confused

[lsr]

My husband and I have been married six years.In these six years I have stood beside him through three affairs two of the affairs were with the same person.When he is questioned on it he pleads the fifth.For the past 1 1/2 he quit his job and started his own little business traveling to and from Mexico and claims he makes no money.I ask him Why he keeps doing it he says he does not want to work in a factory for someonelse.In this 1 1/2 he hasn’t helped me with any expenses.He recently moved out because I couln’t take it any more I told him to leave.Now he quit driving back and forth to Mexico and went back to work in a factory.I think there is something that happened at the border patrol.Last year he was detained with a woman and child at the border but he claims nothing happened to him.I believe this may be one of the women he has had an affair with.To make a long story short my birth certicate came up missing at his moms house where he always said it was safe when I questioned him on it before.When we separated I ask him for him to bring it back and no one seems to know where it is.The woman was here until recently I think he took her back on his last trip.He insists it is not the woman he has the affair with. But to many things add up.I am so confused I love my husband very much and I would like for us to get back together. He says we can still stay married but live separately he refuses to move back in since I told him to leave.I never left when he told me to leave.He is Catholic I am not.I am a true believer in our marriage vows. I am totally confused of how he really feels about our relationship. He does not want to talk about anything to me. Could someone give me some advice as What to do?

 

[SuzieB]

You need to really concerned about identity theft. If your husband has taken you birth certificate, and nows you ssn. Your identity could be stolen very easily! You marriage can not heal and become a truly good marriage if your husband is not willing to talk about the problems he has created.

I am very sorry this is happening in you life and my prayer will be with you.

 

[momof8]

Isr,

I am also very sorry this is happening to you. In regard to the serious difficulties that could occur because of identity theft you should call the three credit reporting agencies ASAP and have a fraud warning put on your account. Then if anyone applies for credit, they have to call you specifically to see if it was you applying. That would let you know if they are using your information for financial purposes. If they are using it for criminal purposes… that would be worse.

I’d recommend Love Must Be Tough by Dr. Dobson to give you ideas on how to deal with the type of man your husband is while maintaining your dignity. There are others who will give you much more marital advice. You do need to take care of the identity issue right away. I hope you have a friend or family member who will support you in dealing with this. You have my prayers!!

 

[puzzleannie]

My husband and I have been married six years.In these six years I have stood beside him through three affairs two of the affairs were with the same person.?

why?
if you don’t already know what to do I doubt if we can help you. your first step is a good lawyer, today, your future, your financial stability, your credit, your status with the IRS and your children’s future is at stake. If it is ever proven that you knew about any of your husband’s activities and condoned them, or worse, profited from them, you yourself could be in jeopardy. get a lawyer today.

 

[Sierrah]

If he’s lying to you, cheating, too immature or keep a job and involved in illegal activities you might have grounds for an annulment. I would definately get a lawyer and find out what you can about his finances before taking any action. Like an earlier respondent said you need to think about the kids.

 

[chevalier]

Please contact the police right away and only then start dealing with lawyers and the rest. A good lawyer can help you but it takes time. The police can quickly start looking into matters concerning your identity and its safety.

Multiple affairs can be a sign of being unable to stay faithful to one person. There’s also the problem of immaturity. Or did he even intend to stay faithful or was it a fradulent scheme to get you as his anchor for criminal activities and whatnot. In your situation, I would definitely examine the validity of the marriage. But you want to consult a real canon lawyer, not a guy who’s done a course like mine.

I’ll pray for you.

 

[whatevergirl]

I am sorry for your pain. I think it’s always good to want to make our marriages work…but it just doesn’t sound like your husband is committed to you…or anyone, really. You cannot make a marriage work, independent of him. There’s no logic to that, either. And, I agree with the other posters…if he is now tampering with the law, and stealing your identity…ugh…I would truly consider leaving this man. It’s not wise to be in this situation. Divorce is not good, true. But, God also wants you to be safe…and sometimes, His enlightenment comes in serious forms. I will pray for you.

