I sadly dated an agnostic for a period of time. He was a funny, intelligent, kind and curious person who was (mutually) intensely interested and intrigued by our opposites’ attraction.
We were friends and the attraction built and looking back, I see that a lot of our chemistry was based on the endless passionate discussions we had about “life issues.” In college, everyone is entranced by self-discovery and defining their identity. Conflict is fun and being challenged to think was exciting. If anything, it made me grow in my faith.
However, little by little, I saw things about him that just couldn’t and wouldn’t jive with what I really wanted in a future partner. (Granted, I went to college very young and so this was a relationship with a somewhat older guy who was at the same university as me…and because I was so young, I wasn’t always thinking of MARRAIGE, per se. Just “getting to know someone” and possibly finding love.)
Anyway, he saw nothing wrong with partying on the weekends and getting drunk, maybe smoking a little weed. He didn’t do this often, as he felt himself superior to the “everyday” pothead, but just enough (like every few months) to “relax.”
He thought life was about getting (or, rather, TAKING) as much out of it as possible. Pleasure and immediate gratification were his expectations for any amusement. Women were interesting to him and while he felt he was terribly respectful toward all women, he found nothing wrong with a little porn here or there either. Or sex before marriage or whatever two consenting people wanted to do and were “comfortable” with. Because he and everyone else is “entitled.”
Academic cheating wasn’t a big deal, either. It goes on every campus in the United States, after all. He was just trying to “stay ahead.” He couldn’t spend the amount of hours it would have required him to, in order to get an A on his own when grades were curved. And since everyone ELSE was cheating…why shouldn’t he?
He felt like he was “terribly respectful” of my “beliefs.” He was very into discussing how EVERYTHING is “a grey area.” He would debate me constantly about the concept of truth–attempting to convince me that truth is subjective, that everyone’s truth differs. I, of course, firmly believed that truth was black and white. That natural law DOES exist.
He always attempted, consciously or not, to put holes in my faith.
In the beginning he was semi-amused by my values and my boundaries in a relationship. He kept saying he had never met anyone who had a formula for chastity. But, he soon grew tired of chaste kissing and we fought a lot about what I was not willing to do.
Christmas came and he went to mass with me, though he looked around incredulously at all of these people gathered to celebrate the birthday of a baby born 2000 years ago. He just didn’t get it. I stopped understanding why I was with someone who at his core, didn’t care about what was most important to me. I found myself taking on his attitude at times, too. It was very difficult to remain autonomous when there were so many feelings wrapped up inside of the situation.
He wasn’t a “bad” person. He just had no reason to discern what was right or wrong. He didn’t believe we were accountable for anything to a higher power. Really, looking back, I see how hopeless that is. To just believe that there is no point to anything. So sad.
Probably what drove me most crazy was that he couldn’t concede anything we discussed as being fully explained. What I said MADE SENSE and yet his key missing component was faith. So our frame of reference just didn’t jive.
Anyway, I would not pursue this as a relationship. Missionary dating doesn’t work.
God is good.
