depression for most of my life. A few years ago I spent 3 days in a crisis center after swallowing a 30 day supply of meds (I didn’t want to wake up). I still have that desire.

I feel like a nonentity. The company I work for has no respect for the people in their employ. My Wife has no respect for my opinions or feelings. After discussing a couple weeks ago that our 17 year old can not get his drivers license because of the cost of insurance she took him to the DMV and raised our bills by another 150 a month. Then tonight while messing around online I saw one of my final comic related items listed on Craig’s list. Something that is absolutely NOT for sale.

I don’t know what will disappear next, I don’t know how I can find more money. I am so tired of giving my all and getting the dregs in return. I don’t know why God has forsaken me. I just want end it all. I know that leads to damnation, but I feel I am already damned.

hi
God is with you. He who the Son sets free is free indeed" Jeremiah 29;11. I have a plan for you and it is for good and not for evil…" I can’t recall all of it.
See a doctor. Talk to your priest. See you tube for" Embrace the Pain" It is for combat PTSD but you can add trials in the place of combat. It may help you to meditate there.
In Christ’s love,
Alice
Check Home Depot and Lowes for a job.

P.S.
Check w the knights for financial assistance. You are a brother and they are your friends. “Seek and you shall find, Knock and the door shall open, Ask and it shall be given and the love will come trickling down.” You are standing alone and you don’t need to.
Talk to your Pastor. The church feels cold because you have not embraced them. Pride may be in your way. “Humble yourself in the sight of the Lord and He will Raise you up, Higher and higher” When you are weak, He is strong."
In Christ’s love,
Alice

 

[tweedlealice]

I do not know the meaning of the word happiness.

I am no saint, never have been, but I am walking a better path than I have in the past.

I was an altar boy, cradle catholic, but in High School I fell out of the habit of going to Church. Mom was a CCD teacher, Dad a 4th degree Knight. Both had an abundance of Religious education.

Almost 5 years ago I got my first marriage annulled (lack of canonical form). Married a women I knew back in Middle School (coincidently we were Confirmed together back in 78ish). She has always been strong in her faith, me on the other hand… Not so much). In almost 5 years of marriage we have had nothing but financial issues. She has had many problems finding/keeping a job. During this time my CD and DVD collection has dwindled to help with bills. my 40 year comic book collection is also gone and many of my collectibles also sold.

Many days I hear all about how cold my parish is, how people look at her and Talk about her. She is vertis certified and has tried to teach faith formation, but nothing works. Sometimes she will complain about the Bishop wanting a 40 million dollar cathedral complex while people are starving, or how the Catholic Schools are filled with non Catholics with money while catholic families can not afford the tuition. Our parish now has implemented using a confirmation text written by the Anglican Church (with some catholic modifications).

Last year the cathedral decided to push Adult Faith Formation (a great idea), but the free courses filled instantly and having the choice of food, gasoline or pay for a course the choice was clear.

I have dealt with depression for most of my life. A few years ago I spent 3 days in a crisis center after swallowing a 30 day supply of meds (I didn’t want to wake up). I still have that desire.

I feel like a nonentity. The company I work for has no respect for the people in their employ. My Wife has no respect for my opinions or feelings. After discussing a couple weeks ago that our 17 year old can not get his drivers license because of the cost of insurance she took him to the DMV and raised our bills by another 150 a month. Then tonight while messing around online I saw one of my final comic related items listed on Craig’s list. Something that is absolutely NOT for sale.

I don’t know what will disappear next, I don’t know how I can find more money. I am so tired of giving my all and getting the dregs in return. I don’t know why God has forsaken me. I just want end it all. I know that leads to damnation, but I feel I am already damned.

 

[Holy_Warrior]

Our Father, Who art in heaven
Hallowed be Thy Name;
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us;
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace.
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Glory be to the Father,
and to the Son,
and to the Holy Spirit:
As it was in the beginning,
is now,
and ever shall be,
world without end.
Amen.

 

[St_Francis]

I do not know the meaning of the word happiness.

I am no saint, never have been, but I am walking a better path than I have in the past.

I was an altar boy, cradle catholic, but in High School I fell out of the habit of going to Church. Mom was a CCD teacher, Dad a 4th degree Knight. Both had an abundance of Religious education.

Almost 5 years ago I got my first marriage annulled (lack of canonical form). Married a women I knew back in Middle School (coincidently we were Confirmed together back in 78ish). She has always been strong in her faith, me on the other hand… Not so much). In almost 5 years of marriage we have had nothing but financial issues. She has had many problems finding/keeping a job. During this time my CD and DVD collection has dwindled to help with bills. my 40 year comic book collection is also gone and many of my collectibles also sold.

