Cutting all ties with Protestant family members

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Costner

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I have some members in my family who were former Catholics but now Protestant who annoy me like a crazy. I know there are some Protestants out there who have no problem with Catholics and our teachings but these people in my family hate us and I can no longer tolerate it no more. It’s mainly my uncle who annoys me the most. I have butted heads him countless times about the catholic faith and the man just won’t listen to anything I say. I’ve debated with him before and let’s just say his “Christian” attitude goes out the window once you start making points. He threated to hurt me one time when we debated about the pope and saints. The man is uneducated and stubborn as he also ignores and denies anything that is historically proven. For example, I told him that the Catholic Church were the ones who put together the bible and this is a historic fact. He said that historians don’t believe in God so that is not true. I’m sure if were to ask him if dinosaurs existed he would say that the devil put bones on the ground to trick us. My Protestant family also post a lot of catholic hate on social media and tons of bible quotes and papal quotes out of context. One time when they were invited to the baptism of one of my other catholic family member they refused to go to the mass and decided to just show up to the dinner party. Baptism is a very important event and for them to not show up but come to the dinner celebrations was disrespectful. I still see my family on a weekly basis, eating dinner with them, having conversations about life, laughing , all that stuff with no confrontation when we don’t talk about religion. The catholic bashing still continues though on social media and now I’m thinking of cutting all ties with them as I can’t fake being friends with people who hate on my beliefs. I’m leaving town soon and the only time I would probably see them is on the Christmas. It’s inevitable because the family always gets together on these days to spend time with my grandparents who are Catholic. I made up my mind about this and don’t really have any emotional distress over it just a little disappointed that it only took some old dude to come into their lives read some bible verses out of context to lose their catholic faith and now become the way they are now. But really I’m fine with the idea with not seeing them anymore. I came on here because I wanted to read some post of other fellow Catholics who were and are in the same situation as I am.
Thanks for taking time to reading my post, God bless!🙂
 
I advise against it. Some thoughts:
  1. Absent something like molestation, don’t divorce yourself from your family. Just…don’t. I had someone in my family divorce himself from the rest of us. It’s just the wrong thing to do.
  2. It will just appear that you are the bad one, and that is how others will paint you. IMHO, you will be driving those who view the situation further from God than ever.
  3. This isn’t easy but I think in some of these situations, a) egos get involved; and b) because there is religion in issue, people feel very strongly about both their points and the need to defend their own faiths. Life is not a debating society. Sometimes your actions speak louder than words, and your actions are less for the people who offend you than it is for others who observe what you, and/or your uncle do. OK, your uncle’s a hater. Likely he’ll never change. Be the bigger person. Forgive him; pray for him; and go on. But don’t divorce him.
 
Costner said:
I have some members in my family who were former Catholics but now Protestant who annoy me like a crazy. I know there are some Protestants out there who have no problem with Catholics and our teachings but these people in my family hate us and I can no longer tolerate it no more. It’s mainly my uncle who annoys me the most. I have butted heads him countless times about the catholic faith and the man just won’t listen to anything I say. I’ve debated with him before and let’s just say his “Christian” attitude goes out the window once you start making points. He threated to hurt me one time when we debated about the pope and saints. The man is uneducated and stubborn as he also ignores and denies anything that is historically proven. For example, I told him that the Catholic Church were the ones who put together the bible and this is a historic fact. He said that historians don’t believe in God so that is not true. I’m sure if were to ask him if dinosaurs existed he would say that the devil put bones on the ground to trick us. My Protestant family also post a lot of catholic hate on social media and tons of bible quotes and papal quotes out of context. One time when they were invited to the baptism of one of my other catholic family member they refused to go to the mass and decided to just show up to the dinner party. Baptism is a very important event and for them to not show up but come to the dinner celebrations was disrespectful. I still see my family on a weekly basis, eating dinner with them, having conversations about life, laughing , all that stuff with no confrontation when we don’t talk about religion. The catholic bashing still continues though on social media and now I’m thinking of cutting all ties with them as I can’t fake being friends with people who hate on my beliefs. I’m leaving town soon and the only time I would probably see them is on the Christmas. It’s inevitable because the family always gets together on these days to spend time with my grandparents who are Catholic. I made up my mind about this and don’t really have any emotional distress over it just a little disappointed that it only took some old dude to come into their lives read some bible verses out of context to lose their catholic faith and now become the way they are now. But really I’m fine with the idea with not seeing them anymore. I came on here because I wanted to read some post of other fellow Catholics who were and are in the same situation as I am.
Thanks for taking time to reading my post, God bless!🙂
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It sounds like your main problems are a) social media and b) the uncle. If you twiddle your social media settings and refuse to engage the uncle on anything except weather and sports, 90% of your problem with your Protestant relatives is covered.

