Confused on Marriage in the Church

[outfctrl]

I got married in the Catholic Church years ago. We got divorced by the civil Authorities about 11 years ago.

According to the Catholic Church, I am still married to her, because I never got an Annulment.

She got remarried by a Justice of the Peace two days after our divorce. I never did get married again.

Is it a sin to have relations with her? I havent, but was curious since in the eyes of the Church I am still married to her, it wouldnt be.

The Priest asked me in confession if there was a chance we could get back together. I chuckled.

 

[1ke]

Obviously your question is theoretical since she is long married to someone else and I presume you have little to no contact witi her.

I believe the appropriate response to your question is that it would be imprudent, inappropriate, and yes could be sinful.

Although you are technically “married” in the eyes of the Church you would not be exercising the unitive element of the sexual embrace *appropriately *unless you two actually reconciled-- meaning she left her current husband and you two began once again living as husband and wife.

Relations outside of the full union and committment of the spouses would possibly meet the letter of the Law; but it would, IMHO, be seeking only self-gratification. This does violate the sixth commandment.

 

[kage_ar]

Might be wise to go ahead and talk to your Priest about having the Tribunal take a look into the validity of your marriage…

 

[Hellisreal]

Did your ex wife’s husband die?

Are you in such good terms that you think you may be engaging in sex with her now?



You give no backround here.

Sorry about your divorce.

Even more concerned you would want to be with someone who did what you claim. But, not for me to judge. Love can be blind.

I dont think the Priest meant hopping in the sack when he asked about getting back together with her.

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

Did your ex wife’s husband die?

Are you in such good terms that you think you may be engaging in sex with her now?



You give no backround here.

Sorry about your divorce.

Even more concerned you would want to be with someone who did what you claim. But, not for me to judge. Love can be blind.

I dont think the Priest meant hopping in the sack when he asked about getting back together with her.

I agree that the OP has left a lot of questions unanswered. If you are looking for a point blank answer then yes “technically” since you are still married in the eyes of the church you could. However, that has become clouded due to the fact that she has remarried.

There is just too much not answered here to go any further.

I would look into an annulment if I were you.

 

[cargopilot]

It seems simple to me. Since they are still married, marital relations wouldn’t be sinful. It doesn’t matter if her current “husband” is dead or alive, divorced or still “married” to her.

If his priest asked the OP about their getting back together, I suspect he knows more of the story than we do.

 

[outfctrl]

You are right, love is blind. I have loved her since the day we met. She is still married to the other guy.
The only reason I brought it up was when I went to confession and asked if I have to go without sex until I was married again, he asked if there was any chance getting back with my ex.

I have never touched her since our break up. I know I asked a stupid question. I guess I cant fathom the thought of never being with another woman the rest of my life, considering before I came back to the church, I was one heck of a womanizer.

Women are my biggest crutch.

Forget this thread. I guess I was trying to justify a sin. Sorry all for wasting your time

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

You are right, love is blind. I have loved her since the day we met. She is still married to the other guy.
The only reason I brought it up was when I went to confession and asked if I have to go without sex until I was married again, he asked if there was any chance getting back with my ex.

I have never touched her since our break up. I know I asked a stupid question. I guess I cant fathom the thought of never being with another woman the rest of my life, considering before I came back to the church, I was one heck of a womanizer.

Women are my biggest crutch.

Forget this thread. I guess I was trying to justify a sin. Sorry all for wasting your time

Just to let you know that you are wasting no one’s time. We are all voluntarily here (except for the moderators of course).

Ask away.

 

[Hellisreal]

It seems simple to me. Since they are still married, marital relations wouldn’t be sinful. It doesn’t matter if her current “husband” is dead or alive, divorced or still “married” to her.
If his priest asked the OP about their getting back together, I suspect he knows more of the story than we do.

I take it you are only considering the sin or lack thereof on the mans plate to consider and not what it would be for this woman to engage in such a thing…

I am trying to find some backup for your blanket stamp of approval but not having much luck finding it.

Do you happen to have any citations or sources to help me out on this one?

 

[outfctrl]

After I thought about it. Isnt it a sin to break civil laws? Is Adultry considered wrong in the eyes of the court?

I cant quote Jesus on this, but I swear he said something to that effect.

 

[cargopilot]

I take it you are only considering the sin or lack thereof on the mans plate to consider and not what it would be for this woman to engage in such a thing…

I am trying to find some backup for your blanket stamp of approval but not having much luck finding it.

Do you happen to have any citations or sources to help me out on this one?

The OP asked if marital relations would be sinful under the described conditions. I maintain that neither he or his “ex” wife would commit any sin by engaging in the marital act, since they are still married, and will be for the rest of their lives, or until a declaration of nullity is determined. In my view, this stuff is Catholic 101.

Would it be prudent? Would it be a good idea? That wasn’t the question.

 

[cargopilot]

After I thought about it. Isnt it a sin to break civil laws? Is Adultry considered wrong in the eyes of the court?

I cant quote Jesus on this, but I swear he said something to that effect.

Nope. At one time, it was illegal to commit adultery, but not any more. In the civil realm, adultery is just as legal as abortion.

 

[outfctrl]

I really dont think we will ever get back together. It is futile hope on my part. The only time she ever calls me is when she is totally frustrated with her husband and is three sheets to the wind on vodka.

I hate it when she does that. My heart gets broken all over again.
She starts crying and says how much she misses me, then I dont hear from her in weeks. The only real time we talk is the coordination of the kids activities or visitation, but she never remembers her late nite, intoxicated conversations with me.

Maybe it is for the better. I dont get an annulment because, well, maybe I really dont want to let go. After 11 years, I am still not married. Sure, I have had my flings, but coming back to the Church, it is all over now. My life has totally changed and I feel very alone now. No more friends with benefits. If you know what I mean.

So, I hang on with this false hope. I guess I need to wake up and, as the saying goes, “smell the roses”. It is so hard keeping my faith in God and doing what is right.

I refuse to give in to my lust for women and say “So what, all I have to do is confess my sins and I will be forgiven”

To me, that is failing and failing is not an option. Still, I have a hard time realizing that I cant be intimate again.
Sorry for going off on a tangent. Just needed to vent a little.