The dwindling of your collections seems to (below) not be your choice. Did you make this decision?

Many days I hear all about how cold my parish is, how people look at her and Talk about her. She is vertis certified and has tried to teach faith formation, but nothing works. Sometimes she will complain about the Bishop wanting a 40 million dollar cathedral complex while people are starving, or how the Catholic Schools are filled with non Catholics with money while catholic families can not afford the tuition. Our parish now has implemented using a confirmation text written by the Anglican Church (with some catholic modifications).

Your wife has trouble keeping a job and “nothing works” even when she is volunteer-teaching CCD? And she complains continually about the church?

Last year the cathedral decided to push Adult Faith Formation (a great idea), but the free courses filled instantly and having the choice of food, gasoline or pay for a course the choice was clear.

Definitelt discouraging. Did you look into a list they keep for the next round of classes so that you would be able to attend?

I have dealt with depression for most of my life. A few years ago I spent 3 days in a crisis center after swallowing a 30 day supply of meds (I didn’t want to wake up). I still have that desire.

I feel like a nonentity. The company I work for has no respect for the people in their employ. My Wife has no respect for my opinions or feelings. After discussing a couple weeks ago that our 17 year old can not get his drivers license because of the cost of insurance she took him to the DMV and raised our bills by another 150 a month. Then tonight while messing around online I saw one of my final comic related items listed on Craig’s list. Something that is absolutely NOT for sale.

It seems that your wife is not respecting your financial situation and is making her own decisions somewhat recklessly.

I don’t know what will disappear next, I don’t know how I can find more money. I am so tired of giving my all and getting the dregs in return. I don’t know why God has forsaken me. I just want end it all. I know that leads to damnation, but I feel I am already damned.

It sounds like there is a lot going in several areas of your life and it is overwhelming. I would contact your priest or someone helpful for help.

I think if you can get everything sorted into various lists, it will be easier to see solutions, because with several problems there is a need for several solutions.

Finiancial: you need a list of your fixed expenses (mortgage, etc) and minimum expenses (food budget can often be reduced). Is your paycheck enough to cover those? If not, you need some financial solutions.

Marital: you and your wife seem to not be working together. From your post, it sounds like each of you could use some individual counseling as well as marital counseling from counselors who will help work to keep your marriage together. I would suggest discussing this with your helpful person and then your wife.

Work: Counseling may be able to help you cope with odd behavior at the workplace, and there may be changes you can make which would help, altho I know this is a tough market esp for older men.

 

[BrotherJ]

I believe my mind was spinning…

I have been welcomed with open arms by the K of C, but my wife is getting the cold shoulder.

The shrinking collections… Getting rid of some bulk is good. When there is no food, food is more important. However this has been a constant for over 4 years. Maybe I am selfish, but why am I doing more to provide for 2 stepchildren than their actual parents are doing?

My wife moved from WI to TN and nothing in TN is done correctly, from schools to police to church.

Contacting my priest. Is not like it used to be. In the old days you knocked on the rectory door and there is a Priest. In my area the Priests tend to avoid the Rectory, if you catch Father after Mass he says “call the church secretary to make an appt”. When you call they explain the priests keep their own appt books.

I remember more than once in high school knocking on the rectory door at 3am, sometimes drunk, sometimes just emotional. Talking with a Priest, who called to let the parents know I was safe while never busting me.
More to follow… Bedtime

 

[SwampLight]

Hey, BrotherJ,
It’s OK. Give it to God in prayer, weep if you need to, He understands. Meet these challenges on your knees, the Lord will comfort you. I am already praying for you. Please don’t abandon hope.

 

[HollyDolly]

