Dating Advice

[carguy]

Ok so am thinking about seeing this girl, but she says that she is bi. I have made it clean I don’t approve that kind of thing and my feelings on the matter. She also has made advances to try and engage in relations, but again I have told her that I plan to wait till I am married. She said she has no problem with that, but is it wrong to date her. I am not sure as to her faith I know she believes in God and the son, but her bi thing kind of bugs me. I really like this girl cause she is really nice and just a great person. Any ideas guys?

 

[twoangels]

Ok so am thinking about seeing this girl, but she says that she is bi. I have made it clean I don’t approve that kind of thing and my feelings on the matter. She also has made advances to try and engage in relations, but again I have told her that I plan to wait till I am married. She said she has no problem with that, but is it wrong to date her. I am not sure as to her faith I know she believes in God and the son, but her bi thing kind of bugs me. I really like this girl cause she is really nice and just a great person. Any ideas guys?

She doesn’t sound like marriage material. I’d recommend reading this book: amazon.com/Wing-Oar-Readings-Courting-Marrying/dp/0268019606

 

[bearkatjen]

There’s nothing wrong with being bi or being gay, but there is a problem with having sex outside of marriage. Just because someone is attracted to someone of the same sex, doesn’t mean they necessarily engage in sexual relations with people of the same sex.

I also think it’s important to realize that though Catholics and some other denominations do not approve of same sex marriages/unions, there are other Christian denominations that do. My brother is gay, and he attends a Methodist church. The Episcopalian/Anglican church recognizes same sex relationships as valid as well. So, this girl can be attracted to men or women or men and women, and still be religious and even be active in a church.

Last, how sexuality is defined or labeled is tricky. I know people that identified as bi when they were single, but once they committed to a monogamous relationship they identified as straight or gay, largely because society defined them within the context of their relationship. So, if you like this girl and you marry this girl, for all practical purposes, that girl is straight within the context of her relationship with you, and she isn’t committing some sin and dragging you into it. Sin is something you do, not something you are.

 

[Melinda_Selmys]

carguy,

I’m bi, and have been married to a wonderful Catholic husband for eleven years now. I don’t know…maybe twoangels is right and I’m not marriage material, but my husband begs to differ. Sexual identity labels mean different things to different people: to some people being bisexual means having sex with partners of both sexes, but I think that for a lot of people it just means having both same-sex and opposite-sex attractions. In the latter case, there’s absolutely no reason not to continue a relationship, especially if the girl in question is willing to respect your beliefs about sexual morality. The only thing that you might want to find out is whether she’s interested in an exclusive relationship. The bi label often goes along with polyamory, so you might want to clear that up so that you don’t end up feeling betrayed or cheated on later.

 

[triumphguy]

What is it you are trying to get out of dating?

Hang around with cool people and have some fun, or prospect for a future wife?

BTW it’s not the dating that’s a problem, it’s getting emotionally involved with someone who isn’t either available, or suitable for you, or good for you, or who has not interest etc.

 

[carguy]

carguy,

I’m bi, and have been married to a wonderful Catholic husband for eleven years now. I don’t know…maybe twoangels is right and I’m not marriage material, but my husband begs to differ. Sexual identity labels mean different things to different people: to some people being bisexual means having sex with partners of both sexes, but I think that for a lot of people it just means having both same-sex and opposite-sex attractions. In the latter case, there’s absolutely no reason not to continue a relationship, especially if the girl in question is willing to respect your beliefs about sexual morality. The only thing that you might want to find out is whether she’s interested in an exclusive relationship. The bi label often goes along with polyamory, so you might want to clear that up so that you don’t end up feeling betrayed or cheated on later.

Yea I spoke to her about all the issues that go with it. She was fine with all of it so heres to hoping I am as lucky as you and your husband are. Thank you for your advice.

 

[Debora123]

Ok so am thinking about seeing this girl, but she says that she is bi. I have made it clean I don’t approve that kind of thing and my feelings on the matter. She also has made advances to try and engage in relations, but again I have told her that I plan to wait till I am married. She said she has no problem with that, but is it wrong to date her. I am not sure as to her faith I know she believes in God and the son, but her bi thing kind of bugs me. I really like this girl cause she is really nice and just a great person. Any ideas guys?

Here’s a simple way of looking at it:

Is this someone you think could potentially make a good wife to you and mother to your children?

This should be the standards we use when getting into committed relationships with people.

If it takes a few dates for you to be able to answer the above question with a legitimate “yes” or “no”… then by all means, go on a few dates with her. Take it slow and proceed with caution like you would in any other case.

But do not start a committed relationship until you know the answer is “yes.”