If Christmas in a large group is going to be your only point of contact with these people, you can suck it up and get through it. “Merry Christmas Uncle Calvin!”

Also, come to think of it, how about making a point of getting together separately with the Catholic grandparents? This family situation must make them sick.

Sorry you’re going through this–social media is terrible for this sort of thing. It creates all sorts of fights and bad feelings that never would have happened if people were actually in the same room.
 
I disagree with Polar on this. Just because they are family doesn’t mean you have to ever see them.

When people are abusive like you described there is no reason to keep putting up with it. If they were not your family would you still associate with them?

I have a brother-in-law who would be verbally abusive to the rest of his family. The last time my wife just said “That’s it” and we haven’t seen him since. Its been a lot of stress relief not having to deal with someone like that and always having to walk on eggshells whenever they are around.
 
Brianmcg321 said:
I disagree with Polar on this. Just because they are family doesn’t mean you have to ever see them.

When people are abusive like you described there is no reason to keep putting up with it. If they were not your family would you still associate with them?

I have a brother-in-law who would be verbally abusive to the rest of his family. The last time my wife just said “That’s it” and we haven’t seen him since. Its been a lot of stress relief not having to deal with someone like that and always having to walk on eggshells whenever they are around.
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There’s no need to see these people individually, but the OP wrote: “I’m leaving town soon and the only time I would probably see them is on the Christmas. It’s inevitable because the family always gets together on these days to spend time with my grandparents who are Catholic.” Not seeing them at all is going to involve boycotting the extended family Christmas celebration of his Catholic grandparents–that’s going pretty far. You can do a “soft” boycott of peripheral relatives like uncles and cousins for years without causing any outcry, as long as you come for big events.

The day will come when his grandparents pass on, at which point entirely avoiding them may make sense, but as long as the grandparents are alive, it sounds like an unnecessary burden for their declining years.
 
I would agree that it is less about the family members being Protestant and more about the fact that they are, as being related here, abusive. As such, you are never required to put up with people behaving abusively toward you.

Let time and distance help soothe things, but I wouldn’t stay away from Christmas gatherings. I wouldn’t bother trying to debate or argue, and just drop the rope on those sorts of thing and remember charity above all else. As an individual, I can (and did) argue my way into the Church … but no one could have argued me into the Church nor do I expect to argue anyone who is not in the Church to enter. Pray and remember to live so that Christ’s light can be seen through you.
 
Xantippe said:
There’s no need to see these people individually, but the OP wrote: “I’m leaving town soon and the only time I would probably see them is on the Christmas. It’s inevitable because the family always gets together on these days to spend time with my grandparents who are Catholic.” Not seeing them at all is going to involve boycotting the extended family Christmas celebration of his Catholic grandparents–that’s going pretty far. You can do a “soft” boycott of peripheral relatives like uncles and cousins for years without causing any outcry, as long as you come for big events.

The day will come when his grandparents pass on, at which point entirely avoiding them may make sense, but as long as the grandparents are alive, it sounds like an unnecessary burden for their declining years.
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They can see the Catholic grandparents any time. Go see them 7 days a week if they want. But if uncle abuser and family are around, find something else to do.
 
Xantippe said:
If Christmas in a large group is going to be your only point of contact with these people, you can suck it up and get through it. “Merry Christmas Uncle Calvin!”
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I see what you did there! 😃
 
You’re doing the right thing. Saint Paul says we ARE NOT EVEN TO EAT with someone who claims to be a believer but is continually sinning. APOSTASIZING FROM CATHOLICISM, ESPECIALLY ONCE BAPTISED, IS VERY GRAVE SIN.
 
Hmmmm—I think we belong to the same family. 😉

I am going to urge you to please reconsider cutting all ties at least while you are upset with them and the wounds are fresh because no good ever comes from a rash decision.