 

[rwoehmke]

Getting a lawyer pronto is a necessity. This man does not sound like a person who ever intended to keep his marriage vows. Grounds for an annulment if you were Catholic or ever wanted to remarry a Catholic.Were you married by a Catholic priest?

 

[whatevergirl]

Getting a lawyer pronto is a necessity. This man does not sound like a person who ever intended to keep his marriage vows. Grounds for an annulment if you were Catholic or ever wanted to remarry a Catholic.Were you married by a Catholic priest?

yes, this absolutely sounds like grounds for an annulment.

 

[lsr]

I also wanted to say that we do not have any children together that is a good thing.We were not married buy a Catholic Priest.We were not even married in the church, this was his decision not mine.About the police department I did contact them thier response was "There is nothing we can do"you will just have to apply for a new one.Talk about frustrating.I have said to him on several occasions “Did you marry me to get your residency”? He always said no and got upset by it.I have had a very hard time believing and trusting him.Why is so hard to let go? After all he has done I thought it would be easy.People have told me time will help. It has been a month since he left. I pray every night and ask God to help me move on.

 

[cecilia97]

I also wanted to say that we do not have any children together that is a good thing.We were not married buy a Catholic Priest.We were not even married in the church, this was his decision not mine.About the police department I did contact them thier response was "There is nothing we can do"you will just have to apply for a new one.Talk about frustrating.I have said to him on several occasions “Did you marry me to get your residency”? He always said no and got upset by it.I have had a very hard time believing and trusting him.Why is so hard to let go? After all he has done I thought it would be easy.People have told me time will help. It has been a month since he left. I pray every night and ask God to help me move on.

Isr,

I will be praying a rosary for you at my holy hour this morning.

I told my husband to leave the house last April…it took me at least 6 months to feel myself again. Don’t be hard on yourself that, after only one month, you still feel confused, torn, and sad. Call in your support system and family to help you if at all possible.

Call the police TODAY about your stolen certificate. At the very least call all three credit agencies…Experian, Transunion, and Equifax.

Thnk about a lawyer after the identity issue is being investigated.

You can love this man from a distance for now. Protecting yourself and your future does not mean you have to stop loving him today.

CORRECTION: call the district attorney’s office and ask them what to do since the police did not help. Tell them at least enough of the story with the woman at the border so they know why you’re suspicious. You’re a taxpayer in your county and the DA is an elected official…he is motivated to help you.

 

[Robaynne]

Nobody can tell you what to do but you can get advice from many different people but what you do with it is up to you.

Ask yourself this question WHY do you still want to be with this man after all he has done to you. Is it because you love him and you feel that you guys really stand a chance of making this marriage work or is it because you don’t want to be alone.

He has made it very clear that he wants to stay married to you but he does not want to live with you. That is not exceptable he is either in the marriage or out. He cannot have his cake and eat it that is not fair to you. You will be in bondage with this man forever. You need to decide is it worth staying in this marriage if he does not even want to go for counselling does not want to save the marriage. Then you need to let go no matter how hard it is sometime when you love something you have to set it free. Life does go on and in time you will get over this.

As for the missing birth certificate you need to sort that out. And don’t leave it sort it out now. I say this because here is South Africa where I live we have so many people from other surrounding countries coming to stay here. There have been so many incidents whereby people have lost their we call it a ID (Identity Document) it is a book with your photo and identity number in it. And later they have found out that they are married to somebody from Pakistan, Nigeria or even Zimbabwe. People steal this documents take out the photo and charge the people a certain amount of money to get these fraud identity documents. There was even a incidents whereby somebody went to buy a house, opened a clothing account at a retail store and bought clothes for a large amount of money, opened bank accounts in other people names. It is a scary thing and it takes Home Affairs (where we get our passports, birth certificates etc from) forever to sort it out in the mean time your name is black listed on the credit bureau and you are not able to buy a house, car or anything.

Stop worrying about him and start worrying about yourself. And don’t be afraid to get this sorted out because you think that this will cause a problem for you. This man has made it very clear that he does not care about you. Sorry to say it like that but sometimes we need to hear the truth.

Goodluck you will be in my prayers. Just hang in there and pray to God for guidance during this tough time.