Dark Night

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Kateri92

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Sometimes I wonder if I’m going through the Dark Knight.

I usually just label it as depression but I often feel like God just isn’t answering my prayers. I feel alone and deserted. I have prayed for years for a special intention with no answer. Even people in my life who I thought were here to stay are now no longer in my life. Sometimes I feel like my only purpose in life is to suffer. I feel like no matter how much I go to confession, that there is no hope for me (granted it has been a while and if I do go it would just be venial sins).

I can’t say I have been completely faithful to prayer, but for the most part I go to mass everyday and try to say the rosary every day. I honestly feel like I’m dead weight in the world and that God has no purpose for me or that he has a purpose for me and I am just thick headed and haven’t done it.

I have tried reading John of the cross but it is just too dense for me.

So, could this be the dark night of the soul or depression and how can I tell from one or the other? It seems like a priest would be able to know if its the dark night but therapist would just label it as depression regardless and give me pills.
 
It sounds like depression to me Kateri. I have this dreaded disease. Getting both a spiritual director and a competent doctor to speak to about your feelings of depression and spiritual issues could be a huge help.

Depression is a cross that God gives to some of us, but that does not mean we should not try to get better, however.

I’m pretty sure the dark night comes only to those who are pretty far advanced in the spiritual life, but you should talk to a good spiritual director. He will help you with your spiritual life and help you to draw a distinction between depression and the dark night of the soul.

I’ll look for some good descriptions of the dark night and pm you later.

Offer all your trials in union with His Passion. They are meritorious for you and quite valuable for other souls who need help.

Going to mass every day and saying the rosary are highly commendable. Keep up the good work in spite of the darkness around you.
 
Fr. Hardon’s definition is below. He was a trusted Catholic scholar, teacher, and priest. However, I’m not sure his definition delves deeply enough or gives sufficient detail to easily distinguish it from depression. (Don’t tell him I said that.)

***DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL

General term in mystical theology to identify every form of purification through which God leads persons whom he is calling to a high degree of sanctity. It is called “night” to distinguish a person’s normal spiritual condition of seeing, although dimly, by the light of faith; whereas in mystical purification a person is deprived of much of this light. There is a “groping in the night.” It is called a “dark” night to emphasize the intensity of withdrawal of God’s illuminating grace. The purpose of such purification is to cleanse the soul of every vestige of self-love and unite a person more and more closely with God. As the intellect is thus mortified, the will becomes more firmly attracted to God and more securely attached to his divine will. This purification, however, is only a means to an end, namely, 1. to give greater glory to God, who is thereby loved for himself and not for the benefits he confers; 2. to lead the one thus purified to infused contemplation and even ecstatic union with God; 3. to enable the mystic to be used more effectively by God for the spiritual welfare of others, since the more holy a person is the more meritorious are that person’s prayers and sacrifices for the human race.***
 
Not everybody gets the full-on DNS.

Psychology cannot diagnose the DNS, and the Church does not diagnose depression, as one resides in the soul, and the other the body.

So you need both, unless you have access to a priest who is also a psychiatrist (very rare).

ICXC NIKA.
 
Look at happiness as a choice. You would choose to be happy rather than sad, no? The problem arises that humans begin to obsess. Rather than give our whole heart to God and be at peace, we at times let other spirits have access to “drifting” with our spirit.
 
If you are only confessing venial sins, then you are in the grace of God. Rejoice! I know it’s not easy to do so when in darkness; but know that God looks on the suffering soul with great love and compassion.

“… it is better for certain people to be exercised at the moment by trials than to feel sweetness and consolation (1) … You may draw closer to My Heart. Because you are suffering, you have the right to ask more from Me (2) … Let her come to Me thus in all her troubles; let her cling to My Divine Heart and seek comfort there, and I will never abandon her.” (3)

(1) Jesus to St. Gertrude
(2) Jesus to Sr. Gertrude Mary
(3) Jesus to St. Mechtilde

amazon.com/Abandonment-Abbot-Vitalis-Lehodey-O-C-R/dp/0895557592
 
71326 said:
Look at happiness as a choice. You would choose to be happy rather than sad, no? The problem arises that humans begin to obsess. Rather than give our whole heart to God and be at peace, we at times let other spirits have access to “drifting” with our spirit.
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I know you have good intentions but if we are talking about depression, it isn’t the simple choice of choosing to be happy. Depression drains you of motivation, hope, joy, and will to do anything. It is a really tough cross to carry. It can leave you not even able to get out of bed in the mornings, it can lead to not being able to sleep or sleeping all the time. I know there have been times I’ve sat down, and I just can’t move. It isn’t a choice, it’s really hard to describe to someone who doesn’t have depression but I guess I would say it’s a heaviness that envelopes you making it seem like standing up, or getting out of bed is the hardest thing in the world and it takes much more energy than you have left, even though you just woke up. There are defiantly times I wish it was as easy as choosing to be happy.
 
Sorry for your difficulties, I have prayed for you.

One way many people have been helped is through Ignatian style retreats or other support groups focused on spiritual healing through intentional dedication to God, self evaluation, forgiveness/restitution and helping others. Some have found medication to be helpful, even as a temporary measure, to assist with allowing enough clarity to clean out some of the emotional hurts which often accompany the darkness you are experiencing.

Good luck on your journey.
 
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