"Dark Night of the Soul" Experiences Anyone?

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I found this quote about the dark night of the soul, that it is "a lengthy and profound absence of light and hope. In the dark night you feel profoundly alone."

I used to be so spiritual and was at my peak before and right after my brother died some 20 years ago. I was so hopeful that life would get better and that the experience would help me to live a good life in remembrance of him. I still believe in God and the Church, but when I pray I don’t feel anything. Form prayers seem dry and free-form prayers don’t ring true. I don’t feel God is with me, that He is at arm’s length because my life doesn’t please Him somehow. Technically, I know that is not true but I just don’t feel anything…fasting and prayer can’t make it go away.

I guess I “hardened” my heart because it hurt so bad to always believe I was called to marriage and children, but no man could ever stand the thought of me once they knew I liked them. I probably felt rejected by men and maybe projected that the “male-ness” of God didn’t want me, either. I know all the Bible quotes to counteract that but I just don’t feel anything. I feel like once I find the answer to some cosmic question He is waiting for me to figure out then He’ll come back into my soul…a soul that I think is dead. I really feel like He has left my house and that I need a “soul” transplant.

Was it 40 years the Jews wandered in the desert? When will my dryness end? This life is almost 47 and I’ve been feeling alone and different since age 6 that I can remember…over 40 years.

Is anyone going through this or have you gone through it. Can you describe your feelings? How did you come out of it? If I hear different stories, maybe it will help and give me hope.
 
This morning after reading the latest posts by the fascists…on the News forum.

When will it end? When the Kingdom comes.
 
Snowgarden:

I have experienced “Dark Night of the Soul”. And what I have learned from it is this: It’s not God who leaves us, it’s us that leaves Him. When something happens that causes us great pain or is very hard to understand we turn to God for answers. But when you think that He is not answering you — then you drift away and start feeling like you have the DNotS. Most of the time it’s that you are not getting the answer you want to hear, so you think He isn’t answering. You must learn to listen to Him and what He is saying, not waiting for Him to say what you want to hear. God never leaves us, God never forsakes us, God always hears every prayer we ever utter and God loves us more than we can even imagine. Has it occured to you that maybe God feels like you left Him? That you are not listening to Him? Why not take today and repent of any of your sins, and go to Mass and start over with Him. In Love and not in Want you will find Him.
 
Snowgarden, the “Dark Night of the Soul” is God’s way of bringing one into a deeper relationship with Him through faith. The Dark Night is the stage of prayer that comes after a long period of fidelity to God through prayer and the life of virtue. It is NOT - I repeat - NOT brought about through our “leaving” God, but it is God purifying us through what SEEMS an abandonment by Him; all the while He is actually bringing our faith, hope and charity into a greater imitation of the faith, hope and charity of Christ - especially as we see Him on the Cross. This is the time when He is teaching us to love Him not for what He does for us (all the feelings of reverence, joy, sweetness, etc.), but for Who He Is.

The “Dark Night” is not to be confused with the trials which we all have in life and the emotional depression that can spring from them. Fr. Thomas Dubay in his superb work on the spiritual life, Fire Within, expresses it this way:

“[There is] the misinterpretation of ordinary human suffering as cases of the dark nights. It probably is not an exaggeration to say that this error is widespread among sincere people. . .When St. John of the Cross speaks of the dark nights, he is dealing with mystical contemplation, not with trials deriving from human ignorance, illness and sin,” pg. 295.

I would suggest that you speak with a very learned priest about this as well as speaking to your doctor to rule out a clinical depression.
 
I have not experienced the dark night of the soul - an expression that comes from the Poem of St. John of the Cross by that name – because I have not progessed spiritually through the illuminative way to the threshold of the unitive way. I have spend an extended period of time in the Purgative way (the first of the 3 stages of spiritual development leading to union with God), nearly my whole life, and am currently experiencing the Dark Night of the Senses, learning to let go of attachments to things, to creatures, to sin. I hope that for the balance of my life I will progress through the Illuminative way, of which I see tantalizing glimpses, and hope to experience the dark night of the soul before I die so as to be prepared for the first fumbling footsteps on the Unitive way, which is where I long to be for eternity.
 
