Conversion-divorce-remarriage twice over annulment question

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Anne72

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I am currently in RCIA on the road to converting. Here’s my big question: My husband and I were married in the Episcopal church in 1992. We went through a really bad patch in 2006 and due to adultery (on both parts, sadly) divorced. I, in a time period of severe stress, stupidity, and coercion, remarried the man I was seeing within a month of my initial divorce who immediately cheated, stole money from me, abused me, and got his ‘girlfriend on the side’ pregnant within two months of marrying me. In the process of me kicking him out he took liberties and I became pregnant with my 4 year old son (who I adore) I made him leave and our divorce was finalized one year and 20 days to the day after we married.We lived together maybe three months, total.
My FIRST husband and I reconciled and remarried thirty days later. We have been together since and have come through even stronger. He loves my son as his own and was there from the day I told him I was pregnant. (we have four other children as well).
In order to convert will I have to get an annulment from my second husband? I was told by the church ed. director that because my second marriage was invalid I most likely will not. My second marriage to my FIRST husband was never annulled therefore still spiritually valid, correct? As silly as it sounds, I have always felt that my first husband and I never divorced-like our marriage was still ‘there’.
I know I just sort of emotionally vomited all over everyone, but I ask that no one please attack me for what I did. I am still having a hard time forgiving myself for what I did. I know I should-because if God has forgiven me, I need to forgive me. I just hate that I hurt my husband and children (who are doing very well, now) so very badly. Be kind to me, please!
 
The best answer you will receive is from your parish priest. He will be able to give you the most complete answer for your particular set of circumstances. Please, make an appointment with him. He will be able to tell you what is the proper thing to do for your case.

Welcome home!
 
Anne72 said:
I am currently in RCIA on the road to converting. Here’s my big question: My husband and I were married in the Episcopal church in 1992. We went through a really bad patch in 2006 and due to adultery (on both parts, sadly) divorced. I, in a time period of severe stress, stupidity, and coercion, remarried the man I was seeing within a month of my initial divorce who immediately cheated, stole money from me, abused me, and got his ‘girlfriend on the side’ pregnant within two months of marrying me. In the process of me kicking him out he took liberties and I became pregnant with my 4 year old son (who I adore) I made him leave and our divorce was finalized one year and 20 days to the day after we married.We lived together maybe three months, total.
My FIRST husband and I reconciled and remarried thirty days later. We have been together since and have come through even stronger. He loves my son as his own and was there from the day I told him I was pregnant. (we have four other children as well).
In order to convert will I have to get an annulment from my second husband? I was told by the church ed. director that because my second marriage was invalid I most likely will not. My second marriage to my FIRST husband was never annulled therefore still spiritually valid, correct? As silly as it sounds, I have always felt that my first husband and I never divorced-like our marriage was still ‘there’.
I know I just sort of emotionally vomited all over everyone, but I ask that no one please attack me for what I did. I am still having a hard time forgiving myself for what I did. I know I should-because if God has forgiven me, I need to forgive me. I just hate that I hurt my husband and children (who are doing very well, now) so very badly. Be kind to me, please!
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I am so glad that you are on the right path now! And the one that will lead you HOME…

But you do need to talk to your priest. The religious education director is not the authority when it comes to something as critical as whether or not your current marriage is valid/invalid. Give the priest ALL the information and let him tell you what you need to do next. God bless you and your family.
 
As others said, talk to your priest, though from what is said it sounds as though the Church Ed Director was likely correct. But again, talk to your priest.

And welcome home. Glad things are shaping up, even if they were rough for a while.
 
Anne72 said:
I am currently in RCIA on the road to converting. Here’s my big question: My husband and I were married in the Episcopal church in 1992. We went through a really bad patch in 2006 and due to adultery (on both parts, sadly) divorced. I, in a time period of severe stress, stupidity, and coercion, remarried the man I was seeing within a month of my initial divorce who immediately cheated, stole money from me, abused me, and got his ‘girlfriend on the side’ pregnant within two months of marrying me. In the process of me kicking him out he took liberties and I became pregnant with my 4 year old son (who I adore) I made him leave and our divorce was finalized one year and 20 days to the day after we married.We lived together maybe three months, total.
My FIRST husband and I reconciled and remarried thirty days later. We have been together since and have come through even stronger. He loves my son as his own and was there from the day I told him I was pregnant. (we have four other children as well).
In order to convert will I have to get an annulment from my second husband? I was told by the church ed. director that because my second marriage was invalid I most likely will not. My second marriage to my FIRST husband was never annulled therefore still spiritually valid, correct? As silly as it sounds, I have always felt that my first husband and I never divorced-like our marriage was still ‘there’.
I know I just sort of emotionally vomited all over everyone, but I ask that no one please attack me for what I did. I am still having a hard time forgiving myself for what I did. I know I should-because if God has forgiven me, I need to forgive me. I just hate that I hurt my husband and children (who are doing very well, now) so very badly. Be kind to me, please!
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I could say for sure that at he Catholic Church’s eyes, none of your marriages is a Catholic Marriage.

