Controlling Anger

[aj830]

I was wondering how we can control our anger in certain times. I will have just bursts of rage pop out of me mainly by someone egging me on about something. How do we control are anger and politley tell, someone like a family member, we no longer wish to discuss a certain subject with them with them. Whenever I tell them it turns into a argument and the person will say how rude I am even though they are on my back about something they have told me a thousand times.

 

[blessedstar]

I was wondering how we can control our anger in certain times. I will have just bursts of rage pop out of me mainly by someone egging me on about something. How do we control are anger and politley tell, someone like a family member, we no longer wish to discuss a certain subject with them with them. Whenever I tell them it turns into a argument and the person will say how rude I am even though they are on my back about something they have told me a thousand times.

I used to be given to fits of anger and it was one of the worst traits of my character. It felt like a red mist descending and like my blood would boil and then wham, I’d lose my temper. I found my anger very difficult to control and had been like this since a child and it was no fault of my parents. I can remember, as a child, breaking a statue of a deer that my late grandmother had given me and I loved this little statue especially because it reminded me of her, in a rage I banged it on my desk and broke it.

As a young adult I would throw cups, plates, TV/Video remote controls, phones etc. Once I had had my fit of rage I would feel instantly calm and regret my outburst. I was worst during my monthly cycle and could exercise a level of control outside of that but during the week of my cycle I was terrible.

I prayed for the grace not to lose my temper.

Once I had prayed for the grace and committed my will not to lose my temper my outbursts stopped but what happened then was an inward seething. I would rage internally. People had no idea of how angry I felt inside as nothing manifested of that inward rage, but still this inward raging caused my soul to be disturbed and affected my inner peace.

I asked Jesus for the grace not to rage inwardly.What I have also found helpful is to tell Jesus just how I feel and why I feel that way and this inward raging has now grown less and less and it has to be something very extreme now to provoke this inward rage. Mostly now I don’t get angry but feel annoyance which is a very different thing and confine this annoyance to Jesus and pray for the person who has annoyed me because I may well annoy them too! None of this happened over-night, it took time, repentance, prayer, practise and a will to embrace the grace of God because I didn’t do any of it, it was by His grace.

Anger not only steals others peace it also steals the angry persons peace. If you feel you are in a situation that causes you to be angry, walk away from it before you get angry, this also helped me.

It also helps to practise the Presence of God.

I still get provoked and tempted to anger, but I retreat into Jesus and hide in Him and resist provocation by His grace.

I am praying everyday for the grace for my thoughts to be pure and my patience to increase.

Pray not to be angry, I did and I was not left disappointed. Jesus is merciful.

 

[plato3]

Some good advice given, but don’t lose all your anger. Even Jesus got angry. It is OK to be angry over abortion, the lack of morals in our world Etc, and the many injustices that we see daily. There is good anger and bad anger .

 

[blessedstar]

Some good advice given, but don’t lose all your anger. Even Jesus got angry. It is OK to be angry over abortion, the lack of morals in our world Etc, and the many injustices that we see daily. There is good anger and bad anger .

Just anger doesn’t manifest like rage does. It is controlled, Jesus took the time to make a whip before He acted, it was controlled. It is a good lesson for us to step back and assess our anger and if it is truly just, then to act or speak in such a way that does not get lost and looks like rage.

I would say that all too often what people claim as just anger is really anger alone. So it is wise to therefore steer clear of anger and act without it purely seeking what is just. More often we need to act or speak up rather than get angry. God is patient and slow to anger; Jesus only once displayed anger…there is a great lesson in that.

 

[Jenlyn]

I heard on Abundant Life that using Jesus’ name is helpful. the devil can’t stand to hear it.

I read from St. Theresa that you should think of something good about the person immediately when you want to say something bad.

Pray to God to reveal your anger source. It is pride that gets you mad. Your pride may be hurt in many ways. It could be control, looking bad in front of people, not feeling important, etc.

 

[blessedstar]

I heard on Abundant Life that using Jesus’ name is helpful. the devil can’t stand to hear it.

I read from St. Theresa that you should think of something good about the person immediately when you want to say something bad.

Pray to God to reveal your anger source. It is pride that gets you mad. Your pride may be hurt in many ways. It could be control, looking bad in front of people, not feeling important, etc.

Yes, in alot of cases anger begins with I

 

[nana3]

I was wondering how we can control our anger in certain times. I will have just bursts of rage pop out of me mainly by someone egging me on about something. How do we control are anger and politley tell, someone like a family member, we no longer wish to discuss a certain subject with them with them. Whenever I tell them it turns into a argument and the person will say how rude I am even though they are on my back about something they have told me a thousand times.

I see from your public profile that you are 17 years old. Are the people who cause you anger, your parents or other family member? Is it them telling you something over and over again, on things that you have done nothing about to correct or change or etc.?

I have a husband who suffers from anger and rage. He sometimes tells me that I keep telling him over and over again the same thing and he told this to a priest. The priest, not me, asked him if he was actually listening and acting on what I was asking or saying. The priest asked him if what I said had any truth and that is why he got so angry. I tell you all this so that you can do something about it now before you get older, before you get involved in serious relationships and before marriage. Find out why you get so angry at what you family member is saying. Ask yourself honestly, what have you done to cause yourself to get so angry.

