Convalidation stopped, now what?

[David_Fortin]

last night my Baptist wife of 11 years, and I finished the last of the paperwork for the convalidation of our marriage. When the Father had me read the declaration of my faith, and vow to raise children in a Catholic household, my wife went cold. Her only statement was "I here what you’re saying.

She told me again this morning that “our son will not be a Catholic”! I will not ask her to violate her conscience, or beliefs, any further. So that effectively ends the possibility of convalidation.

Now what? how can I square this? I cannot receive holy communion, because I’m in an irregular relationship. So, am I not allowed to live my faith, fully?

 

[FrDavid96]

Yes, as a Catholic you must vow to do everything possible to raise your children in the Catholic faith.

Under current law (the old law was more strict, but that does not apply today) the non-Catholic party merely needs to be made aware of the responsibility of the Catholic spouse.

A question that you must ask yourself is whether or not you will be speaking truthfully about your intention to raise children Catholic. If you do not intend to raise them Catholic*, can you say that you will? That’s not a question to be answered here, but in discussion with your own pastor.

Please understand that the Church expects you to do everything possible to raise them Catholic. On the one hand, such a promise must be sincere; on the other hand, the Church does not place impossible burdens upon us. It isn’t a promise that such a thing actually will happen (no one can predict the future), but that one will do everything in his power to make it happen. And again, it must be sincere.

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• Please note that that was a question, not a statement. I do NOT presume to know your intentions. Also, I wrote “if you do not”; I did not say that it actually applies to you.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

Yes, someone married to an anti-Catholic person may acquiesce in the other parent raising the child in an non-Catholic religion, if necessary. You can still demonstrate the example of Catholic faith to the child. If the other parent refuses to participate in a marriage convalidation, you can ask for a radical sanation.

 

[Casilda]

last night my Baptist wife of 11 years, and I finished the last of the paperwork for the convalidation of our marriage. When the Father had me read the declaration of my faith, and vow to raise children in a Catholic household, my wife went cold. Her only statement was "I here what you’re saying.

She told me again this morning that “our son will not be a Catholic”! I will not ask her to violate her conscience, or beliefs, any further. So that effectively ends the possibility of convalidation.

Now what? how can I square this? I cannot receive holy communion, because I’m in an irregular relationship. So, am I not allowed to live my faith, fully?

Welcome to the club. I was given wrong information by a Roman Catholic deacon that almost destroyed our 30+ year marriage. The kicker was, my husband DID WANT to be Catholic. It was finally sorted out by an Eastern Catholic priest who must have had ties to a canon lawyer or the Eastern code is not full of legal gobbledigook. If your spouse wants nothing to do with the church, you can still have a valid marriage AND be fully Catholic. Read this:

vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/_P46.HTM
vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/_P47.HTM

Exactly. Who can get through this legal verbage. You need a canon lawyer. I am so sorry you are going through this, I pray it is over soon. Please find a good knowledgeable priest. I would hate to see another family hurt.

 

[David_Fortin]

I’ve about given up on having our marriage con-validated. My wife has almost completely run out of patience with me, and the Church.

Part of our problem stems from my Parrish priest that stubbornly refuses to communicate. It seems impossible to take the next step, when the “Father” refuses to tell you what that is! We were told to pick a date for the ceremony that’s at least a month away. We selected July 29. I called the priest, he said he’d look, and never called me back!

I’m to the point now of calling the Bishop directly, or looking for another Parrish.

 

[1ke]

I’ve about given up on having our marriage con-validated. My wife has almost completely run out of patience with me, and the Church.

Part of our problem stems from my Parrish priest that stubbornly refuses to communicate. It seems impossible to take the next step, when the “Father” refuses to tell you what that is! We were told to pick a date for the ceremony that’s at least a month away. We selected July 29. I called the priest, he said he’d look, and never called me back!

I’m to the point now of calling the Bishop directly, or looking for another Parrish.

I’m so sorry that happened to you. Yes, do contact the judicial vicar of your diocese for assistance.

 

[Solomonson]

I want to underscore the importance of finding the right priest to guide you through this, or an annulment, etc.

It’s not always going to be one’s pastor! But it might well be a pastor across town who has the experience, willingness and outright ability to get things done.

 

[Ignacy]

I’ve about given up on having our marriage con-validated. My wife has almost completely run out of patience with me, and the Church.

Part of our problem stems from my Parrish priest that stubbornly refuses to communicate. It seems impossible to take the next step, when the “Father” refuses to tell you what that is! We were told to pick a date for the ceremony that’s at least a month away. We selected July 29. I called the priest, he said he’d look, and never called me back!

