Dating Advice: A 22 year-old Catholic and a 24 year-old Mormon

[GraceDK]

Of the loveliest people I have ever known one was Catholic and one was Jewish. They loved each other but ended their relationship because they both took God serious in their life and they could not justify not raising their children in the right faith… I felt so sorry for them… but they really are my heroes. It hurts to break up but they know it was right.

sister in Jesus, you have to get to know Jesus better …otherwise you are bound to get your heart broken in so many unnecessary ways.
Draw closer to Him… don’t you know He died out of love for you… yes you?
Be honest with your friend, totally honest: both about being Catholic, about not being willing to convert, about being chaste until marriage and to follow Church teachings in your marriage… Its fair to both of you that you are honest with each other so you dont end up getting really hurt when things dont work out.
I am not saying that there is no way… heck I am a terrible romantic and i think love is so great… but you gotta start with honesty and with putting your priorities right…

from a person who did alot of stupid unnecessary harm to herself.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Read KCMommy’s post over and over until it sinks in.

Do yourself a favor and don’t see him anymore. You don’t “fall in love.” Love is a decision. You “fall into infatuation.” Infatuation isn’t about the good of yourself or the other. It’s not real. It’s not permanent. It doesn’t endure all things.

Hold out for the real thing.

 

[beckers]

Thanks for the great advice everyone! I’ll keep you posted as to what happens.

And by the way, I’m not at all ready for marriage yet. So that’s not an issue but I agree that things could happen and I could fall in “love” with him and change my mind. I think the chance of this is slim to none but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t fall in love with him and end up marrying him down the road. I’m just not ready for marriage until I’m atleast 26. I’m too career oriented right now and getting married would definitely change things that I’m not ready for.

I really appreciate all of your help.

Then why are you thinking of dating? The point to dating is to find someone to be the other half in your marriage vocation. If your not ready for that then don’t date. I mean whats the point? You spend all these emotions and time on a man who you have said you will not marry? If you are just lonely then that fine. get some guy/girl friends and enjoy hanging out with them. But don’t let it get physically at all. No kissing, no handholding, no snuggling, no sex, nothing at all. Save those things for your future spouse.
It may seem hard or too extereme but I am 27. i will tell you that i would rather wait then led myself or a man on when it comes to what our relationship could be if we are both not on the same page. WAIT!!!

you should read “what to do while waiting for Mr. Right” by janet folger.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

The thing is, even if you aren’t ready to get married NOW, the person you’re dating now could also be the person you’re dating when you ARE ready to get married. You obviously have marriage in your mind as your future goal. You may just need to consider that it is time to stop dating people who are “not marriage material.” After all, you said you like this guy a lot. So you could have a pleasant enough “casual” relationship for a long enough time that you might end up in love and ready to get married. But if you’ve set it up so that that person is not really a good match for what you need out of marriage, then was it worth the fun?

By the way, this is exactly what I did 4 years before I got married when I met my husband. I knew I wasn’t ready to get married right then and there. But I am so glad now that at the age of 20, I decided not to waste my time or my heart getting involved with a person who I wasn’t willing to marry when the time WAS right.

 

[Jay2]

Originally Posted by dribbles88
So to be dating someone you have to be ready for marrage soon?

That’s the purpose of dating. What do you believe the purpose of dating to be?

Dating is to find out if the person you’re interested is compatible, like minded, has similar goals (personally, spiritually, and monitarily), and if you can spend the next 60 years with.

Originally Posted by dribbles88
It wouldn’t be bad if I found the guy I was going to marry now, but honestly, I don’t think I am mature enough or ready for marriage.

It’s good to reflect as you are doing here.

But, again, I ask you-- what purpose do you seek in dating this man who you have proclaimed you have “fallen for”.

See the above explanation - and add she likes him, enjoys his company!

Originally Posted by dribbles88
I don’t think marriage is something you rush into personally.

No, it isn’t.

1ke you’re contradicting yourself here - if you don’t “date”, then you are rushing into marriage.

Originally Posted by dribbles88
I don’t think there is anything wrong with dating someone for years before you are engaged or ready to marry them.

Four years is a very long time to remain chaste and in a holding pattern of “dating”.

And, in a relationship there are two people. Would the other person want to start a relationship with you and invest time and emotion if they knew you had no intention of moving forward for years?

She said “for”, not 4… and if you “date” you will find out about these very things you’re asking about.

Originally Posted by dribbles88
So you’re saying I can’t date unless I want to get married right now?

No, I did not say that.

In not so many words you did.

I said the purpose of dating is to discern marriage and I asked you what purpose you believe dating to have since you have proclaimed you have ‘fallen for’ this guy, but simultaneously assert you have no plans to marry for 4 or more years because you are “focusing” on your career.