I think maybe somehow you and your wife should go to a marriage counselor . You might check to see if your company has some sort of employee assistance program,or check with United Way .You might also check with our diocese and see what they have to offer.
As far as your job goes.Stick with it for now. But while still working there look on line maybe for other jobs in your field. What do you do for a living? Maybe join Linkin I think it’s called .You can post your resume there and a few other things. My brother in law got his job through there. You can also try Monster.com
Have you checked with the local school district for a job? If you are handy with tools and can do carpentry,etc. you might be able to get a job with the local school district. I work for one here in Texas. We have people who work as custodians, maintance men ,bus mechanics,warehouse workers,etc.
We get paid twice a month and get health care and money is paid into TRS so that when you retire you can get an income. Maybe if you can find another position that will help you feel a little bit better about some things.
Why your wife is having such a hard time finding or keeping a job I don’t know. And the same thing goes for her attempts to be more active in the parish. It might be people see her as pushy,or demanding,etc. You say she’s from Wisconsin and moved to TN.
The people there are not like where she was from and are different.
Sometimes if outsiders move to a place the locals might not let them participate or whatever because they think they are trying to run the show and boss people around.
I’m sure your wife would say I’m not like that at all,but that is how your neighbors precieve her.
Sorry you had to sell things to make ends meet. A lot of people are struggling like you and your family. I’ve done the same thing in the past with stuff,and it’s not fun.
Sorry I can’t give better advice,but if some of it helps a little I’m glad.Let us know how things are going.

 

[AnneTeresa]

I am sorry you are having such a hard time. You have a lot of problems and you sound depressed. It is hard to deal with your problems when you are very depressed. Are you able to see a doctor and maybe get some help with the depression first? I also agree with others that seeing a marriage counselor, or a priest if you can’t afford counseling, would be a good idea since there are marriage issues.

I will pray for you. May you find some comfort in your relationship with God. :hug3:

 

[LongingSoul]

BrotherJ, you have to make a concerted effort to start cultivating the quality of resilience in yourself. That is, not allowing setbacks and disappointments to define you.

I understand that depression has physiological aspects but I’ve had the privilege of witnessing a few people overcome the sense of hopelessness in depression by actively cultivating a new attitude of optimism regardless of all indications. One of them is my older son who seems highly susceptible to depression. He has developed strategies and plans based on all the advice, medical and psychological, that he has received over time. He is so susceptible that he is even aware of disturbance to his peace during the full moon!

Make some courageous steps to deal with the depression first because it colours your perspective on all the other aspects of your life… like your marriage, your financial future etc. Start with the local doctor and then deal with all your triggers like diet, lack of exercise, contemplation on the negative, faith life etc. alcohol is a depressant (if you happen to smoke weed, get it out of your life now!! It is a soul destroyer)

St Thomas Aquinas believed that the ultimate felicity of man (happiness) comes through contemplation of truth. My son isn’t fully on board with reading the daily Gospel, but I do and make a point of bringing the theme into our family conversations at every opportunity. It’s a good place to start though for the practice of contemplation of truth.

God Bless. I say a prayer for your faith.

 

[St_Francis]

I believe my mind was spinning…

I have been welcomed with open arms by the K of C, but my wife is getting the cold shoulder.

The shrinking collections… Getting rid of some bulk is good. When there is no food, food is more important. However this has been a constant for over 4 years. Maybe I am selfish, but why am I doing more to provide for 2 stepchildren than their actual parents are doing?

I would say this is most certainly a problem! Esp if now you are paying for the car insurance!

My wife moved from WI to TN and nothing in TN is done correctly, from schools to police to church.

Contacting my priest. Is not like it used to be. In the old days you knocked on the rectory door and there is a Priest. In my area the Priests tend to avoid the Rectory, if you catch Father after Mass he says “call the church secretary to make an appt”. When you call they explain the priests keep their own appt books.

I remember more than once in high school knocking on the rectory door at 3am, sometimes drunk, sometimes just emotional. Talking with a Priest, who called to let the parents know I was safe while never busting me.
More to follow… Bedtime

Yeah… priests certainly can be hard to get a hold of these days. But when one finds out what they are doing, it makes sense. There a so few priests, doing so much, that they can’t just leave one at the rectory to handle drop-ins anymore

That being said, however, most are very happy to make an appointment to try to help people out, even if the best they can do is to pont out helpful resources.

I hope you are able to find the help you need, which I think you will find better in real life than over an internet fourm, altho I think we all sympathize with what sounds like a very difficult situation. Call and make an appointment with your priest, or call Catholic Charities as they often have counselors.

 

[heidi_storage]

Please, please talk to a mental health professional ASAP. Your wish to die is alarming. Please believe that killing yourself would solve NOTHING, and leave such pain behind you. The National Suicide Hotline is 1 (800) 273-8255.

 

[tweedlealice]

I believe my mind was spinning…

I have been welcomed with open arms by the K of C, but my wife is getting the cold shoulder.

The shrinking collections… Getting rid of some bulk is good. When there is no food, food is more important. However this has been a constant for over 4 years. Maybe I am selfish, but why am I doing more to provide for 2 stepchildren than their actual parents are doing?