While I believe a good portion of my family members have gone nuts they in turn believe I have. 🙂
I did decide, after quite a few years of trying to appease them, that it was going to be a no go and have backed away from them. I keep in touch with only those that are of a like mind. I cannot sit with those that feel there is nothing wrong with abortion, gay marriage and just love waking up in the morning knowing that obama is their president. Of course there are other issues stemming from childhood carried over to adulthood that were never resolved and never will be. I can live with that but you need to make sure that you can too.

Sit tight for awhile and let things simmer down. 👍
 
Costner said:
I have some members in my family who were former Catholics but now Protestant who annoy me like a crazy. I know there are some Protestants out there who have no problem with Catholics and our teachings but these people in my family hate us and I can no longer tolerate it no more. It’s mainly my uncle who annoys me the most. I have butted heads him countless times about the catholic faith and the man just won’t listen to anything I say. I’ve debated with him before and let’s just say his “Christian” attitude goes out the window once you start making points. He threated to hurt me one time when we debated about the pope and saints. The man is uneducated and stubborn as he also ignores and denies anything that is historically proven. For example, I told him that the Catholic Church were the ones who put together the bible and this is a historic fact. He said that historians don’t believe in God so that is not true. I’m sure if were to ask him if dinosaurs existed he would say that the devil put bones on the ground to trick us. My Protestant family also post a lot of catholic hate on social media and tons of bible quotes and papal quotes out of context. One time when they were invited to the baptism of one of my other catholic family member they refused to go to the mass and decided to just show up to the dinner party. Baptism is a very important event and for them to not show up but come to the dinner celebrations was disrespectful. I still see my family on a weekly basis, eating dinner with them, having conversations about life, laughing , all that stuff with no confrontation when we don’t talk about religion. The catholic bashing still continues though on social media and now I’m thinking of cutting all ties with them as I can’t fake being friends with people who hate on my beliefs. I’m leaving town soon and the only time I would probably see them is on the Christmas. It’s inevitable because the family always gets together on these days to spend time with my grandparents who are Catholic. I made up my mind about this and don’t really have any emotional distress over it just a little disappointed that it only took some old dude to come into their lives read some bible verses out of context to lose their catholic faith and now become the way they are now. But really I’m fine with the idea with not seeing them anymore. I came on here because I wanted to read some post of other fellow Catholics who were and are in the same situation as I am.
Thanks for taking time to reading my post, God bless!🙂
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It sounds like you and your Uncle are engaging each other but from your post, it seem like you are initiating most of the arguments. Stop engaging your uncle over religion. You are not going to win him over and all this does is create family problems. The next time you see him, stop trying to talk to him about religion. If he brings it up, tell him that there is nothing more to discuss, it is circular arguments and let it go. He may hate your beliefs because of all the arguing. Stop being so agressive with your family over religion. You are not going to convince them of anything by arguments like this.
 
I am a convert to Catholicism and all my family members are Protestant. A few have debated me and disagree but I would NEVER pull myself away from them for those reasons. God can use what seems difficult for His greater good. You may be the worst of the best witness of the Catholic faith if you live your life in love with Christ and loving them. To be a disciple of our most High Pries, Jesus our Lord, we are to “follow Him”…live as He lived to the best of our ability. Loving God and neighbor is a command. Don’t feel the need to “escape” and pull away. Let God’s Light shine in you to your family!!!
My prayers for you to have His Wisdom,
mlz

P.S. Only discuss your faith with charity. The point isn’t to “win” an arguement. Remember the “battle” is His to fight, we are only instruments of Him in the world should we allow Him in us!
 
[BIBLEDRB][/BIBLEDRB]Well, Gee Wiz, I thought the Jews put most of the Bible together in the form of the Torah and the apostles completed it with the new testament…hmmm. Well, anyway…The Bible was already compiled before the coming of Protestantism. And did I forget to mention that Jesus died for all of us so why argue about it. OH yeah, Jesus probably didn’t have long pretty wavy locks or blues eyes as portrayed in lots of sacramental images. Yup, one more thing: Vatican 11 recognizes all major denominations as long as they are a one God-centered and one God honored. I read that somewhere…oh, I know where…i.n the Vat.11 Doc.
 
