Custody Of The Eyes & Mind

[tkdnick]

I posted this in Family Life and figured I’d stick it here too to see what suggestions might come up

So here’s my dilemma…

I struggle with lustful (impure, sexual, whatever you want to call it) thoughts and such. I pray regularly, go to confession regularly, etc. It’s something I’ve dealt with for years and have gotten to the point of being fed up with my inability to “win the fight”. I decided to try something drastic and deny myself even looking at or talking to certain women. I have found this to effect my emotional state of mind negatively as well as making me appear to be unfriendly or upset with some of my friends, particularly some of my female friends that I talk (and flirt) with regularly.

How do I reconcile my need for custody of the eyes and mind, with my friendships with certain people?

 

[CRW]

I posted this in Family Life and figured I’d stick it here too to see what suggestions might come up

So here’s my dilemma…

I struggle with lustful (impure, sexual, whatever you want to call it) thoughts and such. I pray regularly, go to confession regularly, etc. It’s something I’ve dealt with for years and have gotten to the point of being fed up with my inability to “win the fight”. I decided to try something drastic and deny myself even looking at or talking to certain women. I have found this to effect my emotional state of mind negatively as well as making me appear to be unfriendly or upset with some of my friends, particularly some of my female friends that I talk (and flirt) with regularly.

How do I reconcile my need for custody of the eyes and mind, with my friendships with certain people?

First I would like to say that we all sinners. I know not one that does not have temptations, even our dear Christ. Prayer always is at the forefront of beating our sinful state, as Christ always prayed to His Father. As a suggestion, when you see a woman, always greet her guardian angel first (we all have them). This is a mental exercise that will focus your attention first on the spiritual life. If the fault still lingers, say a Hail Mary, two if necessary. Finish the race and when necessary, seek reconciliation.

 

[scylla]

Stare at their eyebrows, it will look like you are looking at their eyes without too much intensity.
It also is interesting how different everyone’s eyebrows are.

Sometimes some very pretty ladies have them all plucked out, it kinda makes me sad sometimes, as they have to paint it in everytime.

God Bless
Scylla

 

[Trevelyan]

I would say, you were on the right track about the custody of the eyes. To overcome a particular temptation or sin, one must mortify and purify the corresponding one of the five senses (e.g., if the sin were gluttony - don’t just struggle to avoid overeating but positively mortify the sense of taste by fasting.)

So if it is the custody of the eyes, perhaps not just avoid looking at women altogether - of course always and only look at them in a pure way, and avoid looking at all if that’s necessary.

But also ‘positively’ mortify the sense of sight by denying oneself even things that are not sinful (so as to grow stronger in keeping custody of the eyes): e.g. ‘fast’ from looking at entertainment, TV, movies etc. etc.

All the external senses can be purified by mortification, to detatch oneself from love of wordly pleasures - music, food, comfort etc.
(not that these things should never be enjoyed, but we have to recollect ourselves and pay attention to the spiritual life over and above the passing pleasures of this world.) (Mea culpa, mea culpa.)