I remember one time a Baptist deacon told me that I did not know Jesus. I got very angry at him and angry at myself. I didn’t know why at first. It was because he spoke the truth and it hurt and I got angry. The next time he said this, it didn’t even bother me for I knew it was untrue and didn’t care what he thought. By that time, I did know Jesus. She what I am trying to say. If you get angry, is there any truth to what the person is saying about you or to you. I know that my husband still gets angry at things that I say that are true, I mean real anger that turns to rage. When I do say something that is not true, he laughs and I know he is not lying to me and what I just said is false.

Life is to short to be so angry. As a recipient of anger, please don’t kill with your tongue to others. It hurts more than you think.

How to control it? Self control and lots of prayer and dying to yourself.

 

[ladylinguist]

That’s definitely a hard emotion to control. I have a wicked quick temper, and it had more control over me in my teens than I’d like to admit. One of the hardest things for me was the fact that I didn’t always want to calm down when I was angry. My anger felt justified (most of the time it wasn’t) and it was hard to convince myself that it would be best to chill. Now when I start to lose my temper (and I’m getting much better a recongizing those little warning signs that tell me I’m about to go off), I either pray or start reciting Bible verses. Sometimes the verses are completely and utterly random, but it’s hard to maintain your anger when you’re concentrating on God’s Word. If nothing else, trying to remember verses will distract you from your anger. I think most people have different things that work for them. One tactic that helps me alot is having a good offense. If I think I’m in a situation or mood where I think I’m especially at risk for losing my temper, I’ll pray for God to strengthen my self-control, and to bless with me with a calm mind. A lot of times, stopping the anger before it even starts is hard, but it’s a lot easier than trying to calm down once you’re gone. If nothing else, and it’s possible, simply get up and leave the situation that’s causing you anger. Unfortunately, learning to control one’s temper is a skill that takes time, and practice, but it does get easier. Just constantly pray about it, and try to develop your own little tricks to distract you and calm you down.

 

[puzzleannie]

I . How do we control are anger and politley tell, someone like a family member, we no longer wish to discuss a certain subject with them with them. .

find the root of the anger, with professional help if necessary, and deal with it. the root is not in someone else’s actions, it is within.

 

[miguel]

I was wondering how we can control our anger in certain times. I will have just bursts of rage pop out of me mainly by someone egging me on about something. How do we control are anger and politley tell, someone like a family member, we no longer wish to discuss a certain subject with them with them. Whenever I tell them it turns into a argument and the person will say how rude I am even though they are on my back about something they have told me a thousand times.

I have a short temper myself. I’ve taken an anger management class. Here are a few insights I’ve picked up…

Anger is an emotion. We all have it. God built it into us. It’s there for a reason…to help us defend ourselves or others from external attack…whatever form that takes…criticism, aggression, violence, etc. It puts us into a heightened state of mental focus, or readiness, to deal with the attack. That is a good thing.

But there is a difference between anger and how anger is expressed.

Rage, fury, yelling are bad forms of expression. We may derive short term satisfaction from it because we quickly get the offender off our back. But if this is repeated often enough, it becomes a bad habit. We learn over time that it “works” for us (in the short term). But it really doesn’t work. It damages our relationships over the long term. People on the receiving end of yelling become wounded. And we become BLIND to that. We may apologize and we may tell ourselves that they “know” we don’t mean to hurt them. But how could they know? They ARE hurt.

I’ve found that it’s also a form of laziness. Quickly getting someone off our back by yelling is an easy way out. We don’t deal with the truth of their criticism for instance. And it doesn’t get resolved. And this is a form of pride. The seven deadly sins are connected in complex ways.

Prayer first, and an awareness of the dynamics of our own anger are helpful…and counseling also. We have to learn how to replace destructive forms of expression with constructive ones. This takes practice…replacing bad habits with good ones.

 

[nana3]

I have a short temper myself. I’ve taken an anger management class. Here are a few insights I’ve picked up…

Anger is an emotion. We all have it. God built it into us. It’s there for a reason…to help us defend ourselves or others from external attack…whatever form that takes…criticism, aggression, violence, etc. It puts us into a heightened state of mental focus, or readiness, to deal with the attack. That is a good thing.

But there is a difference between anger and how anger is expressed.

Rage, fury, yelling are bad forms of expression. We may derive short term satisfaction from it because we quickly get the offender off our back. But if this is repeated often enough, it becomes a bad habit. We learn over time that it “works” for us (in the short term). But it really doesn’t work. It damages our relationships over the long term. People on the receiving end of yelling become wounded. And we become BLIND to that. We may apologize and we may tell ourselves that they “know” we don’t mean to hurt them. But how could they know? They ARE hurt.

I’ve found that it’s also a form of laziness. Quickly getting someone off our back by yelling is an easy way out. We don’t deal with the truth of their criticism for instance. And it doesn’t get resolved. And this is a form of pride. The seven deadly sins are connected in complex ways.