Snowgarden, I should note, too, that what is called the “Dark Night” is divided into two aspects: the first is the dark night of the senses, the second is the dark night of the spirit. This latter is a continuing and completion of what was begun in the night of the senses. The soul here is further purified through the shining of God’s glory upon the imperfections remaining in the soul following the earlier purification of the senses. Through this latter night the soul is completely transformed in God.

Some things to ask oneself to see if what one is experiencing is the “first” night, that of the senses:
  1. Does one find no delight or consolation in the things of God or in any created thing?
  2. Is one’s memory (corresponding to the theological virtue hope) centered on God while all the while thinking that one is not serving Him and therefore falling back in its love of Him?
  3. Is one unable to meditate on God and His Mysteries as one used to do: using one’s reasoning through the imagination?
If the answer is clearly “yes” to these questions, then one can conclude (especially with the needed assistance of a spiritual director) that one has entered into the first night.
 
Is God’s grace more like a sun always shining or like a painter painting brush strokes here and there? It seems an important question to have the answer to? And it seems that the answer must be either-or rather than both-and.

In other words, can we as humans tolerate/accept a creator who arbitrarily tests us? That is, does God train us like a drill sargeant with made-up provocation, or does the provocation have to come about naturally, so to speak?
 
I have experienced this, though for a much shorter time (a couple of months) than most. I felt that my prayers were fruitless, and I didn’t get any “warm, fuzzy” feeling like I sometimes do when I pray or when I’m in Jesus’ presence in adoration.

I would also go through a lot of inner torment, hearing things in my head like “Look how far you’ve come only to fall backwards again. You tell others how to offer their sufferings, yet you are reluctant and angry in offering yours. You’re not worthy. You are a hypocrite.”

These thoughts do not come from God. He does not put us down or lead us into discouragement. They come from our spiritual enemy who knows we are weak and vulnerable.

St. Faustina writes of this – I suggest reading parts of her diary (it is very long), as does St. Therese.

My spiritual director encouraged me to continue with my daily prayers, even when I didn’t feel like it or didn’t feel any better afterwards. He said that God appreciates these prayers all the more because they are being offered in spite of our “feelings” or any perceived benefit to us. Also helpful are the small prayers throughout the day “Jesus, I trust in You.” “Lord, have mercy.” “St. Michael defend me in battle.” “Mother Mary pray for me.”

I do believe that Our Heavenly Father does discipline His children, just as any earthly father would do for theirs. I also believe that some things do happen because of circumstance (original sin, accidents, etc.); but God can also use these circumstances to teach us and guide us closer to Him.

I find it’s best not to dwell on “why” something happens, but “what” we can learn from it and what God might be asking of us.

Fr. Benedict Groeschel recently wrote a book regarding his terrible car accident over a year ago, entitled something like “There Are No Accidents.” I’m sure Catholic Answers carries it.

Perhaps we are allowed to feel this dark night so we appreciate more the times of sweet unity with God. Just as we appreciate the sunshine more after the rain, the light after the darkness.

I will remember to pray for you and for all who are experiencing this dryness in their souls. Do remember that Jesus loves you – enough to suffer and die for you. Join your sufferings and agonies to His for the salvation of all souls.
 
My dear snowgarden,
The Lord be with you.

I can identify with your problems. Been there, done that, and there is no tee-shirt. 😃

Many things come to mind, but mostly I would recommend that you get a copy of “Story of A Soul” by St. Therese the Little Flower. It helped me tremendously to read about her similar struggles and how she dealt with them.

