Continued, "when it is too much"

[nana3]

Hello all who know the situation with my sister and her ex and what sufferings the kids are going through.

My sister and her children continue to suffer at the hands of her ex and their dad. The ex is playing mind games and using the children to aggravate and anger my sister. My niece and nephew are so depressed that it worries me. They come to school after a weekend with dad, completely exhausted. Their father should not be allowed to have them, but is and it is affecting still the kids.

My sister had to take her ex to court again on March 6th for he had not paid child support for three months and she had given him plenty of chances. He also did not give a court order counselor to my sister for her children. This was ordered by the judge at the Nov. 7th hearing. He wrote her a nasty email that she doesn’t put the children first by going to court for “stupid reasons,” and forcing him to pay child support when he will “eventually get to it.” This man is sick!
The court was cancelled for he did go on that same day to the court house and pay all the child support and submitted the counselors names, three of them. Because he had to pay, he is angry again. He had the children since this past Thursday and was to return them to my sister’s house on Sunday, yesterday. He calls her at the last minute and asks her where she is and when is she going to pick up the children. He is suppose to do this according to the divorce papers, but he said, “you want them, you come and get them.” She went to get them and he knew she was coming and she asked him earlier to have them ready. She called three times when she was outside of his house and he did not pick up. She had to go up to the door which was dark and no light on inside or outside of the house. She rang a couple of times and he ignored the door bell. She rang one last time and he came out and it was 8 pm. He said they will be right out. She waited 15 minutes in her car with witnesses, when the kids finally came out. He did this once before also and waits until my sister gets there and then makes the kids clean their room. That is what they did when they heard the door bell. As soon as it rang, their father sent them to their rooms to clean it. My niece and nephew have told us that they are “slaves” at their dad’s. I believe in kids cleaning up their messes, but he knew my sister was on the way and he waited until she was at the door to start telling them to clean up. He does this to aggravate my sister.

For those that know what is going on, I ask for continued prayers. This situation is not better. My niece is going into her own world for this world has no one looking out for her, according to her. We can’t do a guardian ad litem until the court appoints it. My niece grades are dropping and she just doesn’t care about anything, even what she loves; horses. Please pray for a miracle to happen soon. I know the Lord permits things for his reasons that may come clear to us later, but these poor children are suffering and summer is soon coming. The dad will get them more than just a weekend but for two weeks at a time. My nieces lost 3 pounds the last week she was at her dads. They are responsible for making their own breakfast, and lunch. They are only 10 and 7. They mostly eat junk food is what my niece tells me.

Any prayers would be helpful and greatly appreciated. May God bless you.

 

[chevalier]

I will pray for your sister, the children, you, and that sick man who belongs in prison or psychward. Please make sure that your sister tells the court everything, without thinking that withholding this or that sombre detail will benefit the children (it won’t). It’s better for the children not to have contact with him anymore. Again, please make sure you can prove the loss of weight on the part of your niece, as well as the “slaves” thing. It’s a good thing that your sister has witnesses for how the man ignores doorbell and sends children to clean rooms when she comes. You’d better have witnesses for everything, as much evidence as possible and forget nothing (it might be a good idea to note things down). You may want to advise your sister not to enter into any arguments about why she did this or that, but simply remind the man of court orders and refuse to discuss the matter.

Perhaps pray to St. Thomas Aquinas, he was a lawyer. As was St. Yves/Ivo of Kermartin and St. Raymond of Penyafort. It looks like your sister’s lawyer will have a lot of work and if she has none, then well… it may be even harder.

 

[LSK]

You and your family are all in my prayers… I know that from all evil comes Great Good…let us pin our hopes on HIM so that these children will be delivered from evil…

 

[nana3]

I will pray for your sister, the children, you, and that sick man who belongs in prison or psychward. Please make sure that your sister tells the court everything, without thinking that withholding this or that sombre detail will benefit the children (it won’t). It’s better for the children not to have contact with him anymore. Again, please make sure you can prove the loss of weight on the part of your niece, as well as the “slaves” thing. It’s a good thing that your sister has witnesses for how the man ignores doorbell and sends children to clean rooms when she comes. You’d better have witnesses for everything, as much evidence as possible and forget nothing (it might be a good idea to note things down). You may want to advise your sister not to enter into any arguments about why she did this or that, but simply remind the man of court orders and refuse to discuss the matter.

Perhaps pray to St. Thomas Aquinas, he was a lawyer. As was St. Yves/Ivo of Kermartin and St. Raymond of Penyafort. It looks like your sister’s lawyer will have a lot of work and if she has none, then well… it may be even harder.

