It is unfortunate (to understate) when we find that our marriage is not even close to what we had expected and anticipated, roman, so I sympathize with the frustration and deep disappointment that you’re experiencing, but dating others at this time will put your soul in jeopardy.
I suggest prayer, of course, as we always do during times of concern, but, in addition, I suggest silent adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. Just go, sit, and kneel in contemplation. Do that frequently; I equate it to a spiritual, or Catholic B-12 shot–or what I call Catholic osmosis–for our constitutions, for our souls; it gives us clarity, determination, dedication, understanding, acceptance…and the list goes on. It’s not a one-session deal. It’s a result of repeated visitations. You don’t have to be running a constant monologue in your mind–no need to beg, bargain, or plead your case. You certainly may say anything that’s in your heart and on your mind, and you can say standard Catholic prayers for the occasion of adoration, but you can sit there in absolute blankness, just absorbing the warmth and love and PRESENCE of the Blessed Sacrament. Go frequently, no matter your mood, and in some churches, no matter the hour, as adoration is around the clock; check the hours in your area. Over time you will know the strength attained by visitation and adoration; you will grow as a Catholic, and you will be better able to cope with the stresses you encounter, and will subtly be a light to others.
Rosaries and novenas are sustaining, also. There is much comfort and growth in the repetition of familiar prayers. It sounds as though your wife has determined that intimacy with you is not in her future, and as though you have decided that a continuation of the marriage in any form is unacceptable. Pray that God gives you strength to accept this time when you yearn for affection, that He helps you to understand His will.
Make an extra effort to be kind to others and to say or do something that brings a smile to someone; their pleasure will radiate back to you and will help to lift you in this long trek in which you find yourself plodding through your days.
Remember that although you yearn for affection and are devastated that your marriage is unconsummated, your soul is at stake if you look elsewhere for validation of your ability to be important to someone else other than your wife. Like metal being tempered by heat, your resilience to adversity is being tested. Do not let Satan win the battles he is picking with you. Pray daily to St. Michael for his intercession, that your heart and mind are girded to protect your soul. God has something very special planned for your life through your love for Him. Ask Jesus to hold you close. He is always right beside you, but you must reach out to Him and ask Him; bask in the warmth of His love when you’re feeling particularly battered and bereft.
I must admit that I don’t understand what kind of conversations you had with your wife before your marriage, that no flags regarding her bent of mind and sexual disinclination were waved. Although some pre-Cana series are la-de-da euphemisms and politically correct to the point of glossing over all the nitty-gritties that make marriage work, or not–especially sex-- the normally healthy and “in love” couple discuss their craziness (as in “I’m crazy for your bod”) for each other and their hopes for a family–and how could “family” not entail discussions of children? And how could such discussions not include the excitement and anticipation of sex? Or her total revulsion at the idea?
Borrowing the words of a once-popular song, “it takes two to tango,” so it seems peculiar that you didn’t detect her reticence “to do the dance of love.” Hence, counseling with a priest or therapist could help you to deal with what lies ahead and to discern how you were able to overlook or miss completely the signs that surely were evident, unless your wife was part of an arranged marriage, perhaps to meet citizenship requirements? In that case, she was clearly engaged in a clever trickery that fooled you and the priest(s) engaged in the pre-marriage certification.
I must also admit that I’m bothered that you’re skipping the aspects of dealing with your current situation and jumping ahead to the idea of dating, although I’m heartened by the fact that you’ve questioned your right to do that and remain in good standing. There are wonderful, sharing, caring souls here on CAF, roman. Come here for understanding, prayer, and nudges in the right direction. You aren’t just one Christian soldier picking up one foot and planting it in front of the other. You’re part of the Church Militant, and the soul-nurturers here will help keep the devil well behind you.
Blessed be God, and blessed be His Holy Name. Peace be with you.
Probably not the answer you’re looking for but other than that you just have to wait and let bureaucracy do its thing.