Creating new relationships: How?!

[cheezey]

Amongst the people I have had in my life were a few too many who were, um, well, not so trustworthy and/or genuine. I need to reassess how not to absorb ‘toxic’ people; some changes need to come from me. Of course, it is always a roll of the dice on some level . But how does one become a friend after being an acquaintance these days? How does one move beyond the “I don’t know you so I am being ultra cautious” and advance to a prospective relationship?
Thankfully, I have been meeting many pleasant people, due in part to the revitalization of my hometown, where I have returned after many years. Something about an ice rink makes people talk.
A small coffee shop owner introduces me to every regular and they remember me. One bought me coffee and asked if I’d be back.
A man stopped me on the street to admire my hat and speed of walking. Next thing, he tells me he’s a chef where I frequented years ago. Wonderful, but pricey place. He wanted my number, I said no, “I don’t know you.” But he gave me his, saying he understood. “A girl needs to be safe.” I’d like to call him because he seems like a nice guy. Not because he offered a free meal. But the place is still great, I hear! I did tell him of my not-so-good situation, which I regret, though he was kind about it.)
I have moved a lot and do not have any local friends. I used to be shy, but I can now talk to almost anyone. I am on great terms – whatever that really means – with an employee of the rink. But only while at the rink.
But how does one move from there and still be cautious? I’d like to schedule a coffee with some of these people, not just run into them for having a city in common.
I have had a terrible time of late with housing, job loss, money, you name it. I’d like a reprieve from my worries by meeting people and laughing again.
Must mention: still very cautious in other ways, having been mugged 6 months ago. I am suspect at times; having had gun pointed at my heart, but that’s reasonable, even though it took place in another state.
I am not prioritizing for the sake of dating.
I would welcome any ideas. Church is not without possibilities, but I am in flux with that too, so…
Thank you for reading and many blessings.

 

[Irishmom2]

Cheezey, just to clarify, do you mean friends or do you mean relationships with the opposite sex? I am getting the sense you mean both, but they would be approached in different ways I think.

That being said, there is a saying that to make a friend, be a friend. I understand your need to be cautious, but there is no harm in saying to someone as you leave after talking to them," I really enjoyed speaking with you, and would like to again soon. " If they say they would like to also, there is nothing wrong with asking them if they would like to get together for coffee as you mentioned in your post.

 

[cheezey]

Cheezey, just to clarify, do you mean friends or do you mean relationships with the opposite sex? I am getting the sense you mean both, but they would be approached in different ways I think.

That being said, there is a saying that to make a friend, be a friend. I understand your need to be cautious, but there is no harm in saying to someone as you leave after talking to them," I really enjoyed speaking with you, and would like to again soon. " If they say they would like to also, there is nothing wrong with asking them if they would like to get together for coffee as you mentioned in your post.

Yes, I wouldn’t mind applying applying this to dating! But mostly, just to get to know more people. I need more genuine, non toxic people in my life. Through them, then maybe the dating as I become more comfortable. Thank you!!

 

[cheezey]

There is a ton of wisdom packed into this short but old saying.

When you go out into the world seeking friends for yourself, things sometimes work out and sometimes don’t. When you go out into the world seeking to *be a friend to *others, it can open up many more possibilities!

When you find someone you like ask them about themselves! Ask them about their hobbies, compliment them sincerely. Also seek opportunities to help others, perhaps you can volunteer somewhere. Seek to give love and friendship and I beleive love and friendship will find you in return. God bless you.

Thank you! And I gotcha! All my days of working were of public service. That part I have down well. It’s the progression from there that’s the problem. Perhaps I am referring to trust issues and also the issue of people seeming like they won’t associate beyond their circle out of fear of the unknown. I get that. I am cautious too. It just seems like there are too many people being too cautious that I cannot develop a friendship. Like after several meetings, etc., deciding to go shopping together, go to a sporting event, dinner out. I am wondering how to break the ice from acquaintance to friendships. It’s lonely here!!! I need to play and be with His other kids!!!

 

[cheezey]

I have moved a lot and do not have any local friends. I used to be shy, but I can now talk to almost anyone. I am on great terms – whatever that really means – with an employee of the rink. But only while at the rink.

I had already known that the ice rink employee has an antiques store. So today, I awkwardly mentioned that as a dealer of sorts, he must have a truck. I asked if I could hire his truck to move my things into storage, as I am facing being homeless. He offered a truck and help, and possibly storage; (He has to confirm the last with his business partner), and that he wouldn’t charge me. So I asked for his number, which he gave easily. I have known him since early December; he’s about my age, and likes to buy me hot chocolate at the rink. I may need to trust him, as I really would like to save my things. I need people like this during this very difficult time, even though none are people I know very well. I need some non toxic human company. I wish some of the people I’ve met of late could be the ‘let’s do coffee’ type of relationship. It’s very lonely here and lonelier without someone to forget my problems with. I hope I did something good here…

thanks for reading.