J
joe5046
Guest
This is a direct copy from the note i wrote to all of my college, hope you enjoy.
From my birth, until around the year of 2003, my religious opinions could be classified as “agnostic,” I felt that there was a God, but I could not prove it to myself, nor did I even know where to begin to approach Him. This resulted in the prayers of a desperate man, if not boy. I prayed that if God would do this for me, I would go to church every Sunday, or if God would do that for me, I would believe. Selfish prayers. In most conversion stories, you hear of a person tormented by Satan, and in an endless cycle of sin. That is not my story. I lived my early life away from Christ and His Church, but not living in sin. I was in highs school, but I was not part of the culture. I wasn’t having pre-marital sex, I wasn’t an alcoholic, or drug addict, nor was even using those substances. To the outside, and even to myself, it seemed as though I was living a perfectly normal life. I was tormented however, by a mere question. This simple question, for most of my teenage life, tormented me. It haunted me day after day, and had me awake thinking about it night after night. I could not count how many hours of sleep I lost to the mere question of “What happens after we die?” and along similar lines “Is there a Heaven?” Not yet having the faith in Christ I currently have, I could not help to become tormented by this question. I tried to imagine what non-existence was like, and soon became terrified by the concept that after we died, we ceased to exist. It seemed that an eternity of pain, Hell, would be preferable to non-existence as I imagined it. I prayed many prayers during those nights, prayers that are simultaneously the most selfish prayers, and the most selfless, that I have ever made. I prayed for faith.
And it was during this time, that faith was given to me. I began going to church, and I began taking RCIA, Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults, the beginning of my conversion. I began classes, joined the youth group, went on retreats, I did the whole thing, including studying the Catholic faith for myself, and it was these studies that caused me to fall in love with the Catholic faith. In fact, due to the amount of study I had done, I was offered baptism a year ahead of the rest of the RCIA class; I declined. That was in the winter of 2004, and I would wait another year and a half to receive the sacraments. I was baptized, and officially received into the church Easter of 2006. It was the summer after that next changed my spiritual life. The summer of 2006 was the time that I participated in the Young Apostles program. I spent a week in Tucson, AZ. It was during this week, that I grew closer to God, and began to know the Almighty on a more personal level. It was during this week that I felt a very strong pull towards the Catholic Priesthood. I left Arizona feeling a new sense of purpose. I began talking to vocation personnel from the Jesuits, and Dominicans, and eventually, the Legion of Christ. But before I even met the Legion, I went to College.
Although I was at Bard College, in NY, for a very short time, 4 ½ months, I think that it was one of the more influential times of my life. I met many amazing people, and had a wonderful time. I had a great group of friends that I will miss very much. It was around November that I began my contact with the Legion of Christ, a relatively new religious congregation. I eventually decided to visit their novitiate in America, at Cheshire, CT. It was during this time that my calling to the priesthood was affirmed. This was the weekend of Dec 2nd-3rd, 2006. I went back to school more confused about my future than ever. Since that fateful weekend, I have been receiving spiritual direction from the Legion, and have been talking with them about my future. And that brings us to today, the beginning of the year 2007. Right now, my plans are to go to Wisconsin, and begin working at a boarding school the Legion helps to run to begin working of the amount of debt I earned going to school for one semester. I will not be returning to Bard College. The formation process is long, taking between 12-14 years. It begins May 15th in Cheshire, CT, where I will take part in the Legion’s candidacy program. This 3-month program will be a time of discernment for both myself, and the Legion. I will be living the life of a Novice, receiving spiritual direction, regular confession, and attend daily mass. This is also a time for the Legion to discern if they want me in their congregation. I have a long road ahead of me, and I ask all of you for your prayers and support.
From my birth, until around the year of 2003, my religious opinions could be classified as “agnostic,” I felt that there was a God, but I could not prove it to myself, nor did I even know where to begin to approach Him. This resulted in the prayers of a desperate man, if not boy. I prayed that if God would do this for me, I would go to church every Sunday, or if God would do that for me, I would believe. Selfish prayers. In most conversion stories, you hear of a person tormented by Satan, and in an endless cycle of sin. That is not my story. I lived my early life away from Christ and His Church, but not living in sin. I was in highs school, but I was not part of the culture. I wasn’t having pre-marital sex, I wasn’t an alcoholic, or drug addict, nor was even using those substances. To the outside, and even to myself, it seemed as though I was living a perfectly normal life. I was tormented however, by a mere question. This simple question, for most of my teenage life, tormented me. It haunted me day after day, and had me awake thinking about it night after night. I could not count how many hours of sleep I lost to the mere question of “What happens after we die?” and along similar lines “Is there a Heaven?” Not yet having the faith in Christ I currently have, I could not help to become tormented by this question. I tried to imagine what non-existence was like, and soon became terrified by the concept that after we died, we ceased to exist. It seemed that an eternity of pain, Hell, would be preferable to non-existence as I imagined it. I prayed many prayers during those nights, prayers that are simultaneously the most selfish prayers, and the most selfless, that I have ever made. I prayed for faith.
And it was during this time, that faith was given to me. I began going to church, and I began taking RCIA, Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults, the beginning of my conversion. I began classes, joined the youth group, went on retreats, I did the whole thing, including studying the Catholic faith for myself, and it was these studies that caused me to fall in love with the Catholic faith. In fact, due to the amount of study I had done, I was offered baptism a year ahead of the rest of the RCIA class; I declined. That was in the winter of 2004, and I would wait another year and a half to receive the sacraments. I was baptized, and officially received into the church Easter of 2006. It was the summer after that next changed my spiritual life. The summer of 2006 was the time that I participated in the Young Apostles program. I spent a week in Tucson, AZ. It was during this week, that I grew closer to God, and began to know the Almighty on a more personal level. It was during this week that I felt a very strong pull towards the Catholic Priesthood. I left Arizona feeling a new sense of purpose. I began talking to vocation personnel from the Jesuits, and Dominicans, and eventually, the Legion of Christ. But before I even met the Legion, I went to College.
Although I was at Bard College, in NY, for a very short time, 4 ½ months, I think that it was one of the more influential times of my life. I met many amazing people, and had a wonderful time. I had a great group of friends that I will miss very much. It was around November that I began my contact with the Legion of Christ, a relatively new religious congregation. I eventually decided to visit their novitiate in America, at Cheshire, CT. It was during this time that my calling to the priesthood was affirmed. This was the weekend of Dec 2nd-3rd, 2006. I went back to school more confused about my future than ever. Since that fateful weekend, I have been receiving spiritual direction from the Legion, and have been talking with them about my future. And that brings us to today, the beginning of the year 2007. Right now, my plans are to go to Wisconsin, and begin working at a boarding school the Legion helps to run to begin working of the amount of debt I earned going to school for one semester. I will not be returning to Bard College. The formation process is long, taking between 12-14 years. It begins May 15th in Cheshire, CT, where I will take part in the Legion’s candidacy program. This 3-month program will be a time of discernment for both myself, and the Legion. I will be living the life of a Novice, receiving spiritual direction, regular confession, and attend daily mass. This is also a time for the Legion to discern if they want me in their congregation. I have a long road ahead of me, and I ask all of you for your prayers and support.