Sometimes with family you just have to agree to disagree. That doesn’t mean that it is a fake relationship - it’s just not as deep and close as it used to be when you didn’t disagree. You don’t need to discuss religion with them at all, so don’t worry so much that someone doesn’t argue well. You just have to learn the mantra, “Let’s just agree to disagree. So how about the weather?” or “I think it is best that we don’t argue about this anymore. So how about those Mets?” Then don’t bring up topics that will be disagreeable, and if someone else does bring it up, just repeat the mantra as much as needed. Sometimes a person deserves an explanation for why you are suddenly shutting down these conversations. A good explanation is, “We are clearly never going to convince each other. So I’d rather be able to get along with you than keep arguing to no avail. I think the only way we can have peace right now is if we avoid these topics. so let’s just pray for each other and agree to disagree.” If you need to end a conversation by leaving the room, do it. If you need to block someone on facebook or put them on a list that keeps them out of your news feed, or even unfriend them, do it. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have an amicable afternoon in their company now and then. And remember, the best way to convince someone that your religion is worth a second look is by the way you live, not by the words you argue with. So if you can stay a presence in someone’s life, and avoid the antagonistic conversations, but be a kind, loving, joyful person, you just might plant a seed.
 
I would like to clarify a few things before things get a lot more confusing. No one in the family is arguing any more. The debates I have had with my uncle were a couple of years ago. The problem right now is that he and my other Protestant family members still have a dislike for Catholics and I wish to no longer have any contact with them as it’s gone too far. I’m leaving town not because of them but because my career requires me to move to another city. I just find that me moving to another town is a chance to start a new life and not having haters in the picture would be a good start.
 
Costner said:
I would like to clarify a few things before things get a lot more confusing. No one in the family is arguing any more. The debates I have had with my uncle were a couple of years ago. The problem right now is that he and my other Protestant family members still have a dislike for Catholics and I wish to no longer have any contact with them as it’s gone too far. I’m leaving town not because of them but because my career requires me to move to another city. I just find that me moving to another town is a chance to start a new life and not having haters in the picture would be a good start.
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Maybe this is because I’m not all that close with my extended family anyway, but I’m not sure why you have to CUT ties specifically, if you are moving away anyway? Isn’t it likely that you will simply see very little of these family members after you move? Won’t that be a pretty fresh start at a new life, whether or not you stay in touch with them? So I guess I’m asking what you mean by “cutting ties?” How will your family interactions be different after you move if you do cut ties, vs. if you don’t? What’s the thing you are considering not doing anymore?
 
ThyKingdomCome said:
Maybe this is because I’m not all that close with my extended family anyway, but I’m not sure why you have to CUT ties specifically, if you are moving away anyway? Isn’t it likely that you will simply see very little of these family members after you move? Won’t that be a pretty fresh start at a new life, whether or not you stay in touch with them? So I guess I’m asking what you mean by “cutting ties?” How will your family interactions be different after you move if you do cut ties, vs. if you don’t? What’s the thing you are considering not doing anymore?
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No more online interactions, small talk, trying to pretend that we are friends etc.
 
Ok guys after thinking about it I don’t think totally ignoring my extended family is the right thing to do. I decided to just sit back relax and live out the catholic faith through my actions the best I can. If it means being disliked by some members of my family so be it. I also think my grandparents wouldn’t like it if I ignored them ( even though they are annoyed with them too).

Mods please delete thread.
 
Costner said:
I would like to clarify a few things before things get a lot more confusing. No one in the family is arguing any more. The debates I have had with my uncle were a couple of years ago. The problem right now is that he and my other Protestant family members still have a dislike for Catholics and I wish to no longer have any contact with them as it’s gone too far. I’m leaving town not because of them but because my career requires me to move to another city. I just find that me moving to another town is a chance to start a new life and not having haters in the picture would be a good start.
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Costner, we can only go by what facts you presented. If the arguing was about 2 years ago and it basically has stopped then I am not sure what the issues are except that they are not Catholic anymore or dislike it. I think you are going to have to accept that. Now if you are moving out of town for a job, then it would seem like the contact will be minimal. I also think you need to consider this, do they “hate” because of past conflict with you? I think calling them haters is pretty loaded here. I also don’t here anything in what you have written about praying for them or even having compassion on them.
 
Costner said:
Ok guys after thinking about it I don’t think totally ignoring my extended family is the right thing to do. I decided to just sit back relax and live out the catholic faith through my actions the best I can. If it means being disliked by some members of my family so be it. I also think my grandparents wouldn’t like it if I ignored them ( even though they are annoyed with them too).

Mods please delete thread.
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Good to hear this!
Our Lord put you in this family for a reason - difficulty and all. Learn to listen to His lead and pray for them.
My love in Him
Mlz
 
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