Converting an older child against their will

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I have been thinking about this a lot lately for some reason and would appreciate some thoughts.

The child in question was my brother, who now does not even identify as Catholic. This is the background. My brother and i were not brought up in faith. Our mother was lapsed and father was a militant atheists. They were in a civil marriage, we were not baptised and religion was never discussed at home. I don’t remember our mother ever going to mass, except for Christmas and Easter. With God’s grace I somehow eneded up open to God’s message and decided to convert when I was 16 and started RCIA. It turned out my mother was very pleased about that and decided that my brother, then 13 years old, should convert too. He didn’t want to but she forced him into it. She explained that receving the sacraments would prove to be useful in the future, if, for example he wanted to get married in church or something like that. She went to mass with him but we never prayed as a family and never discussed the Catholic faith. I don’t think he had a clue what was going on and saw the process as just another boring activity he had to do to please her.

My brother is an adult now, 30 years old, identifies as agnostic and thinks that his conversion was meaningless.

How does the church see such situations? As I understand, children of that age must freely decide to convert. Was this at all valid? Will abandoning the church that he never really belong to have severe consequences for my brother?

Thank you.

 

[Trishie]

Conversion is not something forced on us but chosen.
It was after the age of reason, and essentially he rejected it except as a matter of parental imposition so it wasn’t a conversion.

“But the conversion of infidels must be free and without compulsion, otherwise it will not be genuine and lasting (cap. 9, tit. vi, lib. V, de Judaeis). It cannot be denied that at various epochs, notably under Charlemagne and later in Spain, there were forced conversions, which may be explained, though not excused, by the custom of the age; but the Church was not responsible for them, as it has constantly taught that all conversions should be free. On several occasions it expressly forbade the baptism of Jews and infidels against their will, and even the baptism of children without their parents consent, unless they were in imminent danger of death (cf. Collect. cit., De subjecto baptismi). In the rite of administering baptism the Church still asks the questions: Quid petis ab Ecclesia Dei? Vis baptizari?”
newadvent.org/cathen/08002b.htm

“The Church did not recognize a forced conversion as valid, so long as the person repudiated baptism within a reasonable amount of time. Yet if someone received baptism without objection, even if they were acting in response to an implied or spoken threat, that was considered valid.” catholicculture.org/culture/library/view.cfm?recnum=4705

However as he was a child, does this still apply?
In the end, you may need to ask your priest.

 

[Cristiano]

I have been thinking about this a lot lately for some reason and would appreciate some thoughts.

The child in question was my brother, who now does not even identify as Catholic. This is the background. My brother and i were not brought up in faith. Our mother was lapsed and father was a militant atheists. They were in a civil marriage, we were not baptised and religion was never discussed at home. I don’t remember our mother ever going to mass, except for Christmas and Easter. With God’s grace I somehow eneded up open to God’s message and decided to convert when I was 16 and started RCIA. It turned out my mother was very pleased about that and decided that my brother, then 13 years old, should convert too. He didn’t want to but she forced him into it. She explained that receving the sacraments would prove to be useful in the future, if, for example he wanted to get married in church or something like that. She went to mass with him but we never prayed as a family and never discussed the Catholic faith. I don’t think he had a clue what was going on and saw the process as just another boring activity he had to do to please her.

My brother is an adult now, 30 years old, identifies as agnostic and thinks that his conversion was meaningless.

How does the church see such situations? As I understand, children of that age must freely decide to convert. Was this at all valid? Will abandoning the church that he never really belong to have severe consequences for my brother?

Thank you.

From your post it looks like your brother never converted. Are you questioning the validity of his baptism and confirmation?

 

[1ke]

Your brother presented himself for baptism and the other sacraments of initiation. He responded to the baptismal promises and profession of faith. His interior disposition was then presumed to match his external actions.

I do not think there is reason to doubt the validity of the sacraments. Their efficacy depends upon his cooperation with the graces God has given him.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

Thank you for your replies.

I pray that the sacrament of baptism will help my brother open his heart and mind to God. Given that he did agree to become Catholic it seems that it was valid. Maybe it will be ‘useful’ to him after all one day.

My mother has come back to the church in the meantime and I am very grateful for that. But she is in denial about our faith formation in the family, ie. believs that she did her duty as a Catholic parent.