To everyone: thank you so much for your support!
I feel so much better. Both because people are so welcoming, and because for the first time I’ve been upfront about this issue. There will be no more hiding.
I tried to submit an online form to the church next to me, inquiring about RICA classes. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work. So I am going to call tomorrow, explain my situation, and ask over the phone. Since it is right in the middle of university housing, I’d be very surprised if it didn’t offer classes!
I’m very excited about this.
At the end of the day, I really can’t narrow down one specific reason as to why I want to convert to Catholicism. Yes, I feel that, in general, my philosophy about God and life aligns more with Christianity than the very strict mitzvah-“follow the rules and we’re good” philosophy of Judaism. Not that I can’t have a relationship with God in Judaism–I can, and do–but I’ve always felt like there must be more to pleasing God than these very antiquated and unreasonable rules one must follow, and maybe this is why I’ve never taken great pleasure in the “organized religion” side of Judaism. At the same time, I’ve always felt that God loves anyone who attempts to have a relationship with Him, and He loves equally. This is not what Orthodox Judaism teaches. And this is why I’m so drawn to Catholicism: even though Catholicism has its morality clauses and rules, it’s literally a sin to pass judgment on another, and even if you’re the worst person in the world, God *still *doesn’t give up on you.
I’ve compared myself a friend as “a horse being led against its will.” I’ve distanced myself, considered things, but keep being led back to the same point. I mean, this isn’t easy–this will easily be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Judaism and the God of the Old Testament are very dear to me. But I feel as though I won’t have peace until I figure this out.