We do keep a very detailed log with all dealings with the dad and what the kids say and do. WE do this in hopes that a guardian ad litem will read it some day. In the past, my sister nor I, have been allowed to testify on what the kids tell us and what they do. It is all hearsay. That is why we needed a counselor and that is why the ex has not given three names to my sister. It took going to court to get him to give as he says, “the three stupid names.” He is very verbally abusive with my sister and I don’t want to think of all the damage he is doing with my niece and nephew. I can’t wait until they start to talk to a counselor, but again we will have the trouble of when it comes to testifying on the children’s behalf, the counselor will still need the dad’s consent. He did not give it before. All he tells the judge is that the counselors so far are all negative towards him. He even lies to himself and wrote in one email to my sister that the judge conducted an investigation and found him to be a good father. I don’t know where he gets this from, it never happened. The judge only listened to the case, but no investigation was done. The judge ruled in his favor, but he also knew that he had something to hide since he would not allow the counselor to testify. He only gave a slap on my sister’s hand compared to what he could have done. He refused him the children in the summer of 2006 for he had abused the children and she acted on her lawyers advice. It was bad advice, but who knew at the time. I think the judge knew she was protecting the kids and was not hard on her at all. This made the ex even angrier and had his lawyer insist that she goes to jail, but the judge refused for it was not in the best interest of the children.

Thank you all for your prayers. I know that something awful is happening to the kids. My sister just got off the phone with me and said her daughter is still very depressed today. She won’t talk. They have been afraid to talk since the Nov. 2006 hearing for it came out in that hearing that he placed my niece in his SUV in the trunk with no seat or seatbelt. My niece told me she and her brother got yelled at not to report anything that goes on in their house.

 

[WhatMeWorry]

How tragic!
Is it possible for Child Protective to get involved with this, as far as the father is concerned? Or would that cause a bigger problem for your sister?

It also sounds like the children need to be in counseling, if they aren’t already. Maybe if they can detect a pattern of abuse/neglect, they can help take action with the court.

 

[chevalier]

PMing you…

 

[gmarie21]

Do your niece and nephew have journals? Maybe if they journal their feelings and events at both homes they can give it to a judge or counselor one day. They must remember to add dates to each entry. Also, do the have cameras to take pictures when they are doing activities with each parent? The point is for them to not focus on just one parent (courts can see it as biased or that your sister is the one dragging them into the custody battle). Your sister and her whole family should makes sure they don’t say a single negative comment about the ex or the situation in front of the children. If she has, she needs to stop TODAY. The less negative and more cooperative the better she looks in court.

 

[nana3]

How tragic!
Is it possible for Child Protective to get involved with this, as far as the father is concerned? Or would that cause a bigger problem for your sister?

It also sounds like the children need to be in counseling, if they aren’t already. Maybe if they can detect a pattern of abuse/neglect, they can help take action with the court.

Child protective services has been called four times and have not see any use in taking the children from the father who gets them only every other weekend and two weeks off and on in the summer. As far as the emotional state of the children, they said the children can act this way due to the divorce and disregard what they are feeling. One report was for physical abuse and the dad left a mark and welt on my nephews buttom, but CPS said it was “potential child abuse.”

I forgot to mention in this thread that the dad and his new wife are both police officers. This is why CPS believes their lies. They believed them over the kids and call my sister a over protective mother.

The children were in counseling, but when one of the counselors was going to testify in court one day and didn’t have time for time ran out, the dad the next day had his attorney cease all counseling and he has not given permission since and we need it. My sister has shared co-parenting and he gets a say so in this. We went to court and the judge ordered counseling in November, but he put the responsibility on the dad and told him that he needed to give three names of counselors to my sister. He never did until court was scheduled for March 6, 2007 and he didn’t have the money to go so he paid the child support he owed, four months, and gave my sister three names. She has already made them each an appointment. The ex gave her names of ones that live closer to him and much farther for her, but she will take them not to delay it anymore. The only way the kid’s voices will be heard is by them talking to counselors who are not family. I really hope they say everything and can remember some of the bad stuff. I suspect sexual abuse on my niece, but my sister doesn’t share the same feelings. My niece and nephew are definately being abused verbally and emotionally.

 

[nana3]

I feel so sad today. My sister just got an email from her ex and it worries me even more so. Reading this email it is so full of lies, that can be proven to be lies from other earlier emails. He turned things all around to benefit him and it is just not NORMAL. If his wife wrote this letter, than she is sick and if he wrote it, he is very sick. These children, my niece and nephew, go to this household. My niece has been sick to her stomach since she was picked up on Sunday. She did not go to school this week as of yet. She is sick from worrying. On the one hand she is tried of mentioning her dad, but she brings him up. He wrote in this email that the kids want a mid week visit to be a sleep over. My sister asked each child separately and both of their response was “Oh no, please no mommy!” I feel so helpless and so does my sister. WE see her attorney on Monday the 19th and we will show her this email. I think a guardian ad litem needs to be appointed immediately. I am so worried for my niece and nephew.