I’m to the point now of calling the Bishop directly, or looking for another Parrish.

I think what you want is a radical sanation.

 

[David_Fortin]

I think what you want is a radical sanation.

I called the priest today and requested a radical sanation today, on his voicemail, I don’t expect to hear from him anytime soon.

 

[Ignacy]

I would refer you to Solomonson’s post. Why would he make it so difficult to allow you to partake in the sacraments?

My wife and I just went through the radical sanation process. She thought it was ridiculous to not have 27 years of our marriage “not count” and she doesn’t want to become Catholic. The priest met with us together, to determine what process, then me individually to fill out the paper work. It was done in a matter of weeks. Now I go to mass everyday and receive the Eucharist.

 

[Phemie]

I want to underscore the importance of finding the right priest to guide you through this, or an annulment, etc.

It’s not always going to be one’s pastor! But it might well be a pastor across town who has the experience, willingness and outright ability to get things done.

Careful here. There are canonical requirements that must be met for a valid marriage and one of those is that it be your bishop or pastor or someone delegated by them. So you can’t simply jump to another parish.

Can. 1108 §1. Only those marriages are valid which are contracted before the local ordinary, pastor, or a priest or deacon delegated by either of them, who assist,

 

[David_Fortin]

Well, yesterday I got the call from the Father, and our wedding is tentatively scheduled for July 29. We have to meet with him again to finalize the ceremony, it will be basic in the extreme. Thanks for your prayers and suggestions

 

[Gorgias]

Well, yesterday I got the call from the Father, and our wedding is tentatively scheduled for July 29. We have to meet with him again to finalize the ceremony, it will be basic in the extreme.

That’s great to hear! Congratulations!
David Fortin:

Part of our problem stems from my Parrish priest that stubbornly refuses to communicate.

Sometimes, what appears to be a “stubborn refusal to communicate” is more like a “overworked and swamped priest who is trying to juggle a ton of responsibilities, on his own, all at once.”

Glad it’s working out for you…!

 

[pianistclare]

That’s great to hear! Congratulations!

Sometimes, what appears to be a “stubborn refusal to communicate” is more like a “overworked and swamped priest who is trying to juggle a ton of responsibilities, on his own, all at once.”

Glad it’s working out for you…!

This! Congrats. Often these things take place int he Pastor’s office.
It’s what it DOES not the trimmings that make it important.
God bless you.

 

[Whalljim]

She told me again this morning that “our son will not be a Catholic”! I will not ask her to violate her conscience, or beliefs, any further. So that effectively ends the possibility of convalidation.

Now what? how can I square this? I cannot receive holy communion, because I’m in an irregular relationship. So, am I not allowed to live my faith, fully?

Good Gravy that would be hard for me to hear.

I’m glad everything worked out for you. Please live out your faith for you kid.

 

[Casilda]

Careful here. There are canonical requirements that must be met for a valid marriage and one of those is that it be your bishop or pastor or someone delegated by them. So you can’t simply jump to another parish.

You are in Canada. The conditions here, down under, are busy priests responsible for the spiritual nuture of 2500-6500 families per parish. It’s literally impossible to get any irregularity straightened out. That is why people are told to head to a smaller parish or one with more than one, overworked, priest.

 

[Gorgias]

Phemie:

Careful here. There are canonical requirements that must be met for a valid marriage and one of those is that it be your bishop or pastor or someone delegated by them. So you can’t simply jump to another parish.

You are in Canada. The conditions here, down under, are busy priests responsible for the spiritual nuture of 2500-6500 families per parish. It’s literally impossible to get any irregularity straightened out. That is why people are told to head to a smaller parish or one with more than one, overworked, priest.

No, Phemie’s correct. The same canon laws in effect in Canada are in effect in the USA. Even if you “head to a smaller parish” – which would seem counterproductive anyway, since there’d likely be only one, even more overworked, priest there! – that priest would still be required to get permission from the couple’s pastor in order to convalidate (i.e., marry) them.

 

[mkoopman]

Well, yesterday I got the call from the Father, and our wedding is tentatively scheduled for July 29. We have to meet with him again to finalize the ceremony, it will be basic in the extreme. Thanks for your prayers and suggestions

Yes, congratulations and remember you are blessed that your spouse is willing to support you in full reversion. Pray St. Joseph to know what it means to be head for I can guarantee that a Sacramental Marriage will present new gifts. I am not suggesting that you do not sacrifice now for your family. The veil of the tabernacle was torn when the Lamb was offered. A veil will be withdrawn from within the most intimate image of God which each marriage represents in relationship with the author of life. Find new joy in the water turned to wine.
God Bless.