"Considering the Options for Infertile Couples"; An Article by a Priest Expert on What Choices are Moral, Which Not

[mdgspencer]

thebostonpilot.com/opinion/article.asp?ID=179893

“When Catholic couples experience trouble getting pregnant, they often seek medical help and begin to research what options are available to them. A number of moral considerations and questions generally emerge…”

Father Tadeusz Pacholczyk, who wrote this article, serves as the Director of Education at The National Catholic Bioethics Center in Philadelphia,

 

[ConfusedLucy]

The one thing I would add is that I wish there was some alternative to attending mass at a family parish. I don’t really see it happening outside of major cities as people like us make up only a small minority of practicing Catholics and having the Eucharist brought to our homes is inappropriate with most of us being able bodied.

 

[MaryT777]

The one thing I would add is that I wish there was some alternative to attending mass at a family parish. I don’t really see it happening outside of major cities as people like us make up only a small minority of practicing Catholics and having the Eucharist brought to our homes is inappropriate with most of us being able bodied.

After my divorce I was sad in the parish seeing all the couples and families. I am not sure if you are struggling with infertility and feel the same way, I am just inferring that so ignore this if I am wrong.

I sat in front with my two daughters so we could concentrate more on thee Mass than seeing all the families around us.

After we adjusted to our situation we sat wherever my daughters wanted to.

Just a thought,

Mary.

 

[Norseman82]

Unfortunately, some of this is due to the bad advice given Catholics who seek marriage in the first place. Many are hampered by “shaming” practices where they are told they are making idols of marriage, they are second-guessed (are you REALLY SURE that is “God’s will” for your life), they have the false “single vocation” shoved down their throats, and the ever famous “in God’s time, not yours” (I even read of one priest saying that women should “throw away the clock”). Then what happens? When someone finally finds a spouse, there are fertility issues due to age.

And don’t think this only affects women. It affects men, too. Exhibit A is prostate health (I recently had a scare myself; fortunately, my biopsy was clean, for which I had a Mass intention of thanksgiving offered). If a man develops prostate cancer, the side effect of the treatment is often male infertility. When I spoke of this concern to the urologist, he started talking about one of the options that the priest in the article said the Church condemns.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Unfortunately, some of this is due to the bad advice given Catholics who seek marriage in the first place. Many are hampered by “shaming” practices where they are told they are making idols of marriage, they are second-guessed (are you REALLY SURE that is “God’s will” for your life), they have the false “single vocation” shoved down their throats, and the ever famous “in God’s time, not yours” (I even read of one priest saying that women should “throw away the clock”). Then what happens? When someone finally finds a spouse, there are fertility issues due to age.

And don’t think this only affects women. It affects men, too. Exhibit A is prostate health (I recently had a scare myself; fortunately, my biopsy was clean, for which I had a Mass intention of thanksgiving offered). If a man develops prostate cancer, the side effect of the treatment is often male infertility. When I spoke of this concern to the urologist, he started talking about one of the options that the priest in the article said the Church condemns.

In almost every post you come off as very angry and resentful that you’re not married, but you speak so callously of others and in such a materialistic and utilitarian way. Most people who want to marry do, and yes, sometimes it takes awhile.

If you aren’t married, have no prospects, and you’ve truly been trying all of the common and available avenues (yes, including online dating sites), then maybe you should consider why you aren’t married and if that why is something that can be overcome or not. Not everyone should marry, and that’s true from both a religious and secular point of view, regardless of what your personal want is.

 

[Norseman82]

In almost every post you come off as very angry and resentful that you’re not married, but you speak so callously of others and in such a materialistic and utilitarian way. Most people who want to marry do, and yes, sometimes it takes awhile.

If you aren’t married, have no prospects, and you’ve truly been trying all of the common and available avenues (yes, including online dating sites), then maybe you should consider why you aren’t married and if that why is something that can be overcome or not. Not everyone should marry, and that’s true from both a religious and secular point of view, regardless of what your personal want is.

Are you here under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit to learn, or are you here under the influence of Satan to attack the souls of the faithful by stalking them and needling them with mocking remarks?

This is a CATHOLIC board (or at least I THOUGHT it was) and I’m raising legitimate HEALTH concerns for Catholics (and other Christians) who do not waste their single years living a promiscuous lifestyle (hint, hint).

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Are you here under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit to learn, or are you here under the influence of Satan to attack the souls of the faithful by stalking them and needling them with mocking remarks?

This is a CATHOLIC board (or at least I THOUGHT it was) and I’m raising legitimate HEALTH concerns for Catholics (and other Christians) who do not waste their single years living a promiscuous lifestyle (hint, hint).

Every single post is about feeling shamed by the religious community for trying to find a spouse; but maybe if you’re being told the same thing over and over (making marriage into an “idol”), it might be worth considering. You’ve been making these posts for years, and you’re still angry and resentful. There are things you can try to either change your situation or ease your feelings surrounding it. I’m sorry if I hit a nerve.