 

[dulcissima]

I am so sorry for all that your sister, your niece, and your nephew are going through. It is so similar to what I am dealing with. I know how upsetting emails like that are, because I get them, with weird accusations that contradict prior email conversations. That is why it is so great to have communication be through email, because anyone in the court can objectively judge their honesty and possibly their mental health. My oldest son is facing the same problem with stomach aches and anxiety causing him to miss school. It is so terrible that a parent would use his own children as weapons against another parent. My lawyer tells me that there is little that can be done until the kids are old enough to have a say in where they want to stay. Fortunately, I think your niece and nephew may be approaching this in a few years.

Oh, and about changing the midweek visits to over-nighters. Her ex is doing this because it will mean paying less in support. However, it will mean even more problems for them with school. So, I would definitely do all I can to fight that.

I’m keeping them in my prayers. Your sister is lucky to have your support. Stay strong for her sake.

 

[nana3]

I am so sorry for all that your sister, your niece, and your nephew are going through. It is so similar to what I am dealing with. I know how upsetting emails like that are, because I get them, with weird accusations that contradict prior email conversations. That is why it is so great to have communication be through email, because anyone in the court can objectively judge their honesty and possibly their mental health. My oldest son is facing the same problem with stomach aches and anxiety causing him to miss school. It is so terrible that a parent would use his own children as weapons against another parent. My lawyer tells me that there is little that can be done until the kids are old enough to have a say in where they want to stay. Fortunately, I think your niece and nephew may be approaching this in a few years.

Oh, and about changing the midweek visits to over-nighters. Her ex is doing this because it will mean paying less in support. However, it will mean even more problems for them with school. So, I would definitely do all I can to fight that.

I’m keeping them in my prayers. Your sister is lucky to have your support. Stay strong for her sake.

I am sorry that you are going through the same thing. My niece and nephew have to continue going now until the age of 16 and not 12 like we thought. My niece is 10 and nephew is 7, so they have a long time still that they are forced to go. I do hope that a judge will read these emails and see the sick way that this man writes and how he is constantly contradicting himself and the lies. It is all sick. I just took my daughter to her horse lessons where my niece also goes and goes to 4 H and the instructor was commenting on how my niece is in the classes of 4 H. She told her dad was there one time. I asked how were they together and she said that it looks like from body language and verbally that my niece hates her dad. She said that my niece was very mean and rude to her father. My niece hates her dad and loves him at the same time.

How old is your son again? Can you get a guardian ad litem appointed, since there is physical symptoms that are affecting him? I just can’t believe how much of this kind of thing goes on for children. Someone really needs to be on the kids side and speak out for them. I know a father, one that really loves his children, should not force to the point of kicking and screaming a child to go with him. I think if a father goes slowly, the children will adjust better, unless they are mentally sick to begin with.

I will continue to pray for you and your oldest son also.

 

[nana3]

For all those still praying for my sister and her children, I want to thank you so much and believe that the prayers are working and bring heard. My sister met with her attorney and read some of his emails and what he does to my sister when she goes to pick up the children. She told my sister that he is burying himself by all the lies. She did give my sister some hope. She told her that it is very important to get the children into therapy soon. She told her to give the letter of the previous therapist stating that it is not in the children’s mental best interest to be with the father at this time. She told my sister that if this new counselor can do an evaluation fairly quick that the children may not need to go to the father’s at all this summer. So all of your prayers have helped and are helping my sister and her children. Thank you so much and please continue. Summer is just around the corner. In the meantime, my sister has called almost daily this counseling office and they have not called back to set up an appointment. Her lawyer said she will give it only until Thursday before asking for three other names. This is taking so long and is not going to give the new counselor time to evaluate before the end of May. Please pray that she can get the children in to see a counselor soon. We have a cousin who is a psychologist in this area and my sister read her the names of the three and she gave her the best one out of the three and said she was a very strong advocate in protecting children from abuse. Hopefully, we can get this person to evaluate both children and hopefully my niece will talk. If she doesn’t feel comfortable with a person, she clams up and stays that way.

In the meantime, the dad continues to write upseting emails to my sister and includes more and more lies. In his last one, he said that his daughter, Marissa, was so sad on Sunday night when he tucked them in for bed. He said she was sad for she wished she could stay longer. My sister and I knew was lie for my niece almost hates him. MY sister only discussed with Marissa the reason for her sadness. Her daughter said, “What are you talking about? What sadness?” She told her that her father said she was so sad when he tucked her in Sunday night. She told her mother, what she already knew, that her dad never has ever tucked them in bed. She also said that her dad and his new wife were on a date that night and were not even home. She told her the 15 yr. old put them to bed. This is the lying that we are talking about. The only thing I can think of is that he believes someone will read these emails and felt he had to make himself look good.

Please pray for this man as well. He is in so much mortal sins that lying also has become a habit for him. He has the children for Holy Week and Easter and so we know the kids will not get the true meaning of Easter, but we do telll them. He doesn’t even take them to Mass. I hope he will for Easter, but who knows.

 

[mariam1976]

will be praying for you…