Cracking the "Crazy Cycle" in Marriage

[Jay74]

I found a great story at loveandrespect.com that illustrates the “crazy cycle” and the “communication code” in marriage. It gives great advice to husbands and wives on how to communicate with each other, and what is really being communicated when husbands and wives feel unloving and disrespectful.

It is interactive in its own window, so this link wno’t open it directly. Click on the link below, then in the third paragraph, there is a heading that says “Understanding the Crazy Cycle.” Under that heading, click the link titled “Two Stories I Hear Over and Over.”

loveandrespect.com/Main/learningnew_index.asp?state=within

It is short, and well worth the time!

Blessings!

 

[AlanFromWichita]

I loved it.

Thank you for posting it. This vicious cycle is all too common, and I know from our own marriage that it hurts when one person offers love and the other takes it as an attack.

Another resource I think is good along these lines, is the “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate” by Gary Chapman.

I think what you have posted is an excellent eye opener, to hopefully point out the broken cycle. In the five love languages, Chapman claims that couples who have different ways of showing or perceiving “love” may never recognize their spouse’s attempts at showing love because it comes in a different “language” than what they are expecting.

In a nutshell, the languages are:

1. Words of affirmation
2. Quality time
3. Receiving gifts
4. Acts of service
5. Physical touch.

If you and your spouse have different “primary love languages” you can spend your life trying to please each other but always in contention because neither perceives the other as doing so.

Alan

 

[maryalene]

LOL, I read the very first paragraph and thought “that’s me!” Thanks for the link!

 

[RockAndHoops]

I’m not even married and I saw stuff from my former dating relationship that went like that.

And I can stonewall like nobody’s business…my dad is pretty much the only one who can reason with me at that point.

 

[C_S_P_B]

I have read the book “Love & Respect” by Emerson Eggerich and have listened to a couple of interviews on FamilyLife Today evangelical Radio show. The message is great and totally compatible with the Catholic Marriage Theology and Sacrament. I definately recommend this book.

Dr. Eggerich is putting on a seminar at the Grace Church in Eden Prairie, Minnesota in November.

Another evangelical writer with a very Catholic perspective on marriage is Gary Thomas who wrote “Sacred Marriage”. These two books are great for Catholic married to evangelical Protestants. Also Catholics can learn a great deal from these two books.

After reading both these two books, I wonder how long until one or both of these men embrace the Catholic Church. I believe that if someone understands God’s plan for marriage, they are well along the way to understanding the Catholic faith.

Steve

 

[rayne89]

I actually heard him speak at a “Hearts At Home” conference. I probably could have used the advise a decade earlier it would have saved the trouble of spending years learning it the hard way. By the time I heard it at the conference I had figured that out from my marriage experiences over the last 10+ years.

 

[Jay74]

The clip definitely explained my parents crazy cycle. She never could stand his “cluelessness” and he never could stand her “nagging”.

With her pink sunglasses and hearing aids, she would proclaim dad clueless and uncaring–after all, if he knew what was going on or cared, he would be saying something.

And dad with his blue sunglasses and hearing aids would shake his head and chalk her up to being a nag–after all, if she had any respect for him at all she wouldn’t be talking to him that way.

Blessings

 

[aterrell]

Steve–I found this interesting that you said…

“Another evangelical writer with a very Catholic perspective on marriage is Gary Thomas who wrote “Sacred Marriage”. These two books are great for Catholic married to evangelical Protestants. Also Catholics can learn a great deal from these two books.”

I went to a “Weekend to Remember” seminar with my husband–I’m a Catholic convert, he is protestant. Got the Sacred Marriage book and just ate it up! I kept thinking, “This guy is almost Catholic!” Same with Love & Respect. I am with you on wondering if these men will find the Church!

 

[smallcat]

Thanks for the link. This describes my marriage freakishly well, and I’m encouraged to know it’s a common issue. Maybe we’re not as strange as I thought!