1ke, I would very much like you to describe your definition of “dating/courtship”, and provide a timeline to these events. You seem to have a very fixed agenda on this subject, and one-sentence answers aren’t covering your points very well.

 

[jmcrae]

Dating is to find out if the person you’re interested is compatible, like minded, has similar goals (personally, spiritually, and monitarily), and if you can spend the next 60 years with.

Now that she knows he’s a Mormon, it’s time to move on.

1ke you’re contradicting yourself here - if you don’t “date”, then you are rushing into marriage.

Nobody dates (I’m talking about steady-dating) someone they’ve never actually met before, or that they know nothing about. Before you start dating, you find out about the person from mutual friends (dating services also provide this information beforehand, if you’re using a dating service instead of selecting someone to date from among your friends) - if they aren’t compatible, you don’t start dating that person at all.

The person you choose to date should be someone that you could fall in love with and marry, at some point. Otherwise, there is no point to the exercise.

 

[Jay2]

Nobody dates (I’m talking about steady-dating) someone they’ve never actually met before, or that they know nothing about. Before you start dating, you find out about the person from mutual friends (dating services also provide this information beforehand, if you’re using a dating service instead of selecting someone to date from among your friends) - if they aren’t compatible, you don’t start dating that person at all.

The person you choose to date should be someone that you could fall in love with and marry, at some point. Otherwise, there is no point to the exercise.

Not True - a buddy stopped by my house with some cash burning a hole in his pocket. He wanted a new cassette player. He asked me to go with him to get the best gear for his $$ (I’m somewhat an audiophile). I was head to toe grease (changing a car engine - I’m a gearhead too). I went with him. We got to the stereo shop and I was dumbstruck… I mean one of those gorgeous women that make guys do really stupid things… then after a bit I find out she’s got a brain and a backbone too!

After regaining my composure it took me all of 10 minutes to ask her out for a date… another 8 months to ask her to marry me… another 10 months to go to the Altar… celebrated 19 years of marriage 9/3.

So yes, people can meet without an extensive or invasive “Pre-Qualification” procedure, and because of past experience “dating”, you can weed out the ones you know just aren’t right.

 

[KCtheMommy]

Not True - a buddy stopped by my house with some cash burning a hole in his pocket. He wanted a new cassette player. He asked me to go with him to get the best gear for his $$ (I’m somewhat an audiophile). I was head to toe grease (changing a car engine - I’m a gearhead too). I went with him. We got to the stereo shop and I was dumbstruck… I mean one of those gorgeous women that make guys do really stupid things… then after a bit I find out she’s got a brain and a backbone too!

After regaining my composure it took me all of 10 minutes to ask her out for a date… another 8 months to ask her to marry me… another 10 months to go to the Altar… celebrated 19 years of marriage 9/3.

So yes, people can meet without an extensive or invasive “Pre-Qualification” procedure, and because of past experience “dating”, you can weed out the ones you know just aren’t right.

This is exactly WHAT I was trying to say. OK it ended up on another thread, but I think dating is important. You HAVE TO KNOW what you are getting into, and that it’s not just physical dumbstruck-edness. Although, my DH says the same about me as you describe your wife (thanks honey! MY honey – LOL) and to me – that guy STILL melts my heart just looking at him. We have been married 10+ years. It’s certainly not only physical or looks, but the deep love we have after dating – and seperating so I could move to Europe and finish out my single days – while he finished out his – really contributed to our further ability to love each other more than we would if we were just looking for marriage.

We even got through religious differences, he ended up converting to Catholicism, not because of me (I had a slight thing to do with it, as I love my faith, but I did NOT force it on him.) but through his own searching. Our marriage only benefitted. None-the-less…I agree with you.

 

[HopeForTheWorld]

I am going to post the Mormon view on this. I’m going to show his side. He is part of a very community based religion. If you go out with him and meet his family, his church friends, or any other Mormon, they might try to convert you. Now, you might see it was that. They probably just see it as talking to you about the church and trying to help you. They believe that they have the truth and they feel it is important enough that they want to share it with anyone dear to them. Don’t hate them. They’re not trying to force it on you, they’re trying to show their love for you. Think about it. If you felt that you had the best book in the world, you’d want to share it with everyone because you’d want them to experience your joy. It’s the same with their religion. There is no problem dating him as far as I can see, as long as you are both open and understanding about each other’s beliefs. You both have to talk about it and work something out. If marriage comes into view for the sake of children, choosing one or the other on both sides is needed. If this cannot be done, it’s just not worth the pain and hurt to follow. He says that he isn’t very strong. That is the time when most Mormons try to reach out and bring people “back into the fold.” They might be more outgoing about religion than normal. It’s not to make you uncomfortable, it’s to try to help a loved one or someone they care about. I think the best advice anyone can give you is to talk to him about it. Just don’t let religion blind you of who the person is. Don’t base an entire opinion in someone by their faith.