Prayer first, and an awareness of the dynamics of our own anger are helpful…and counseling also. We have to learn how to replace destructive forms of expression with constructive ones. This takes practice…replacing bad habits with good ones.

Wow! My husband has been in anger management for more than a year and hasn’t learned any of what you stated here. When I ask him what he has learned or what they talked about, he usually tells me that he doesn’t remember. But I knew that it was not a good class for he still got very angry and would go into rage. I did attend the days the wives were asked to come and most of the men with anger didn’t seem to learn much for most of the cause of their anger, according to them, is their spouse and others. The man in charge of the group didn’t say much and just allowed the men to tell what got them angry that week. I didn’t find the group useful. It was at the Veteran Affairs Medical Center and so the group consisted of men. I don’t think they helped these men at all. Most of them justified there road rage and laughed at the way they responsed to “stupid drivers.” I can see why the VA has eliminated this program for the men going to them have been there for years. One man has been going to this management group for 5 years and I found him to be very angry and would get full of rage when one wife made a comment on anger and how it made her feel. That man is now going through a divorce.

It is good to know that there are some anger groups that do help. I think I might have to insist that my husband go to one for what you said about yelling at someone to get them off your back is true with him. He tells me that yelling at me is the only way I listen. I don’t listen and in fact I clam up and don’t bother to listen to any more screaming and don’t respond. But he yells the most when I correct his driving which he says is criticism. He yells at our daughter, to get her attention he says. He doesn’t get it yet that the yelling and anger kills us in his words and actions.

 

[miguel]

Wow! My husband has been in anger management for more than a year and hasn’t learned any of what you stated here. When I ask him what he has learned or what they talked about, he usually tells me that he doesn’t remember. But I knew that it was not a good class for he still got very angry and would go into rage. I did attend the days the wives were asked to come and most of the men with anger didn’t seem to learn much for most of the cause of their anger, according to them, is their spouse and others. The man in charge of the group didn’t say much and just allowed the men to tell what got them angry that week. I didn’t find the group useful. It was at the Veteran Affairs Medical Center and so the group consisted of men. I don’t think they helped these men at all. Most of them justified there road rage and laughed at the way they responsed to “stupid drivers.” I can see why the VA has eliminated this program for the men going to them have been there for years. One man has been going to this management group for 5 years and I found him to be very angry and would get full of rage when one wife made a comment on anger and how it made her feel. That man is now going through a divorce.

It is good to know that there are some anger groups that do help. I think I might have to insist that my husband go to one for what you said about yelling at someone to get them off your back is true with him. He tells me that yelling at me is the only way I listen. I don’t listen and in fact I clam up and don’t bother to listen to any more screaming and don’t respond. But he yells the most when I correct his driving which he says is criticism. He yells at our daughter, to get her attention he says. He doesn’t get it yet that the yelling and anger kills us in his words and actions.

There are also good books on it. “Make anger your ally” is one I found helpful. But classes and books are useless unless a person is motivated. Sometimes, a kick in the butt is necessary.

 

[littleone]

Hi aj830. What you are saying seems to be NOT the just anger Jesus went through, but there is an anger that some people seem to be tormented with.

There are those of us who have had situations that have happened in our past and that have never been resolved. For instance a person who has been badly treated called unfair names, sexually molest, beeten and so on. These actions are all against the persons wishes. The person might have been brought up by violent parents.

What has happened is that the victim has all these issues in their long term memory.
The process is such that the victim sees, hears or is a receiver of violence. All this information goes into their short term memory, (receiver), most of it travels to the mid memory or (processor) where the mind decides where the information will be stored. An amount of this goes into the long term memory.

It is here that in situations where, (usually latter in life), the victim finds themself in the same violent situations they have been part of in their past. Here their response starts to become reactionary, they start to react how they have seen others react. At first usually when the victim is young, the forced information takes little control but after time and the same information forced upon the victim oftain, the pressor becomes stressful. If there is no lessening of the repeated violent information being forced onto the mind of the victim, the stress becomes traumatic and this is where reaction takes place as the trauma becomes depression. Here the victim could lose control of their sences to a degree.

One must remember that it is NOT the victims fault. The information was forced onto them. A lot of people go for anger management where anger is the effect NOT the cause as you would have seen in the information Iv’e given you. When the cause which is the forcing of bad information in the past onto the victim has been taken away what happens. The answer is that there has to be a different reaction by the victim and the reaction becomes softer, hence, the healing starts to take place and the person becomes more responsive.

The answer…
Jesus has the answer and it is found in forgiveness. Forgiveness workes as Jesus said, because it takes the negative (forced issues), from the mind, nails it to the cross and it is then as far away as the east from the west. I know, I have had this done to me.
I know that these issues have happened, but what is positive is that in forgiving all concerned the power it had is taken away and is no more.

It workes. I have used it on my own family and self.
I have only given you the resipe but NOT how it workes I can do so if you wish.
I don’t think this is the place for other than what I have given. God bless you