Consecrated virginity and a grey area?

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elliedarc

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I feel a call to religious life. I’m not sure that being a nun is exactly right for me. I’ve read about consecrated virginity, and though I am interested in it, I’m unsure about my case. I lost my virginity to rape. After this trauma, and, I feel, deeply affected by the trauma, I later had a consensual sexual encounter. What do you think? Is this a case for an exception or is the call to it impossible?
 
elliedarc said:
I’ve read about consecrated virginity, and though I am interested in it, I’m unsure about my case. I lost my virginity to rape. After this trauma, and, I feel, deeply affected by the trauma, I later had a consensual sexual encounter. What do you think? Is this a case for an exception or is the call to it impossible?
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I’m no expert, but if I’m not mistaken, consecrated virginity requires that you have never willingly had a sexual encounter, so from what you described, you would probably not qualify. There’s a bit of a tiff going on about that right now, but the US Association of Consecrated Virgins is having none of it, and sticking with that guideline. I can’t speak for the others.

This wouldn’t preclude, however, a private vow of celibacy, should you feel called to that.
 
Of course, you would need to speak with your pastor or a vocations director in your diocese for definitive answers.

If you do feel called to the consecrated life, but not as a sister, you might consider membership in a secular institute. You would make lifetime vows, but would remain in your career, in your own home, and so on. Your life would include a focus on prayer and service within the small part of the world you inhabit.

I’m describing it horribly, sorry. There are a number of secular institutes in the United States – I have no idea the extent to which they exist in other countries.
 
Yes, as what someone said above, based from what you said you might not qualify. There are groups such as Opus Dei who have numeraries - they live in community and make professions of celibacy. you can also make a private vow of celibacy. I don’t how how that works, but you can consult with your spiritual director.
 
That’s the grey area, alright. Even after rape, the woman is still considered a virgin. Your consensual encounter – did the whole town know about it? According to what the Vatican just issued, if nobody knew about the consensual encounter, you might still be admitted to the Order of Virgins.

There are other options, though. I keep telling discerners to stop telling God what they’re going to do, and just work on their relationship with Him. Then HE will let you know what He wants of you. Ditch the lists – a community has to have xyz, etc. Religious life is GOD"S SERVICE, and one cannot give away what one does not know. The closer one walks with God, the more people sense His Presence about you, and the more people will respond to the humility that is the gift of knowing Him.

Just tell God, “I’m feeling all of this. Is this truly You, or am I being deceived?” Then find a spiritual director, and contact the diocesan vocations director. Discernment is a process, not an event.

Blessings,
Mrs Cloisters OP
Lay Dominican
http://cloisters.tripod.com/
http://cloisters.tripod.com/charity/
 
Thank you! I will continue to discern and get spiritual guidance.
 
Even if, for argument’s sake, you accept that a one night stand won’t preclude a person from joining the Order of Virgins, there is little point to doing so as it will not insert the non virgin “virgin” into the choirs of virgins in Heaven. There should be conguency.
 
The rape case would not deter you from religious life. For the consensual sex, you need to go to confession if you have not done that already and be honestly repentant. Then you could consider religious life. Religious communities will not ask you about your chastity or virginal state. be sure that you are being called. Confer with your priest-confessor or a spiritual director. Peace and prayers.
 
I think the OP was asking about virginity because she was interested in the vocation of consecrated virgin, and one needs to be a virgin (except in cases of rape) to be allowed to become a consecrated virgin.

She mentioned religious life first, but her main question seems to be about becoming a consecrated virgin.
 
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