Convalidation Questions

[AClaire11]

Hi all,

My husband and I were married in a civil ceremony about a month ago. We (well, mostly I) came back to the church so recently that it would have been impossible to switch to having a church wedding. Anyway, we’re now going through the process of getting our marriage convalidated. Because we literally just got legally married, I don’t feel comfortable having a huge ceremony and a reception. Not to mention, I work from home writing a book and my husband is still waiting to start his new job, so we can’t afford anything substantial. It’s possible my MIL or aunt might step in and offer to host something, but I don’t want to count on that or assume it will happen.

So, with all that said, who can I invite? I’m hoping both sets of parents can come, and my aunt and uncle and cousin (plus family) that live in the area. I especially hope my cousin can come because she was not able to make the wedding because of a surgery. Is it okay to reach out to Catholic friends that aren’t from the area and tell them they should feel free to come if they happen to be nearby?

Also, does it matter if the dress I wear is mainly black? I don’t want to wear my wedding dress because it would feel awkward and it’s off-the-shoulder. I’d prefer to wear something more modest but most of my dresses are black or part black.

Oh and does anyone have any experience with how long it takes FOCCUS to get back to you? I received a confirmation email from them but it’s been 12 days and I haven’t gotten my login info yet.

Thank you!

 

[Peggy_in_Burien]

Hi all,

My husband and I were married in a civil ceremony about a month ago. We (well, mostly I) came back to the church so recently that it would have been impossible to switch to having a church wedding. Anyway, we’re now going through the process of getting our marriage convalidated. Because we literally just got legally married, I don’t feel comfortable having a huge ceremony and a reception. Not to mention, I work from home writing a book and my husband is still waiting to start his new job, so we can’t afford anything substantial. It’s possible my MIL or aunt might step in and offer to host something, but I don’t want to count on that or assume it will happen.

So, with all that said, who can I invite? I’m hoping both sets of parents can come, and my aunt and uncle and cousin (plus family) that live in the area. I especially hope my cousin can come because she was not able to make the wedding because of a surgery. Is it okay to reach out to Catholic friends that aren’t from the area and tell them they should feel free to come if they happen to be nearby?

Also, does it matter if the dress I wear is mainly black? I don’t want to wear my wedding dress because it would feel awkward and it’s off-the-shoulder. I’d prefer to wear something more modest but most of my dresses are black or part black.

Oh and does anyone have any experience with how long it takes FOCCUS to get back to you? I received a confirmation email from them but it’s been 12 days and I haven’t gotten my login info yet.

Thank you!

My marriage was convalidated, too, after a civil marriage ceremony. We wanted it to be low-key, because we had been married for 7 years at that point.

You should invite whomever you want. If you want lots of friends and a party afterwards, that is entirely up to you. If you want it quiet, like we did, well, it is up to you to decide.

As far as your dress, I say modesty trumps colors. I just wore my nice Sunday dress, it was deep purple in color, but looked nice on me. Black seems to be a fashion color these days, and as long as you don’t think it seems like a mourning dress to you, I don’t see why it should matter. The Church has nothing to say about it.

In fact, before white wedding gowns became all the fashion, many women wore their dark, Sunday dresses to be married in. My grandmother, who was born and married in Spain in 1923, work her navy blue Sunday dress. She said that only the very rich girls in the big cities were starting to wear white dresses for weddings. The ordinary girls wore what they would be wearing in their married lives.

God bless you and your marriage!

 

[SerraSemper]

If you’d like a low key wedding, you could talk to your pastor about picking a daily Mass and showing up in a nice black dress. They might just change the schedule slightly if it’s an AM Mass to adjust for people going to work. Just tell the people you love in advance and you can have a nice quiet wedding.

 

[AClaire11]

Thank you so much for the replies! The advice was very helpful.

Another question: Does it matter what color my mantilla is for the ceremony? The one I wear to church is black. I’m actually the only person I’ve seen that doesn’t wear a white one at my parish (including married women and young girls).

 

[Peggy_in_Burien]

Thank you so much for the replies! The advice was very helpful.

Another question: Does it matter what color my mantilla is for the ceremony? The one I wear to church is black. I’m actually the only person I’ve seen that doesn’t wear a white one at my parish (including married women and young girls).

I switch out my mantilla color by the season and what I’m wearing. In the winter I wear a black coat, so I wear a black mantilla. In the summer, I wear white, because my clothes are lighter. Some day I will be bolder, and wear a blue one!

Again, in the US anyway, it doesn’t really matter which color you wear. I suppose that for a wedding you might like to wear one that is not black, because you don’t want to look like a widow!

 

[AClaire11]

I switch out my mantilla color by the season and what I’m wearing. In the winter I wear a black coat, so I wear a black mantilla. In the summer, I wear white, because my clothes are lighter. Some day I will be bolder, and wear a blue one!

Again, in the US anyway, it doesn’t really matter which color you wear. I suppose that for a wedding you might like to wear one that is not black, because you don’t want to look like a widow!

Thanks! I went on etsy and just ordered 2 infinite veils, one in copper and one in ivory. Can’t wait for them to get here!

We’re in the process of having the records and affidavits sent in, and our Conference for the Engaged session will be on March 1st. So hopefully we only have to wait 1.5 months until we’re truly married!

 

[Abundant]

My marriage was also convalidated after a civil ceremony. Strangely, the American couples had to pay $600 to get convalidated (just like a regular wedding) which was not possible for us at the time. So, we joined a group of Spanish speakers and did a group convalidation. I wore an off the shoulder, just below the knees pretty “Sunday” dress and was completely shocked when I showed up and all 6 of the other women were in FULL BRIDAL GOWNS!! So, to save yourself the embarrassment and ask your priest first what other people wear.

It took us a week or so to get the compatibility test back, and then we had to have a one on one meeting with a counselor who asked questions about areas that we agreed and disagreed on. Then we met with the priest a few times to go over the details. It was time consuming, but worth it. Now that we have the sacrament, I feel that we are a stronger couple and have God at the center of our relationship more than ever. Good luck!

 

[AClaire11]

My marriage was also convalidated after a civil ceremony. Strangely, the American couples had to pay $600 to get convalidated (just like a regular wedding) which was not possible for us at the time. So, we joined a group of Spanish speakers and did a group convalidation. I wore an off the shoulder, just below the knees pretty “Sunday” dress and was completely shocked when I showed up and all 6 of the other women were in FULL BRIDAL GOWNS!! So, to save yourself the embarrassment and ask your priest first what other people wear.

It took us a week or so to get the compatibility test back, and then we had to have a one on one meeting with a counselor who asked questions about areas that we agreed and disagreed on. Then we met with the priest a few times to go over the details. It was time consuming, but worth it. Now that we have the sacrament, I feel that we are a stronger couple and have God at the center of our relationship more than ever. Good luck!

Wow, haha, that must have been awkward! I’ll make sure to double-check with the priest.

We FINALLY got the foccus email and took the test.

Thanks so much! It will definitely be great to finally have everything set to rights.