Cry Room "Abuses"

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msugeotech

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My wife and I often wind up in the cry room with our 2 children. One is 22 months and the other is only 9 weeks old. The cry room fills up with parents whose kids, in my mind, are way too old for the cry room. I’m trying to not be judgmental, but it’s almost as if they come in there so they won’t have to discipline their kids while sitting in the congregation. They just let them do whatever they want, and it’s very noisy. I’m sure we’re not the only parish with this sort of problem, and was wondering if y’all had any success in getting it resolved? I’d like to hear your success stories.

Thanks!
Shane
 
At both of the Parishes in our town, it is easy - there is no cry room.

Parents bring the babies and toddlers and children to Mass, they take kids to the back if the child gets loud, then they bring the child back in.
 
Yep, I don’t mind having to take my 1 year old out of mass. It was a big shocker when had our first mass in our renovated church a few weeks back. They ditched the cry room and just put 15 chairs in the narthex. Now whole families can’t hang out in the cry room. It’s a good change, although, that first Sunday was bad b/c those families that WERE used to all being in the cry room quickly took up the 15 chairs, leaving me to try and wrangle my 1 year old the whole time.
 
Children who are allowed to do whatever in the cry room soon learn that misbehaving in the pew lead to being able to go play elsewhere. Great way to teach. Scrap the ‘cry room’. We only had one put in because one particular priest hated kids and would have been happy never to see one in church. Luckily very few people use it.
 
My current parish doesn’t have a cry room in it. Most of the newer modern parishes do, but the one that I belong to was built sometime in the 1910s. I would mention it to the Pastor.

God Bless!
 
Phemie said:
Children who are allowed to do whatever in the cry room soon learn that misbehaving in the pew lead to being able to go play elsewhere. Great way to teach. Scrap the ‘cry room’.
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I agree. We rarely used it with our children and when he had to, it was not fun for them (which is probably why we rarely had to use it; they learned quickly). They were held to the same standards of behavior in the cry room as when we were in the pew (sit quietly, no talking, no running around, no toys, no food, etc.). They soon learned that misbehavior was not a ticket to leave Mass. If other families were in the cry room at the same time and let their children run with abandon, I would make a point of saying something to my children when they were acting up and loud enough for others to hear, like, “You are interrupting Father. You need to be quiet so we can hear what he’s saying during Our Lord’s Supper.” Once my child was in control we left the cry room immediately. I never understood those who used it as a camping spot for the entire Mass. I guess it was easier on those parents than having to teach their children proper behavior during Mass.

I fully understand parents with small crying babies using the room (hence the term, “CRY” Room, not “PLAY” Room), but I agree that using it as an escape from proper behavior is out of line.

Instead of using the Cry Room full of unruly children (where your children will learn all kinds of misbehavior from others), sit in the back of the church, go outside if necessary (again, not making it fun) and return as soon as possible. Your children will soon learn what’s expected if you are consistent.
 
msugeotech said:
My wife and I often wind up in the cry room with our 2 children. One is 22 months and the other is only 9 weeks old. The cry room fills up with parents whose kids, in my mind, are way too old for the cry room. I’m trying to not be judgmental, but it’s almost as if they come in there so they won’t have to discipline their kids while sitting in the congregation. They just let them do whatever they want, and it’s very noisy. I’m sure we’re not the only parish with this sort of problem, and was wondering if y’all had any success in getting it resolved? I’d like to hear your success stories.

Thanks!
Shane
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As your pastor to put up a notice in the cry room that it is the perfect time to work with your children on “practicing” good behavior at churc. In other words, it’s not a playroom.
 
Sadly, the “baby box” is indeed a play room in many parishes.
 
My former parish had adults without children sitting in the cry room (I don’t know why they wanted to sit there, but there was a guarantee that at least one solo adult, well past the child bearing age, would sit in the cry room - and not make room for the parents who later entered with their crying children). My new parish is too small for a cry room or chairs in the narthex. It’s so small that even if you went outside, you’d still hear the crying babies or noisy children. But I prefer it this way, because frankly, I love babies and children at mass. It is also beneficial because my dd sees how well behaved the kids are who are slightly older than her. 👍 Oh, and it also helps that our pastor likes to get the parishoners to answer questions during the homily and will pause mass if the responses aren’t “joyous” (a.k.a. loud) enough.
 
The few times that I have tried to use the cry room because my infant was crying a lot and I didn’t want to leave the other children alone in the pew, it was a busy as a nursery. I had a heck of a time trying to explain to my kids that they can’t play. We had a nursery also so if the parents didn’t want to instruct their children, they could have left them at the nursery. I don’t understand. I fully support bringing children to Mass but the parents that make no efforts to teach their children appropiate Mass behavior make it more difficult for those of us that do.
 
One of the churches we attend used to have a good size crying room then they built a new church last year with no crying room, but benches in the narthex (convenient for bathroom/diaper changing break me thinks).

The other church we attend have two smaller crying rooms and a day care room down the hall (I don’t know if they utilize it for mass). The pastor reminds parishners from time to time time take their children to the crying rooms to calm them down then bring them back to the main church. I guess it is to avoid the crying room “abuses” the OP was talking about.
 
CatholicFireman said:
One of the churches we attend used to have a good size crying room then they built a new church last year with no crying room, but benches in the narthex (convenient for bathroom/diaper changing break me thinks).
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Wow, that sounds exactly like what happened at my church! Looking back at my previous post here, from 2008, I was optimistic. Eventually, though, we had to pretty much either dropped our youngest off in the nursery or tough it out in mass. The narthex has become a place to avoid as it’s full of kids and toys roaming among late parishoners who couldn’t get a seat. Three years later and my little boy is a regular at mass, although his behavior is not the greatest. But thankfully his fire engine red hair and cuteness seem to inoculate him and my wife and I from any glares. I think he’s going to be a politician.
 
Brian_C said:
Wow, that sounds exactly like what happened at my church! Looking back at my previous post here, from 2008, I was optimistic. Eventually, though, we had to pretty much either dropped our youngest off in the nursery or tough it out in mass. The narthex has become a place to avoid as it’s full of kids and toys roaming among late parishoners who couldn’t get a seat. Three years later and my little boy is a regular at mass, although his behavior is not the greatest. But thankfully his fire engine red hair and cuteness seem to inoculate him and my wife and I from any glares. I think he’s going to be a politician.
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LOL. Too funny. I like the fire engine red hair remark. Now to make you laugh. I didn’t notice the dates of the posts. I thought this was a new thread! :o
 
I’ve never paid attention to the cry room at my church but my parents’ church had one that was more noticeable. My mother said she would only take her young grandkids there as a very last resort as she preferred to sit in the back of the church. I did notice kids playing in that room which should not be allowed as kids learn fast that you act up in church you get to go play and/or have a snack instead of being punished in some way. I would rather it be used for a few minutes to calm a child down then return to your normal seat or change a diaper as a few examples.
 
Yeah this thread has popped up a couple of times since it’s original run. I don’t know. Some parents can cope with the wild kids better than others. When we were cry room regulars, it was of genuine concern that our kids not disrupt other parishioners. My wife and I both were raised in a church where children were pretty much secluded away until they were 7 or 8. So it was a big shock for us to attend a church with lotsa cryin babies. We did something right, though, as even with our little redhead acts up, we still get compliments on how well-behaved they are at mass.
 
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