Coworker's wife pregnant through IVF. What to say?

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A coworker of mine sent me an IM saying that his wife went through another round of IVF and is now pregnant, perhaps even pregnant times 3. He was so excited. I didn’t know what to say. Do all IVF procedures kill an embryo? Aren’t many fertilized and only a few selected for implantation? Or are there some IVF treatments that do not kill?

All I could manage to say was a meek “congratulations”, but it seemed that maybe I should’ve said more. I was caught unprepared.
 
I don’t see how anything else you could say would make any difference in this situation. I suppose, if they considered doing IVF again in the future, you could discuss the serious moral problem at that point.
 
milimac said:
A coworker of mine sent me an IM saying that his wife went through another round of IVF and is now pregnant, perhaps even pregnant times 3. He was so excited. I didn’t know what to say. Do all IVF procedures kill an embryo? Aren’t many fertilized and only a few selected for implantation? Or are there some IVF treatments that do not kill?

All I could manage to say was a meek “congratulations”, but it seemed that maybe I should’ve said more. I was caught unprepared.
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In a case like this, I doubt embryos are discarded, they are all implanted, but most are unlikely to survive - but sometimes, multiples do occur and all embroys have implanted! I believe the church’s issue with IVF is not the killing of embryos (although that is against church teaching), but rather that the children were conceived outside of the marital union - by science.
 
The Church’s issue is both the killing of embryos and the process of their creation.
 
I don’t really see that there is much you could say after the fact. I just had the same thing happen with my cousin. If they were letting you know there plans in advance, then I guess you could say something.
 
Just let them enjoy the fact that they will now get to have a child of their own and hopefully they will raise the child as a Christian. I would say Catholic but that would be kind of hard. What is a child supposed to be in that situation? Uh, I am a Catholic and therefore I should not have been born. It kind of is a paradox or at least an oxymoron. But anyways, although I in no way want to encourage it or go against the teachings of the church, I honestly don’t see the harm in this procedure and it is the one teaching I don’t understand and hopefully never will have to.
 
as a rule of Christian charity, whenever we hear the news that a friend is expecting, we give no thought or speculation whatever to the manner of the child’s conception, and simply offer our best wishes and prayers for a safe pregnancy and healthy baby.
 
milimac said:
A coworker of mine sent me an IM saying that his wife went through another round of IVF and is now pregnant, perhaps even pregnant times 3. He was so excited. I didn’t know what to say. Do all IVF procedures kill an embryo? Aren’t many fertilized and only a few selected for implantation? Or are there some IVF treatments that do not kill?

All I could manage to say was a meek “congratulations”, but it seemed that maybe I should’ve said more. I was caught unprepared.
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Not all IVF procedures are performed according to the usual protocols: expect 20% survival, fertilize many, implant 5 best and hope for one healthy baby. It can be done differently: I am familiar with a case where only a few eggs were fertized and all were implanted and (I believe) they all survived.- that does not make it right. A person should be begotten by a personal act, not as a result of a manufacturing process.

I see S-cat has made the same point very well …
 
One of the two of them is unable to have children, but it is ‘wrong’ to take the egg and sperm from a husband and wife create an embryo. I’m sorry, but I see this as a miracle.
 
JCmaniac said:
One of the two of them is unable to have children, but it is ‘wrong’ to take the egg and sperm from a husband and wife create an embryo. I’m sorry, but I see this as a miracle.
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Yes it is wrong…a miracle is believing/ having faith/trusting in GOD not that YOU are God and can make life outside of the womb without the marital embrace!
 
puzzleannie said:
as a rule of Christian charity, whenever we hear the news that a friend is expecting, we give no thought or speculation whatever to the manner of the child’s conception, and simply offer our best wishes and prayers for a safe pregnancy and healthy baby.
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Whatever happened to that quaint old tradition of simply announcing the joyful news that one’s family was expecting a child–without all the gory details–especially in the workplace for heaven’s sake!!! It makes the obvious response above far easier to deliver and relieves the audience of any need to zip their lips, uncross their eyes and/or blush/sweat profusely in response to the fine points about the dis/function of a co-worker’s spouse’s reproductive organs!!!
 
simply offer our best wishes and prayers for a safe pregnancy and healthy baby.
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Well said!!
I would say Catholic but that would be kind of hard. What is a child supposed to be in that situation? Uh, I am a Catholic and therefore I should not have been born.
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Of course the child could be raised Catholic. I am the product of IUI (granted this is not IVF but IUI is immoral), and I am a cradle Catholic. I never consider that I should not have been born.

Autumn
 
I am puzzled by the comments about raising this child as a Catholic. Nothing the original poster led me to believe that the couple that had IVF was Catholic. That said, we have to realize that people who are not Catholic probably don’t see anything wrong with this procedure. People who are Catholic either don’t know that they aren’t supposed to do this or they are so anxious for a child that they don’t care.

I agree that people shouldn’t feel the need to reveal the details of their private lives to their co-workers. And the proper response is definitely whatever positive remark you can come up with. If you don’t feel like saying “Congratulations,” you can say “Really!” “So you actually did it!” In any case, if it succeeds, the child will be just as real as any child born either in or out of wedlock.

It is best to try to show good example and not try to be policemen of the moral lives of our co-workers.
 
I know how you felt! A good friend of mine is a coworker and her daughter was pregnant through IVF. They implanted 8 embyros. How to react? I prayed Father, Jesus, forgive us, we know not what we do.
 
Listener said:
I am puzzled by the comments about raising this child as a Catholic. Nothing the original poster led me to believe that the couple that had IVF was Catholic. That said, we have to realize that people who are not Catholic probably don’t see anything wrong with this procedure. People who are Catholic either don’t know that they aren’t supposed to do this or they are so anxious for a child that they don’t care.

I agree that people shouldn’t feel the need to reveal the details of their private lives to their co-workers. And the proper response is definitely whatever positive remark you can come up with. If you don’t feel like saying “Congratulations,” you can say “Really!” “So you actually did it!” In any case, if it succeeds, the child will be just as real as any child born either in or out of wedlock.

It is best to try to show good example and not try to be policemen of the moral lives of our co-workers.
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Yes, the couple in this case has not revealed their religious affiliation, but I don’t think they’re Catholic. However, I don’t think being Catholic or not has anything to do with the immorality of it. It would be easier to appeal to the conscience of a fellow Catholic though. We have more than just reason and natural law to make the case.

I find that it’s a similar dilemma to an unmarried Catholic friend who told me she was pregnant. It’s sort of a mix between “congratulations” and “shame on you”. We were close enough that that is actually what I said, and we’re still good friends. But with my coworker I’m not that comfortable with admonishment. But just saying “congratulations” doesn’t seem to be quite right either. And silence itself is an insult when someone tells you they’re pregnant. In retrospect, I think I would’ve just said “wow”.
 
Listener said:
I am puzzled by the comments about raising this child as a Catholic. Nothing the original poster led me to believe that the couple that had IVF was Catholic.
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I can speak only for my comments. My comments are general and not regarding this particular couple. I responded to the suggestion that the circumstances in which a child is conceived determines if he or she can be raised Catholic.

Autumn
 
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