My wife moved from WI to TN and nothing in TN is done correctly, from schools to police to church.

Contacting my priest. Is not like it used to be. In the old days you knocked on the rectory door and there is a Priest. In my area the Priests tend to avoid the Rectory, if you catch Father after Mass he says “call the church secretary to make an appt”. When you call they explain the priests keep their own appt books.

I remember more than once in high school knocking on the rectory door at 3am, sometimes drunk, sometimes just emotional. Talking with a Priest, who called to let the parents know I was safe while never busting me.
More to follow… Bedtime

Can’t get quote to work=new member. I am accepted by KofC=yeah!! I am glad something positive is happening. They will help you with financial guidance. You are due child support depending on age of children. Take the ex to court.Kids need jobs-cut grass, sell papers, clean houses, mc donalds,etc. Wife is unhappy. Tenn.is wonderful. I lived there. Go see falls.when you get some money. There is a spirit of infirmity and discontentment. Play Contemporary Christian music in your house. Invite some couples over from KOC. It makes me clean my house.Female fellowship will help her. Call the last priest you were friends w even if in Wisconsin. You will get through this.
Isaiah 40’s “They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up w wings of an eagle. They shall run and not grow weary. They shall walk and not faint. Teach us Lord to wait.”

Read Ephesianse 6: Remind your wife you are head of the household she is to respect and desire you.(chuckle) That is in Genesis after they were sent out of Eden. You are to love her even to lay your life down for her as Christ laid down his life for the church. This is not suicide Brother J. You will do well w God’s grace.
In Christs’ love,
Alice

]

e

 

[tweedlealice]

I do not know the meaning of the word happiness.

I am no saint, never have been, but I am walking a better path than I have in the past.

I was an altar boy, cradle catholic, but in High School I fell out of the habit of going to Church. Mom was a CCD teacher, Dad a 4th degree Knight. Both had an abundance of Religious education.

Almost 5 years ago I got my first marriage annulled (lack of canonical form). Married a women I knew back in Middle School (coincidently we were Confirmed together back in 78ish). She has always been strong in her faith, me on the other hand… Not so much). In almost 5 years of marriage we have had nothing but financial issues. She has had many problems finding/keeping a job. During this time my CD and DVD collection has dwindled to help with bills. my 40 year comic book collection is also gone and many of my collectibles also sold.

Many days I hear all about how cold my parish is, how people look at her and Talk about her. She is vertis certified and has tried to teach faith formation, but nothing works. Sometimes she will complain about the Bishop wanting a 40 million dollar cathedral complex while people are starving, or how the Catholic Schools are filled with non Catholics with money while catholic families can not afford the tuition. Our parish now has implemented using a confirmation text written by the Anglican Church (with some catholic modifications).

Last year the cathedral decided to push Adult Faith Formation (a great idea), but the free courses filled instantly and having the choice of food, gasoline or pay for a course the choice was clear.

I have dealt with depression for most of my life. A few years ago I spent 3 days in a crisis center after swallowing a 30 day supply of meds (I didn’t want to wake up). I still have that desire.

I feel like a nonentity. The company I work for has no respect for the people in their employ. My Wife has no respect for my opinions or feelings. After discussing a couple weeks ago that our 17 year old can not get his drivers license because of the cost of insurance she took him to the DMV and raised our bills by another 150 a month. Then tonight while messing around online I saw one of my final comic related items listed on Craig’s list. Something that is absolutely NOT for sale.

I don’t know what will disappear next, I don’t know how I can find more money. I am so tired of giving my all and getting the dregs in return. I don’t know why God has forsaken me. I just want end it all. I know that leads to damnation, but I feel I am already damned.

Brother J,
Could you give us another updatel Message me if it is too personal for the whole group. I saw where the KoC welcomed you. I rejoice w you on this positive change in your life in one area. I posted a few things. I’m not sure but you may have given me a red thumbs down. Sorry there. You need a lot of support from your family. Your step son needs to pay for his own insurance. Anyway, feel the love of God around you and the wisdom of the Holy Spirit. May your family’s eyes open to your pain and struggling.
in Christs’ love, tweedlealice:hug3:

 

[BrotherJ]

Strange turn of events… I had 2 fairly certain job prospects… My Boss was up to her old head games, and since I knew I had my choice of the 2 jobs, I quit my job.

Both jobs fell thru. So at this point I am unemployed, BUT the tremendous stress I was under at my job is gone. My chest pains have faded (none since quitting) and my depression is under control.

I am still praying for an end, but it is an end to the stress not an end to life.

J