Convincing Dad

[JustAnotherThou]

OK, I asked this question on Ask an Apologist and here is his answer:

My question ----
I am curious about this for the sake of my father and step mother.

Both are divorced from their 1st spouses.
Both of their 1st spouses have since passed away.
Dad and SM have been married about 20 years.
SM 1st husband passed away about 10+ years ago.
Dad’s first wife (my mom) passed away 5 years ago.

Are they now free to marry in the Church?
Would they still have to get annulments through the Church? (Dad bc his 1st marriage was in the Church, SM’s 1st was married by Justice of the Peace.)

Dad did not (would not have) seek an annulment through the Church when he and mom divorced.
SM has been through RCIA, although did not receive any sacraments through the Curch (due to her marriage to my father who was still seen as married in the Church & God’s eyes), although she does attend Mass regularly (1-2x a week), and her daughter (my step sister) converted when she was a teen.

I ask this because 1) I don’t like seeing them live in sin. 2) I would enjoy seeing my step mom become a member of the Church.

His Answer--------
Hi,

From what you have said, they are both free to marry in the Church. Actually, the sooner, the better.

Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.

So my question to all of you, do you have any suggestions on how I can convince my dad to marry my step mom in the Church???

My dad has not attended Mass regularly since us kids moved out, although my step mom does. Dad attends weddings and funerals that is about it. I still think they should marry in the Church since they are now free to! 1) I want my step mom to be able to receive the sacraments 2) hopefully it will bring dad back to the Church.
I live 3 States away from them and do not get to visit them as much as I would like. I do believe my step mom would be excited to take the sacraments and I don’t think she has asked their local priest about this. I just thought about asking on here today. I just am not sure what dad is going to say. I can just guess he is not going to be happy about going to confession after soooooo many years away from the Church.
I do think it might be better for my step mom to bring it up to him, although I also believe he would be more inclined to do it if he knew us kids (his and hers) were wanting it.
Thoughts, Advice, Suggestions, Prayers!!!

 

[puzzleannie]

way to much info
in any case, it is their business, not ours
if you are speaking of 2 Catholics, married civilly or otherwise w/o Catholic form of marriage, who are otherwise free to marry (no living spouses, no impediments) yest they are free to have their marriage convalidated, no further action on the previous marriages is needed if the exes are deceased

maybe a simple word at the right time and place, gee Dad, it would be wonderful if when we are together we can all go to Mass and receive the sacraments, it would mean so much to me, and you know there is nothing stopping you know, why not talk to your parish priest about it?

I would not try to convince, simply to suggest

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

I would work on your stepmother first, but I would suggest, as puzzleannie said. Be gentle about it. “Gee, Mary (or whatever it is), it’d be so great if you could receive the Eucharist again. Now that your ex and my mother have both passed on, have you ever thought about having your marriage blessed in the Church? Boy, I’d drive (or fly) to be there!”

Just as an FYI- Catholic receive sacraments, they don’t take them.

 

[JustAnotherThou]

way to much info
in any case, it is their business, not ours
if you are speaking of 2 Catholics, married civilly or otherwise w/o Catholic form of marriage, who are otherwise free to marry (no living spouses, no impediments) yest they are free to have their marriage convalidated, no further action on the previous marriages is needed if the exes are deceased

maybe a simple word at the right time and place, gee Dad, it would be wonderful if when we are together we can all go to Mass and receive the sacraments, it would mean so much to me, and you know there is nothing stopping you know, why not talk to your parish priest about it?

I would not try to convince, simply to suggest

Well I didn’t give their names
My step mom is not Catholic, she can not receive the sacraments until she marrys my dad in the Church!! I think it is important that she can if she wants to. I doubt she would be going to Mass if she did not want to be Catholic. I just don’t think dad sees the importance of her being able to become Catholic as I do.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

Dad attends weddings and funerals that is about it.

Well, this would be a wedding If they decide to get married the priest could nudge your dad towards going to confession before they get married.

I still think they should marry in the Church since they are now free to! 1) I want my step mom to be able to receive the sacraments 2) hopefully it will bring dad back to the Church.
I live 3 States away from them and do not get to visit them as much as I would like. I do believe my step mom would be excited to take the sacraments and I don’t think she has asked their local priest about this. I just thought about asking on here today. I just am not sure what dad is going to say. I can just guess he is not going to be happy about going to confession after soooooo many years away from the Church.
I do think it might be better for my step mom to bring it up to him, although I also believe he would be more inclined to do it if he knew us kids (his and hers) were wanting it.
Thoughts, Advice, Suggestions, Prayers!!!

I don’t have much advice other than pray hard about it, and then maybe you can mention it to your stepmom if you think that would work out better that way, not like you are doing it behind your dad’s back/secretively, but simply mention that you have been thinking and realized they are free to marry in the Church and you think it would be wonderful and just wanted to suggest it to see what she thinks. If your dad is around you can mention it to them both if you wish. I think its great you noticed that and are trying to nudge them in the right way!

 

[SilenceISgolden]

Good for you for finding out! Personally I’d say talk to your SM. You know the saying from My Big Fat Greek Wedding that went something like this ’ the man may be the head of the house but the woman is the NECK!’ She can probably present it better and then if it is important to her she can express what being a full member of the church would mean to her.

Hopefully you will have a reason soon to travel to see them! And keep praying for your dad to soften his heart!