I would also counsel you to realize that in some ways you have recieved a great blessing from God because you have not got a great emotional crutch to lean on. Emotional highs and lows are not really relative to the spiritual realities in our lives and they can be a major pain. I know people who all they ever say is “I could just feel the Holy Spirit moving in this service or that service”. Our relationship with The Almighty is not based on how we feel, but upon the spiritual realities of Jesus’ promises to us and our cooperation with the grace that he sends to us. He promised to be with us always…no matter what, and we know that he wouldn’t put us on, so we know that He’s still here with us in our lives. Still, darkness does come to us, and provided that we aren’t in grave sin then it may just be the enemy messin’ with us.

Have you seen your confessor about this? It might be good to get on the phone and make an appointment with him. If ya haven’t been to confession in a while, you may be overdue anyway, right? It can’t hurt, and you really need someone to counsel you with this. (Not in the “shrink” sense…I mean spiritual advice.)

Also…let me just assure you that you will be in all my prayers from now on, so never feel like you’re all alone. Like I said…I been there and as they say, “It ain’t nothin’ nice.”

Please feel free to e-mail me from this site if I can be of any help at all.
Pax vobiscum,
 
I not sure if this is DNofS but,

Quite often I don’t ‘feel’ anything emotionally.
There are times I seem to be neutral. Yet, I say prayers, rosary, and try to reflect on God during my day. Yet, I believe God is listening to my prayers.

I don’t want to get caught up in trying to find the ‘warm and fuzzies’, because we are ‘to walk by faith and not by sight’.

I simply do not know if there is anything I haven’t confessed, or whether I had let go of anything that is preventing me to go further. Many times I get the sense that I am not being affective enough, like I am being held down from truly expressing what God wants me to be… I am being patient and perserving in prayer.
I do have trouble fasting and wondering wither the times that I have fasted had done anything to guide my prayer life.

Just a lot of questions and not able to find a spiritual director.

God IS with Us!
Edwin
 
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Edwin1961:
I not sure if this is DNofS but,

Quite often I don’t ‘feel’ anything emotionally.
There are times I seem to be neutral. Yet, I say prayers, rosary, and try to reflect on God during my day. Yet, I believe God is listening to my prayers.

I don’t want to get caught up in trying to find the ‘warm and fuzzies’, because we are ‘to walk by faith and not by sight’.

I simply do not know if there is anything I haven’t confessed, or whether I had let go of anything that is preventing me to go further. Many times I get the sense that I am not being affective enough, like I am being held down from truly expressing what God wants me to be… I am being patient and perserving in prayer.
I do have trouble fasting and wondering wither the times that I have fasted had done anything to guide my prayer life.

Just a lot of questions and not able to find a spiritual director.

God IS with Us!
Edwin
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Dear friend

My heart goes out to you.

It is so very evident from your post your desperation to know that you are on the ‘right’ track. Of course you are on the right track, daily you are living your faith and presently living it without consolation.

St Paul talks of the ‘milk’ that we are fed on as babies and until we grow spiritually, we are held to God’s breast and He nurses us there. But as we grow in love of God and our spirituality and faith deepens, He lets us down off His breast and enables us to stand on our own two feet, sure in the knowledge that He loves us and is always with us.

Dear friend, you have to be sure of God’s love for you and stand as His son on your own two feet knowing that you can only do that because He is within you and all around you and still is your only sustinance and support; that you are only capable of doing anything because it is God who does it and you are the instrument of His love.

St Paul said, it is no longer ‘I’ it is ‘Christ Jesus’ and this is what we are to strive for without constant ‘milk’ and ‘consolation’

God Bless you and much love and peace to you

Teresa
 
Pastor Greg Lorrie, an evangelical preacher who is on late night Christian radio station, sometimes gives excellent sermons, last night he talked on temptation. comparing it to the temptations of Christ, first of the senses, then to earthly power, then to spiritual powers he made the point that those who are tempted are either young in their Christian faith (the newly saved from his point of view, the newly converted or neophytes in our view) OR they are the ones Satan targets because they are doing the work of God. (Yes, notice the phrasing, work of God, but that is another topic–sometimes what he has to say sounds very Catholic, whether or not he is aware of it).

