Convalidation or....?

[schlecterhunde]

I was baptised Catholic as a baby, and taken to both Lutheran and Catholic services until age five, at which point paternal figure went ‘evangelical Baptist’ and took me away from the church. He said my baptism didn’t count, and had me rebaptised to ‘wash it away.’ He said I wasn’t Catholic anymore. So…I was never confirmed.

For a lot of reasons (long story) I have not attended churches of any kind in many years. During that time, I married. Was told by Catholic side of family I couldn’t marry in the Church because I was not confirmed, so I never inquired. Husband is Atheist so he wasn’t interested anyway. So I married outside the Church thinking I was not permitted. Have recently discovered this isn’t quite true. Also to my relief discovered the ‘Catholic baptism doesn’t count’ wasn’t true either.

NOW I am starting to attend Mass again, and will soon be taking RCIA classes to complete my catechesis and be confirmed. I vaguely remember things I was taught as a child but reading US Catholic Catechism for Adults on my own is bringing back a lot of it. Reading it is bringing back the times my grandma and I spent where she explained these things to me.

What I want to know is, what becomes of my marriage? Will the Church just automatically recognize it as valid since I was not confirmed? Or will I need to either marry in the Church again or obtain a radical sanation? Husband is fine with me going to church but I have a hard time picturing him agreeing to a 2nd marriage in front of a priest. I would like to be confirmed but this is an obstacle.

 

[Phemie]

The fact that you weren’t confirmed doesn’t really come into play. In order for your marriage to be recognized as valid you would have had to formally notify your bishop of your defection from the Faith. Without that action you were bound by the rules of the Catholic Church.

If your husband truly won’t repeat the exchange of consent in front of a priest you can petition for a radical sanation. It’s a form of convalidation that is used when one of the spouses really doesn’t want to repeat the vows. It heals the marriage ‘at the root’ so that your original marriage is recognized.

 

[Phemie]

The fact that you weren’t confirmed doesn’t really come into play. In order for your marriage to be recognized as valid you would have had to formally notify your bishop of your defection from the Faith. Without that action you were bound by the rules of the Catholic Church.

Your best option is to pay your parish priest a visit and explain what you just explained to us. He’ll guide you in what you have to do next. If your husband truly won’t repeat the exchange of consent in front of a priest, you can petition for a radical sanation. It’s a form of convalidation that is used when one of the spouses really doesn’t want to repeat the vows. It heals the marriage ‘at the root’ so that your original marriage is recognized.

 

[schlecterhunde]

Thank you, Phemie!

I will ask my husband, and if he refuses I’ll try the petition. Just wish I would have KNOWN at the time, but oh well.

 

[pianistclare]

This will all be covered during the course of RCIA.
Let your Director know all the details, and they will sort it out for you, explaining the process and options.
Hope your RCIA experience is wonderful! Welcome home.

 

[MarianCatholic]

I was baptised Catholic as a baby, and taken to both Lutheran and Catholic services until age five, at which point paternal figure went ‘evangelical Baptist’ and took me away from the church. He said my baptism didn’t count, and had me rebaptised to ‘wash it away.’ He said I wasn’t Catholic anymore. So…I was never confirmed.

For a lot of reasons (long story) I have not attended churches of any kind in many years. During that time, I married. Was told by Catholic side of family I couldn’t marry in the Church because I was not confirmed, so I never inquired. Husband is Atheist so he wasn’t interested anyway. So I married outside the Church thinking I was not permitted. Have recently discovered this isn’t quite true. Also to my relief discovered the ‘Catholic baptism doesn’t count’ wasn’t true either.

NOW I am starting to attend Mass again, and will soon be taking RCIA classes to complete my catechesis and be confirmed. I vaguely remember things I was taught as a child but reading US Catholic Catechism for Adults on my own is bringing back a lot of it. Reading it is bringing back the times my grandma and I spent where she explained these things to me.

What I want to know is, what becomes of my marriage? Will the Church just automatically recognize it as valid since I was not confirmed? Or will I need to either marry in the Church again or obtain a radical sanation? Husband is fine with me going to church but I have a hard time picturing him agreeing to a 2nd marriage in front of a priest. I would like to be confirmed but this is an obstacle.

I think others have answered your question better than Im able to.
Just rest assured that you and other Catholics marrying atheists are in my prayers as it has to be very difficult to live together for your entire life without sharing faith.

Hail Mary, Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee,
Blessed art thou amongst women and
Blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for us sinners, now
And at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Saint Mary pray for us!