dating question

[Gilsgirl]

Has anyone ever had a boyfriend or girlfriend who was a fallen away Catholic, but became interested in his/her faith because of you? If so, how do you know if their reversion is genuine? If you are considering getting married to that person, how do you know if that person would continue to practice their faith and be a good example to their children when it comes to the faith?

 

[PatriceA]

Has anyone ever had a boyfriend or girlfriend who was a fallen away Catholic, but became interested in his/her faith because of you? If so, how do you know if their reversion is genuine? If you are considering getting married to that person, how do you know if that person would continue to practice their faith and be a good example to their children when it comes to the faith?

By the way they talk, how they react when you ask them to go to mass with you, or attend parish activities with you. If someone is faking it, they will eventually reveal their true colors. BUT if they are really genuine about becoming a practicing Catholic again, their actions will match their words and its no longer you initiating the conversations about the faith or you are no longer the one that brings up going to mass first. They take the iniative.

I think first though, being genuine and sincere and having integrity already need to be a part of that person’s life. If that person shows that they mean what they say and say what they mean in other areas of their life, why wouldn’t you trust that the decision to come back to the Catholic faith is genuine? But if you have a hard time believing that person in other areas of their life, then of course you can not fully trust that they are sincere about the Catholic faith either.

 

[Trinity117]

Hello Gilsgirl, ready for this? I WAS the fallen away Catholic, and I was dating a Jewish man.

My family was not big on raising me and my sibling in the faith, so we were only baptized in the church and made no other sacraments. Many years later, this man and I asked a lot of questions about each other’s religions. That is when I started to learn about My faith.

Having said that, (and there is a lot more background as you can imagine) I felt my roots in the Catholic faith always. I did have some family (distant) that remained faithful and I did learn somewhat from them. I can’t say that this man was soley responsible for my return to the faith, but I can say that everything I “learned” about being Catholic was right for me. I knew where I had to be - and it was back in the church. I did NOT go back when I was dating him, it wasn’t until years later. But when the Holy Spirit made it plain that I was in a bad way and I needed something better in my life, I knew where to go.

Sorry that probably isn’t a huge help - but it is the other side of the coin. I think that you have to be aware of how deeply people feel - not just lip service to idea. Does that make sense?

I will pray for you. Good luck and God Bless.

 

[IgnatiusDaughtr]

I actually discovered my faith because of my high school boyfriend! Now, we didn’t get married, but I am forever grateful to him, and to his family, for opening my eyes to the love of the Lord.

I think that you need to trust that this person is sincere, based on what you know of him/her. There are no guarantees in life. When I married my husband, there was no crystal ball that let me know that he will be a devout Catholic his whole life (and there was no such thing for him either, about me!) but, knowing him, the man that he is, I believe that he will be a wonderful spiritual leader to our family.

If you have found this person to be trustworthy, true to their word, and sincere, then I don’t see a reason you should doubt the new found interest in the Church.

Dating is hard - I wish you the best of luck!

 

[IntegraCatholic]

I had a friend back in high school who was attracted to me but seemed genuinely interested in the faith. (She was an infidel, never raised with any religion, never baptized.) I didn’t have any interest in her, but we were friends. I decided to be her godfather and sponsor; I don’t recommend this to anyone, given this sort of situation, but I was young and didn’t realize the bigger picture. I don’t know if her choice to convert was partially based on being able to spend more time with me, but by the time she started learning about the faith, she did seem genuinely interested and did believe what she was learning. Unfortunately, the next year I went to a different school, and during that school year she had already renounced her faith (I couldn’t believe it, but apparently half of those who go through RCIA stop practicing the faith or apostocize within a year) and was dating some ex-convict atheist or something along those lines. She is now engaged to a Protestant and, I think, identifies herself as Protestant. She may be an exception (just goes with whatever her latest interest likes), but I think she genuinely believed the faith, lost whatever good morals she had developed (which led her back to atheism to justify herself), and then she met this other guy and realized you could be Protestant and still live the way you wanted (e.g., sexual immorality, contraception) depending upon your personal interpretation of the Bible. That’s my hypothesis because she is too intelligent to fall for the illogical Protestant claims, and she learned quite a bit of apologetics when she was converting. Please pray for her return to the faith. Not sure if that helps, but it’s one story.

 

[CoffeeHound]

Has anyone ever had a boyfriend or girlfriend who was a fallen away Catholic, but became interested in his/her faith because of you? If so, how do you know if their reversion is genuine?

One thing you could do is suggest that he or she joins a ministry (just casually mention it). If he finds one and joins it on his own, then that’s a good sign.

 

[newhope75]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about five years. He was a “fallen away Catholic” when I met him, and it was largely due to being poorly instructed in his faith. When I started investigating Catholicism about two years ago, I’d go to him and say things like “Why didn’t you tell me [insert interesting fact about Catholicism here]” and he’d go “Um…because I didn’t know?” It got him to realize that a lot of his problems with his faith were due to poor instruction and not any real problems with the faith itself. Eventually he started doing his own research and about the time I told him I wanted to become Catholic, he told me he wanted to go back. (It was kinda funny, because when we met, we were both dead set on NEVER getting involved in any organized religion, and when we seperately realized we wanted to start attending Mass, ect, we were each afraid of how the other would react!)

That was about two years ago. I believe he’s sincere, because before we came to this decision, we had rather…erm…secular morals, and ever since we’ve decided to wait until marriage. Since I have a previous marriage to annul, it may be over a year before we can even think about marriage. I have some pretty extreme circumstances from my former marriage, where I’m pretty certain it’ll be declared invalid, but even then it’s not guaranteed. My boyfrined’s willingness to wait through all that helps me believe he’s sincere about wanting to live a good Catholic life. Of course, I’m not sure how well that would apply in your situation.