Controlling Lust in College?

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Walterross

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Hi everyone. I’m having trouble with lust as of late. I’m pretty young, still, at 20 years old and am a male in college. I am still a virgin, which I am proud of, and want to stay that way until marriage. I do struggle with the sins of lust, masturbation and pornography, though. I think a lot of it has to do with the FOMO (fear of missing out) and the fact that I haven’t had any sexual experiences makes me feel like I’m the only one like this and that even my future wife will probably have had some sexual experience. On top of the natural craving for sex (sex drive) at my age, with the lustful and world-driven college campuses, I feel very alone and turn to these sins to pleasure myself from time to time. When I do fall, I do go to confession as soon as I can but it only lasts at most a month. I also had a failed relationship in which I think the girl I was talking to and dating wanted too much (intimately) too soon, and ended up in the bed of someone else. I’m not sure if they had sex and I don’t like to think about it, but I did get my heart broken because I thought she was the one: (catholic, beautiful, caring, same goals). I just feel so different and sometimes that leads me to feel depressed from time to time. Especially after I fall into the sins mentioned above. Obviously after the deed is done I don’t crave sex (for a while) and the shame makes me afraid to even have a wife and have sex. This could be the lie of the enemy but I do feel very helpless to this sin, especially in today’s world. It’s hard to keep your head up when everyone around you is doing what God says not to. Any thoughts or prayers are appreciated.
 
Is there a Newman Center or other Catholic group on your campus? If the Catholic center is any good, it should help with the loneliness you feel in living the Catholic life, which is countercultural on most college campuses.
 
Lonely and in college. Good luck. I know it can feel like it’s a hopeless quest but it is possible to overcome with the help of God’s Grace. If we could see the abomination that is Satan we would never sin again. Unfortunately, we have a tendency to believe his lies. Our culture is so sex driven and even a lot of young Catholics disagree with the Church’s teachings on human sexuality.
 
I think the club is highly inactive, at the moment anyways. I know this semester I have no time for club meetings and all with school and work, but to my understanding its not really active, unfortunately.
 
I know, it’s just hard because, first of all, we all want sex (in the right sense) but are pressured to have it too soon. It does seem like nobody ACTUALLY cares about God anymore, even though they seem as they do. It’s quite sad.
 
Maybe you should go about revitalizing it! For all you know, there are at least a few other Catholics feeling the same way you do on your campus. Why don’t you bring them all together? You could schedule some sort of low-commitment weekly event. I understand the feeling of not having enough time in college (I’m a recent graduate), but there are certain things you just need to do for your sanity. And it sounds like finding (or forming) a Catholic community might be one of them.
 
Perhaps you are right. I will consider doing this, as it may actually be pretty beneficial. I don’t have much time at all now, but maybe next semester I can figure something out!
 
check out some nofap videos and channels one guy that really inspired me is Gabriel bocanegra dude has hundreds of videos dealing with nofap and pmo addiction. You need constant motivation and study learn how porn effects the brain and importance of semen preservation.
 
I’m in (about) the same position as you. I’ve been subject to temptations, but haven’t given into them since a week before Lent began (so, almost a month now, which is a huge accomplishment for me). There’s three things I can recommend, and it’s necessary to do them all (and simultaneously).
  1. Receive the Sacraments of Healing Frequently. Go to confession as frequently as you need to, and receive the Eucharist as frequently as you are fit to. They’re both fountains of grace, which is what you need if you’re going to beat this.
  2. Practice Penance. For Lent, I gave up something that (due to suffering from the sin of sloth) took up about a third of my day (most of my free time). As a result, I’ve had to find other ways to fill my time, which brings me into my third point.
  3. Enhance your Spiritual Life. Maybe read from Scripture every day (which is what I did for awhile). Or, if you have a Formed membership, that’s been an enormous help to me, and I couldn’t recommend it enough. Whatever you do, make sure it’s meant to bring you closer to God- and certainly don’t forget to pray.
 
It may help for you to know that your feelings are perfectly natural for someone your age. Stop beating yourself up.
 
Praying for your intention…

You must put to death, then, the earthly desires at work in you, such as sexual immorality, indecency, lust, evil passions, and greed (for greed is a form of idolatry).
Colossians 3:5
 
The real FOMO is a person whose lived a sinful life and thought back on all of the opportunities where they could have loved and did not, and to know that yesterday is gone forever.
 
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In addition to the suggestions offered regarding creating a Catholic group or center if there is not a functional one on your campus, as well as prayer, I suggest two readings: one, the famous poem by Rudyard Kipling titled “If” (you may already have read it but read it again), and the other, some of the writings of Mother Teresa, which provide inspiration to walk the walk despite what others may do. In life, you do not have to follow the pack, especially when the pack has little direction.
 
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How busy do you keep yourself? I myself do not know how American college is, but I’ve heard sometimes you have classes in the morning and you’re free the rest of the day. There is that saying “An idle mind is the devils playground” and I think it’s so true. If you want to go on the internet or read, go to a cafe or a park, somewhere in public. When you’re alone in your room, try praying the rosary, and keep Christian related talks or music on the background (harder to look at porn when that’s playing)
When I’m mindlessly browsing the internet and doing nothing useful, I find my mind isn’t so pure either. Women have problems with this too (have you ever read an average romance novel?!)
Don’t feel like your missing out. There’s nothing appealing about uncommited (aka pre-marital) sex. It’s all empty and meaningless. I guess there’s physical pleasure and a lot of lust, but everything else lacks. It is nothing compared to having sex with someone you have vowed to be with until death… you’re not missing out at all. This is what I tell myself. If you read Song of Soloman, that is how God designed it to be.
I’ll pray for you!!
 
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