When you are newly converted, Satan will attack with doubts about the sincerity of your conversion, doubts about God’s mercy and forgiveness of your sins, doubts about the effectiveness of prayer, doubts about your strength to follow the right path. When you are spiritually mature, and growing in love and service of the Lord, Satan will attack what you prize the most: your relationship with God, the quality of your prayer life, any ministry you are doing. His punchline was that if you say: I am not being tempted, you are either dead or useless!

This is not really a digression, but it is extremely necessary, which is why we need spiritual direction, to discern when these movements into darkness have their source in temptation and the evil one, or when they are natural movements in the progression of the soul through its stages of maturity, and signify the threshhold of a new, deeper stage of the soul’s relationship with God.

I really cannot improve on Dark Night of the Soul and its author’s commentary in describing these stages and differences. anything by Thomas Dubay is extremely apt for the modern reader seeking to understand the classical spiritual wisdom of the great mystics. I earnestly urge anyone in this experience to seek spiritual direction.
 
To apply a developmental model analogy (likewise as did springbreeze) and understood in intimate relationship terms: it is akin to a mother weaning (physical/emotional/psychological) her growing toddler from infantile dependence from her. At first, the little guy/gal is alarmed that his/her needs are not being met in a familiar, convenient fashion. But, only by withdrawing the breast/baby food and presenting with more solid food will the toddler (then youth/adolescent/young adult…) mature in his/her relationship with Parents. The difficulty with the spiritual develop/faith maturation is the lack on knowledge, spirtitual directors, equal emphasis on growing up in our faith relationship with the the Persons of the Trinity. I believe the key is persistence in prayer and good resources (preferrably a spiritual director) to understand what God is up to and how to respond. This is my :twocents:.

Ps: I have found this book by Fr. Thomas Green a readable and helpful book for me that addresses this stage of prayer/faith:

When the Well Runs Dry: Prayer Beyond the Beginnings – by Thomas H. Green
 
Thank you one and all for your many good thoughts and suggestions. I’ll consider them and let you know if I come to any new understanding of this situation. It’s been a long road so far so I expect He’s trying to get me to a place of deeper reflection to see something that’s not on my radar or that I am avoiding and not facing. I just wish it deliverance was at hand!
 
Thank you for sharing your struggles with the rest of us. It is so nice to read the beautiful words so many of you wrote.
I find the writings of the Doctors of the Church to be wonderful sources of deep wisdom, and they’ve gotten me through some rough times. I just read the following by St. Francis de Sales today and found it helpful as I have been going through a dry period in my prayer life the past few months.
Act confidently regardless of your feelings
And even if you do not *feel *such confidnece,you must still not fail to make acts of confidence, saying to our Lord, “Although, dear Lord, I have no feeling of confidence in Thee, I know all the same that Thou art my God, that I am wholly Thine, and that I have no hope but in Thy goodness; therefore I abandon myself entirely into Thy hands.”

It is always in our power to make these acts; although there may be difficulty, there is never impossibility. It is on these occasions and amid these difficulties that we ought to show fidelity to our Lord. For although we may make these acts without fervor and without satisfaction to ourselves, we must not distress ourselves about that; our Lord loves them better thus.

And do not say that you repeat them indeed but only with your lip; for if the heart did not will it, the lips would not utter a word. Having done this, be at peace, and without dwelling at all upon your trouble, speak to our Lord of other things.

The conclusion of this first point, then is that it is very good for us to be covered with shame when we know and feel our misery and imperfection; but we must not stop there. Neither must the conscieousness of these miseries discourage us; rather it should make us raise our hearts to God by a holy confidence, the foundation of which ought to be in Him and not in ourselves. And this is so inasmuch as we change and He never changes; He is as good and merciful when we are weak and imperfect as when we are strong and perfect. I always say that the throne of God’s mercy is our misery; therefore the greater our misery, the greater should be our confidence.
–St. Francis de Sales
from The Art of Loving God
 
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