Cops and Family Life

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bellerman21

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Hello all … I was just wondering if there are any married cops out there or spouses of cops. I am a 23 y/o deputy sheriff and engaged. My fiance and I are committed to remaining faithful to catholic teaching and look forward to having a big family. I dont have any co workers with big families … but then again I dont have any catholic co workers. My future wife and family are much more important than any particular job and I would find something else if I had to. Maybe someone out there can lend some advice or share some experiences. Thanks God Bless.
 
Make sure your fiance knows what she is getting into as far as work schedules. This is the biggest source of job-related conflict for me. Shift work presents problems for some as well as having to work over. Also emergency situations where you have to work continously or go for long periods without a day off. My wife handles this part okay because of she came from a military family.

If I could give any advice to a person your age in law enforcement, it would be the same advice I would give anyone. Stay close to the Christ in the Eucharist, make regular confession and pray the rosary. You must influence your job and not let it influence you.

I have been in my department 18 years.
 
Our family is in a similar line of work (emergency medical care), which is a different kettle of fish–not so likely to get shot at and much more gratitude–but we do get weird shifts that can’t be expected to end on time. He also has contact with the public when they are not at their best, which wears on a person.

I cope by making two assumptions: one is that if he could be home sooner or if he could be home instead of working holidays, he would. The other is that his job is our family’s way of making sure that an important job is done, and done in a way that he can keep it up. His job is my job, and vice versa. My part of it is keeping his feet in the land of normal (that is, reminding him that most people are different in the rest of their lives than on the days he deals with them) and letting him know that he never has to worry that there will be repercussions at home because he is committed to doing his job well, or even because he decides that he just can’t take it anymore. His part is to make certain that we know we are his priority, that his job is what he does, not who he is.

In short, put each other first, and make each person’s vocation a family commitment, being willing to pull each other’s weight once in awhile.
 
It might be helpful to apply for a job in a city or town with shift schedules that will fit you best. Both my dad and my older brother are police officers, but work in different cities. My dad has eight hour shifts with three different cycles (days, evenings, and midnights), while my brother has twelve hour shifts with two cycles (days and nights). The number of days they work and number of days they have off also vary as well.

Also, detectives usually don’t have to deal with the shift changes - they primarily work during the day. So if you would like to reach detective, maybe try to time it so you can get there while your family is still on the small side (~3 kids).

Those are just some random thoughts I had - hope they help!

Peace
 
Hi, bellerman!

i am 24 and newly married, although i see you two are still engaged…so congrats!

anyway, my dad was a cop when he met my mom. they began dating and shortly therafter, he was involved in a dangerous shoot-out (while not wearing a bp vest because they were “too hot”). she simply told him that either he think about a new profession or they couldn’t date anymore because the anxiety over his safety would be her undoing. he enrolled in law school the following fall semester.

they married right about that time, and i came a year later. although law schools will tell you that working full time while taking the full courseload is next to impossible, my dad worked (on average) fifty hours a week while completing his juris doctorate. he was able to pay as he went and didn’t have loans when he graduated, “praise God,” as he would say 🙂 he had to work in order to support his small family, as shortly after i was born, my mother became pregnant with my brother…and the small army began to grow. 😉 he graduated #3 in his class and is still an attorney, all these years later.

i dated a cop before i met my husband (who is NOT a cop!!!) and he would often work over time shift work for time and a half, or security at certain events for double time shift work. he made a lot of extra money that way, but he worked TONS of hours. TONS.

i used to work in a juvenile intake center, and a deputy was always on staff…some of them had children, and they too would put in over time at the jail or wherever, but often times worked 60-80 hours a week. that is a LOT of time away from the family.

just my two cents!!!
 
Small department (handful of deputies) with only court & park duties or larger department (dozens or even hundreds of deputies) with towns to patrol due to no local PD?

Depending on where you fit it, in the above picture, it will present different challenges for you.
 
Perhaps a special devotion to the patron saint of policemen (I am sorry, is it St. Michael or St. George) would be a good thing for both of you.
 
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pnewton:
Make sure your fiance knows what she is getting into as far as work schedules. This is the biggest source of job-related conflict for me. Shift work presents problems for some as well as having to work over. Also emergency situations where you have to work continously or go for long periods without a day off. My wife handles this part okay because of she came from a military family.

If I could give any advice to a person your age in law enforcement, it would be the same advice I would give anyone. Stay close to the Christ in the Eucharist, make regular confession and pray the rosary. You must influence your job and not let it influence you.

I have been in my department 18 years.
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bellerman, what pnewton said sounds like good advice. It backs up what I have read in true crime books and Joseph Wambaugh novels! “They” say that cops have a high divorce rate, primarily due to strain and tension that can build with the long, unexpected hours that a policeman often has to put in. Officers can also get jaded and cynical from seeing the worst of the worst of the human condition.

Plus, a perennial movie stereotype is the cop with the rocky marriage and distant relations to his kids because he’s “never there” for sporting events, ballets, birthdays, etc.

So it would seem like going into the career and marriage acknowledging these factors is one of the best way to deal with them and not let them be a destructive issue. Hopefully your wife enjoys spending time alone or doing things with other people.

My hubby is gone a lot, but most of the time I really enjoy being at home by myself with the dogs, doing my own thing. Although, sometimes I get cranky if he’s gone alot.

Anyway, God bless you for this difficult and sacrificing profession and may He protect you and pnewton all your days. I love policemen!
 
In response to “Sir Knight” it is a mid sized department in a metro area appx. 500 deputies metro and rural patrol areas, detention center, courts, transport, division, civil … the whole nine yards. I hope to be in a position to tranfer to a smaller department later … but it is hard to find one with decent pay.
 
Big departments are not necessary bad when it comes to a marriage because you blend in with the other deputies and it becomes more of a regular job with less riding on your shoulders because while there is more work, it can be spread out more as well. Smaller departments can mean that your workload will be more laid back but more will be riding on you – one person calls in sick or is injuried and you are suddenly needed and all of your family plans are placed on the back burner.

My question was to get you to think about the different type of stresses the two different environments will bring so that you will know what to prepare for.
 
Sir Knight:
Big departments are not necessary bad when it comes to a marriage because you blend in with the other deputies and it becomes more of a regular job with less riding on your shoulders because while there is more work, .
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Larger departments are also more likely to have family-friendly policies that make some effort to mirror other types of employment. We usually even follow federal guidelines for family leave.🙂
 
No experience, but my son (almost 17) wants to go into law enforcement. As soon as he graduates from high school, he wants to apply to the state cadet program. I told him I’ll support whatever he does, but I’ll start praying more if he’s in a job where he can be shot at. I sure hope he finds an understanding woman if he decides to marry! —KCT
 
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