Controlling the Tongue

[Carlton1993]

I seem to have a problem with controlling my tongue…i always criticise people, reveal secrets i have been asked to keep, make fun of people, embarass people, and generally don’t speak charitably about others. I go to Confession every week, and I pray about this every morning, but I still commit the same sins against charity day after day. I used to also have problems with Lust and Self Abuse, but thanks to God, i have over come it…has anybody got any suggestions or amxims that will help me over come this problem? Thank You All,

Carlton1993

 

[Bruised_Reed]

There are two aspects to this: one is your tongue and the other is your thoughts.

First, I suggest you talk with your confessor about this. Not just confessing but ask for help with this.

Consider who you keep company with; if they are critical of others, etc. it will be harder for you to change this behavior. They will only make it harder. I’m not suggesting you have to drop them all together but if they don’t support you in your efforts they are not worth having.

Also, instead of just stopping the bad/sinful behavior, adopt some new habits. For example:

• instead of criticising, compliment others.
• Instead of telling secrets, be worthy of the trust others give you or you will lose it, eventually. Work this like a muscle, the more you hold your tongue the easier it will get.
• instead of making fun or speaking uncharitably, try to imagine why people are the way they are; what in their life led them to where they are now and realize “there, but for the grace of God, go I”
  Ask your guardian angel to help keep you on your toes.

 

[JimR-OCDS]

I seem to have a problem with controlling my tongue…i always criticise people, reveal secrets i have been asked to keep, make fun of people, embarass people, and generally don’t speak charitably about others. I go to Confession every week, and I pray about this every morning, but I still commit the same sins against charity day after day. I used to also have problems with Lust and Self Abuse, but thanks to God, i have over come it…has anybody got any suggestions or amxims that will help me over come this problem? Thank You All,

Carlton1993

Look at others with compassion, and see their faults as their poverty.

Also remember, that we don’t know what faults of our own, that other people have to put up.

Treat others as you would have others treat you, in your own levels of poverty.

Jim

 

[PhilotheaZ]

A few good Scripture passages to meditate when you fall or are tempted:

James 3: (My spiritual director made me read this one as a penance when I confessed sins of the tongue.)
2 … If anyone does not fall short in speech, he is a perfect man, able to bridle his whole body also.
3 If we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we also guide their whole bodies.
4 It is the same with ships: even though they are so large and driven by fierce winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot’s inclination wishes.
5 In the same way the tongue is a small member and yet has great pretensions. Consider how small a fire can set a huge forest ablaze.
6 The tongue is also a fire. It exists among our members as a world of malice, defiling the whole body and setting the entire course of our lives on fire, itself set on fire by Gehenna.
7 For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by the human species,
8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
9 With it we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings who are made in the likeness of God.
10 From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. This need not be so, my brothers.
11 Does a spring gush forth from the same opening both pure and brackish water?
12 Can a fig tree, my brothers, produce olives, or a grapevine figs? Neither can salt water yield fresh.
Ephesians 4:
29 No foul language should come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for needed edification, that it may impart grace to those who hear.
30 And do not grieve the holy Spirit of God, with which you were sealed for the day of redemption.
31 All bitterness, fury, anger, shouting, and reviling must be removed from you, along with all malice.
32 (And) be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ.

Philippians 4:8:
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

 

[Pani_Rose]

Prayer of St. Ephraim the Syrian
Lord and Master of my life, deliver me from the spirit of laziness, meddling, ambition and gossip.
Give me, Your servant, the spirit of prudence, humility, patience and love.
Lord and King, grant that I may see my sins and faults and not judge my brother, for You are blessed forever and ever. Amen.

During Great and Holy Lent in the Eastern Church, this prayer is done with prostrations after each part of the prayer.

 

[puzzleannie]

reading and praying with the epistle of James where he discusses these sins–some of the most common and least confessed, I bet–would be helpful, and was once assigned to me as a penance.

 

[Carthusianish]

Lord and King, grant that I may see my sins and faults and not judge my brother, for You are blessed forever and ever. Amen.

I basically need this tattooed on my arm or something – very useful.

 

[hillariouslov]

I seem to have a problem with controlling my tongue…i always criticise people, reveal secrets i have been asked to keep, make fun of people, embarass people, and generally don’t speak charitably about others. I go to Confession every week, and I pray about this every morning, but I still commit the same sins against charity day after day. I used to also have problems with Lust and Self Abuse, but thanks to God, i have over come it…has anybody got any suggestions or amxims that will help me over come this problem? Thank You All,

Carlton1993

The lord created all thing by the words of mouth and the living word tells us that all he created was good,the tougue has been originally defined by other contributors and i really appreciate them, the point is using what God has given to you with good thoughts in your mind and with good motives,for that is what makes you a follower of Christ.
The only thing you can do to help urself is living by the word God which is alive and active.Pls take the contributions very serious and see the work of God through humans happen in your life.

FOR GOD AND FOR YOUTH; THROUGH CHRIST.