But my opinion is valued nil. approach your Parish Priest and put the problem for he is the only one and your Bishop to decide.
 
Pfaffenhoffen said:
I could say for sure that at he Catholic Church’s eyes, none of your marriages is a Catholic Marriage.
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The OP is not a Catholic.

And from a canonical and theological standpoint there is no such thing as a “Catholic marriage”. The Church looks at whether or not a marriage is VALID.

And, non-Catholics marry each other validly when they marry civilly if there are no impediments such as a prior bond. Whether or not it is a “Catholic marriage” is completely irrelevant. The OP and her husband are not Catholics.

In the OP’s case, she does need to talk to her priest but if there were no impediments she and her husband married validly when they married the first time.
 
Honestly, you are married to your first husband. Canonically, no one has challenged the validity of your first marriage, so it stands.

You may want to renew your vows, but there, just based on the information you have given, is not an impediment to entry into the church that I can see.
 
You are all wonderful-It took a lot of courage for me to post this issue, so I appreciate the kindness with which you have all responded.
I am going to make an appt. to speak with the Priest…it will most likely be after Easter, but I feel better knowing that I won’t necessarily be coming into the Church with a huge problem right out of the gate! (even though I wouldn’t let it stop me, I can be stubborn! haha!)
I will certainly update everyone when I know for certain! Thanks again!
 
Anne72 said:
I am currently in RCIA on the road to converting. Here’s my big question: My husband and I were married in the Episcopal church in 1992. We went through a really bad patch in 2006 and due to adultery (on both parts, sadly) divorced. I, in a time period of severe stress, stupidity, and coercion, remarried the man I was seeing within a month of my initial divorce who immediately cheated, stole money from me, abused me, and got his ‘girlfriend on the side’ pregnant within two months of marrying me. In the process of me kicking him out he took liberties and I became pregnant with my 4 year old son (who I adore) I made him leave and our divorce was finalized one year and 20 days to the day after we married.We lived together maybe three months, total.
My FIRST husband and I reconciled and remarried thirty days later. We have been together since and have come through even stronger. He loves my son as his own and was there from the day I told him I was pregnant. (we have four other children as well).
In order to convert will I have to get an annulment from my second husband? I was told by the church ed. director that because my second marriage was invalid I most likely will not. My second marriage to my FIRST husband was never annulled therefore still spiritually valid, correct? As silly as it sounds, I have always felt that my first husband and I never divorced-like our marriage was still ‘there’.
I know I just sort of emotionally vomited all over everyone, but I ask that no one please attack me for what I did. I am still having a hard time forgiving myself for what I did. I know I should-because if God has forgiven me, I need to forgive me. I just hate that I hurt my husband and children (who are doing very well, now) so very badly. Be kind to me, please!
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From what you have said, I think it’s quite simple. You were married in the Episcopal Church, were with your husband for 15 years, divorced, married someone else, divorced him and remarried your husband civilly. In the eyes of the Catholic church you had a lawful marriage in the first instance. Your husband didn’t cease being your husband on divorce because the Catholic Church doesn’t recognise divorce. You were not married to the second man because you are already married. I’m pretty sure that the priest will tell you that.
 
That is pretty much what the ed. director said, but he did say we needed to confirm it with the Priest. 🙂
Saintlucy said:
From what you have said, I think it’s quite simple. You were married in the Episcopal Church, were with your husband for 15 years, divorced, married someone else, divorced him and remarried your husband civilly. In the eyes of the Catholic church you had a lawful marriage in the first instance. Your husband didn’t cease being your husband on divorce because the Catholic Church doesn’t recognise divorce. You were not married to the second man because you are already married. I’m pretty sure that the priest will tell you that.
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