Dating advice (Social Anxiety)

[AwesomeAir222]

I have established i’m not conventionally attractive through what I know and others, that does not bother me like many know within, I like the way I look still and its not something I really focus on, I’m always thankful and appreciative type of guy. It’s just it makes it very hard to find a partner.
However then there is personality which is the other factor, I had social anxiety since I can remember. I never really had many conversations with women in the real world due to my social anxiety and as such I don’t have to social skills of most men either.

I’m nearing 25 and I know others say that is nothing but I have said ever year I will make the effort and though I know it can happen it seems I am just to limited.

I take time to read profiles and take time to reply but I have seldom gotten a reply, then if I did I know deep down I can’t compete with other guys chat as that skill never evolved whilst growing up due to me not having the confidence with females.

I just wanted to ask from anyone who has been in a similar position where you get to a similar age and set of circumstances, or have social anxiety, has things changed for you. How do you find a partner if similar (online, app, hobbies etc). What worked best for you to form that initial connection.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Work on improving yourself.

Go see a hair stylist, a good barber (to learn how to shave and groom your facial hair), get a manicure, clean your teeth, work on your complexion, wear clothes that are clean and tidy and not too odd looking. Good shoes are a must, work on your posture and your manners.

This will give you more self confidence.

 

[AwesomeAir222]

Thank you though some are already implemented and basics, i can take away somethings from that, that i guess are overlooked like posture and improving wardrobe. They seem small but i guess they can help.

 

[Greenfields]

What can I say,having the opportunity right here on CAF to talk with both men and women is for me wonderful I’m not single, but I am often awkward in public and am usually a one on one person…that’s just my nature.
But the spinoff talking with people here is I am having more confidence in real life situations,which is great I have affirmation in who I am as a catholic .

I would say if you can just enjoy any conversation you can (The Casual section is very good) without expectation of finding someone ,not putting that pressure on yourself .
Same goes for Real Life,just practice at small talk about something in common with whoever it is. don’t stress how someone inturperates you.
God bless

 

[jakesantiago]

So, yeah… I was also feeling the same that I was having dating issues because of my looks. But it is not the same, to be quite honest, all you need to do is just have enough confidence in your way of talking so you can just get whatever in your life.

 

[AwesomeAir222]

Thank you for your time to reply. It made me realise from what you said some things.
The time i have formed connections most is when i have been at work as people get to know me overtime, it made me realise that like you say talking to others is the step i need to take most.

I realise it is small steps everyday to self improve that is the most i can do. At work in the past though i distance myself, others have reached out to me and even declared they like me and want to stay in touch when i leave. Compared to online where i feel faded and distant once more like in the past. So i know i can maybe work towards that, finding a job i enjoy maybe based on a hobby, and i think it will help towards building some skills/confidence that i never built and is a realistic step i can take that could help. I know it may seem obvious but the importance of things get forgotten over time. Appreciate it.

 

[Joe_5859]

Of course, don’t forget to bring it to prayer.

I don’t know that I’d say I had social anxiety, but I am definitely an introvert, and can sometimes get tongue-tied in social situations. It always felt like foreign territory to me.

I think my saving grace was being a part of a community of Catholics in college. It was helpful to be part of a larger community where I could go to social events and just sort of stand of the sidelines at first until I got more comfortable and it became easier to be sociable. Doing things in groups took a lot of pressure off.

I always relied on the mere-exposure effect with girls. Eventually, it all worked out for me.