 

[BarbaraTherese]

I seem to have a problem with controlling my tongue…i always criticise people, reveal secrets i have been asked to keep, make fun of people, embarass people, and generally don’t speak charitably about others. I go to Confession every week, and I pray about this every morning, but I still commit the same sins against charity day after day. I used to also have problems with Lust and Self Abuse, but thanks to God, i have over come it…has anybody got any suggestions or amxims that will help me over come this problem? Thank You All,

Carlton1993

Dear Carlton…I truly admire your honesty and candor. Just as you had to battle and pray over lust and self abuse…so you need to battle and pray over lack of charity - in fact I do too:thumbsup: and probably we all do. Just as you were victorious through Grace, given time, with the lust and self abuse…so persistence in prayer and effort will bring a better and more loving attitude towards others. Saints, it has been said, are sinners who wont give up. Dont give up - fight the good fight…it goes on until death. The Sacrament of Reconciliation (Confession) is a great source of Grace to overcome…you could mention your frustrated efforts to Father and listen carefully to any advice he should offer.
We have dealt with at least I should think 80% of our problem by being able to clearly and accurately identify what that problem is. Usually we do the things we do and think the things we think because we are getting some “payback” from our behaviour/thoughts…can you identify, hence, why you behave as you do?..and usually thought precedes actions.
Some really good suggestions have been put forward in this thread.

Blessings to you and to yours and Peace…Barb

 

[saint_damo]

one of my favourite maxims is never miss an opportunity to keep your mouth shut.
i dont know who said it but i found it in a readers digest once and when i practice the principle of minding my own business my life runs a whole lot better, when i dont it doesnt. I wish you well:thumbsup:

 

[RenaissanceMare]

Just want to give you a in support, Carlton. I’m also trying to learn how to tame my tongue. I have Tourette’s Syndome, so sometimes profanity and inappropriate comments do happen, but I have almost completely stopped swearing. Now I’m working on how I say things and keeping my mouth shut instead of blurting out…though it’s almost completely non-curse words…whatever comes to mind in the heat of the moment. Doing alot of prayer about this, but I’m confident that if I can clean my mouth up, I can do this too. I can do all things through Christ, who strengths me.

 

[water]

There are two aspects to this: one is your tongue and the other is your thoughts.

First, I suggest you talk with your confessor about this. Not just confessing but ask for help with this.

Consider who you keep company with; if they are critical of others, etc. it will be harder for you to change this behavior. They will only make it harder. I’m not suggesting you have to drop them all together but if they don’t support you in your efforts they are not worth having.

Also, instead of just stopping the bad/sinful behavior, adopt some new habits. For example:

• instead of criticising, compliment others.
• Instead of telling secrets, be worthy of the trust others give you or you will lose it, eventually. Work this like a muscle, the more you hold your tongue the easier it will get.
• instead of making fun or speaking uncharitably, try to imagine why people are the way they are; what in their life led them to where they are now and realize “there, but for the grace of God, go I”
  Ask your guardian angel to help keep you on your toes.

I truly like your advices and will try to practice them.

 

[BarbaraTherese]

one of my favourite maxims is never miss an opportunity to keep your mouth shut.
i dont know who said it but i found it in a readers digest once and when i practice the principle of minding my own business my life runs a whole lot better, when i dont it doesnt. I wish you well:thumbsup:

I really like this maxim…as long I think it does not become a hard a fast rule for every single occasion, as it could become a vehicle for ‘opting out’ and not being involved. Again its a question of balance and insight - the gifts of The Holy Spirit. A rule is never an end in itself, rather the rule points to something that transcends the rule - ie.: the purpose for the existence of the rule. Be all that asit may, the maxim is, I thought, one worth keeping in mind always. Thanks for sharing it, Water. The maxim reminded me of this from the Imitation of Christ:

THE IMITATION OF CHRIST

• by Thomas a Kempis -

The Voice of Christ

MY CHILD, do not be curious. Do not trouble yourself with idle
cares. What matters this or that to you? Follow Me. What is it to you if a man is such and such, if another does or says this or that? Youwill not have to answer for others, but you will have to give anaccount of yourself. Why, then, do you meddle in their affairs?

-------- Bk. 3, Chapter 24

Quoting Renaissance Mare:

Just want to give you a in support, Carlton. I’m also trying to learn how to tame my tongue. I have Tourette’s Syndome, so sometimes profanity and inappropriate comments do happen, but I have almost completely stopped swearing. Now I’m working on how I say things and keeping my mouth shut instead of blurting out…though it’s almost completely non-curse words…whatever comes to mind in the heat of the moment. Doing alot of prayer about this, but I’m confident that if I can clean my mouth up, I can do this too. I can do all things through Christ, who strengths me.

The Lord has certainly burdened you with a heavy cross in Tourette’s Syndrome, Renaissance Mare, and at the same time has gifted you with courage and perseverance and a rich Faith.
You are an inspiration and encouragement!

Blessings and Peace to you and also to Water…Barb