 

[Norseman82]

Every single post is about feeling shamed by the religious community for trying to find a spouse; but maybe if you’re being told the same thing over and over (making marriage into an “idol”), it might be worth considering. You’ve been making these posts for years, and you’re still angry and resentful. There are things you can try to either change your situation or ease your feelings surrounding it. I’m sorry if I hit a nerve.

Again, I’m raising HEALTH concerns (if you would actually bother to read posts instead of looking for opportunities to advance Satan’s agenda by stalking me; tell me, if I post a BBQ grilling tip would you stalk me there too?).

St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle; be our safeguard against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him we humbly pray; and do thou, Prince of the heavenly host, by the power of God cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits, who wander through the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Again, I’m raising HEALTH concerns (if you would actually bother to read posts instead of looking for opportunities to advance Satan’s agenda by stalking me; tell me, if I post a BBQ grilling tip would you stalk me there too?).

St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle; be our safeguard against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him we humbly pray; and do thou, Prince of the heavenly host, by the power of God cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits, who wander through the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.

If an occasional response to you on a public but anonymous message board counts as “stalking” in your mind, I’m not sure you’re really ready for the internet.

 

[Norseman82]

If an occasional response to you on a public but anonymous message board counts as “stalking” in your mind, I’m not sure you’re really ready for the internet.

I don’t see anyone else singled out by you in your attempts to derail a legitimate discussion.

St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle; be our safeguard against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him we humbly pray; and do thou, Prince of the heavenly host, by the power of God cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits, who wander through the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I don’t see anyone else singled out by you in your attempts to derail a legitimate discussion.

St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle; be our safeguard against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him we humbly pray; and do thou, Prince of the heavenly host, by the power of God cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits, who wander through the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.

Feel free to hit ‘ignore’.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

I get the feelings of anger and confusion over these sorts of issues. I don’t think the church is intentionally trying to make people feel lesser for not being married or having children it’s just a side effect from how the life of a parish works with families being a basic unit and the emphasis of sacraments of initiation. It certainly isn’t fair to blame any individual for making an idol of marriage when the whole parish does it.

What’s helped me feel less frustrated has been to drastically lower my expectations and to really try and separate my need for the eucharist from my own feelings of being emotionally unfulfilled in church. I also try to do a lot of private prayer so I am not dependent on finding the right Catholic companions.

 

[tafan]

I get the feelings of anger and confusion over these sorts of issues. I don’t think the church is intentionally trying to make people feel lesser for not being married or having children it’s just a side effect from how the life of a parish works with families being a basic unit and the emphasis of sacraments of initiation. It certainly isn’t fair to blame any individual for making an idol of marriage when the whole parish does it.

What’s helped me feel less frustrated has been to drastically lower my expectations and to really try and separate my need for the eucharist from my own feelings of being emotionally unfulfilled in church. I also try to do a lot of private prayer so I am not dependent on finding the right Catholic companions.

With all due respect, and maybe I am missing something, but it seems like your post is not really related to the article referenced in the original post. Perhaps start a different thread? I think your comments are worth discussing, but just not for sure if this is the place.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

[SIGN][/SIGN]

Well no, I’m more following on from the discussion of the emotions that this raises. I kind of wish more Catholics would appreciate the double whammy of this burden, you grieve never having your own child with your spouse but also have to come to terms with the fact that your parish doesn’t really have a place for you.

If we are expected to think outside the box with our lives then why not churches? Why not consider having some adult only services for example?

 

[BlueEyedLady]

[SIGN][/SIGN]

Well no, I’m more following on from the discussion of the emotions that this raises. I kind of wish more Catholics would appreciate the double whammy of this burden, you grieve never having your own child with your spouse but also have to come to terms with the fact that your parish doesn’t really have a place for you.

If we are expected to think outside the box with our lives then why not churches? Why not consider having some adult only services for example?

I don’t think an adult only service would send the message that the Catholic Church or any part of Christendom wants to send. It would definitely read as “Children are a noisy niusance; enjoy a mass without the bother”. It also kind of flies in the face of a ‘universal’, all are welcome and called church.

I have a hard time understanding how there isn’t a place for unmarried or childless people in the church. Hubby and I have a ton of Catholic friends and relatives in all states of life, and the ones most active in their churches tend to be single or widowed.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

While I would prefer to attend a service where I can actually hear what’s being said I can understand that the all are welcome message is more important.

I’ve not been so lucky with Catholic friends, the women my age with children tend to stick together and don’t really attend parish activities other than tea and coffee. I suppose if you stay at the same church from childhood these people are also your old school friends and may make more of an effort to talk to you now and then. I honestly just feel invisible and there isn’t anything that naturally draws us together.

It’s always a challenge for any minority and I understand no parish can please everyone but focusing on the Eucharist helps. I have plenty of non-Catholic friends and family who I can serve. Back to the original post, it’s definitely better to focus on what you can do rather than dwell on what you aren’t allowed to do.